confusion...fate....and other really FUCKED UP shit :( , need advice

Soulfly, I am in exactly the same boat as you, except that I married my girl and was with her for 10 years.
I kept in touch initially to try to get back together - i wrote her a 10 page letter that made her cry, but she still didn't come back. She knew what I wanted, but she had moved on before she had left me.
I feel that Susan, may want to be friends still coz she emaled you (not the other way around). So reply to her, see if she really is happy with her new guy. If she isn't u have a chance.
But if she is happy, then u have to cut yourself some slack and move on. It aint easy, I know. Its been 14 months for me, and every single day is painful
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. I have chemically erased alot of the memories of her. Not the best way, I know, but I am thru the other side now.
But you have good friends who love you
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, and don't ever feel like you are a burden to them, coz you will be there for them when they need something.
The most important thing is to be good to yourself. Allow yourself to be happy. But it all takes time. Someone said something to me once, along these lines - You gotta love yourself first before you can expect someone else to love you also.
I have a rule - I never roll or drink if I am feeling down. That is not the solution. So when I do roll, I know it is when I am up, and I get the most out of it.
But at the end of the day, I think liquidocean said it, find someone u want, who also wants to be with you.
Cheer up buddy - it WILL get better, but it also takes time.
 
Soulfly....
Believe it or not, the same thing happened to me... sort of.
(note, I am a guy)
I was seeing a gent, by the name of Christopher, for about... 6-7 months, and everything was great. I THOUGHT I was in love with him, and when he broke it off with me (which supposedly has "nothing" to do with me) I was exactly where you are now, for almost nine months...
here is where it starts to look up....
I realize now that I do not, in fact love him anymore. somehow in these months, I have come to this realization.... not only that but he bugs the hell out of me now.
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The thing that you have to come to grips with, is she is with someone else now... (it seems) and she is happy.
I'm not telling you to lie to her, and pretned that everything is sunshine and roses... but I also don't think it's fair to pin the guilt of the "I love you" speech on her now.
You nead time, bud... we all need time. Time does, in fact, heal all wounds.
Don't lose contact with her, but do not, and I repeat, DO NOT jepordize her happiness... you wouldn't forgive yourself for that. Make her your friend. If it was meant to be, some day, it will be.
Apart from that... in my opinion, people suck. I'm still kinda stuck where you are right now... but I have only had like, one, even moderately serious relationship since that last one... and nobody seems to match up. But the fact of the matter is, that is a good thing, cuz the one I DO find, is going to have to be pretty amazing.
chin up, young person. (LOL what movie was that from??? object of my affection?)
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"Like a shooting star,
Accross the midnight sky!
Wherever you are,
Yer gunna see me FLY!!"
-BANG!
PaRaDoX -and PLUR for all!
 
Soulfly, oh dear you have me all in tears.. just reading that about the whole song, singing, feeling empty.. oh god it hits home.. I am crying now =*( . Without blabbing on I was with my ex-fiance for like a little over 2 years and our song that was like the cure all for every fight or just a simple cheesy way to say i love you, was to sing that Verve Pipe song Freshman.. (i know this is dorky).. Hes in NYC and I was in Texas half the time with school and so when we were apart hearing that song brought us to tears everytime (this incredibly beautiful macho italian guy mind you)and we would call each other crying.. well I decided that if i was ever gonna do the whole peacecorps thing i better do it while i wasnt married, and like 5 months into the whole thing, 3 months after we were engaged i missed a couple of big events in his life because of my peacecorps obligation (like his university graduation, a ski trip he planned for my birthday, etc) so i call him when i am finally near civilization after all the fights for missing his things, and hes like "i guess you are just too late, my girlfriend just showed up" .. sorry this is so long, but to make it short.. i am not a jealous person, i dont really believe in monogamy so him having fun with other people when i wasnt around was fine, but it was the whole girlfriend thing now.. it meant commitment and stronger feelings than just hookin up. i was heartbroken, and this was last february.. i still am =*( . I try to be so cool with this guy, and he tells me sometimes when he sees me on AOL that he misses me, and everytime it tears me up for the next week. finally i grew some balls to just write him a 2 line email of happy holidays, i miss you, i hope all is well with you.. he responds how special i am and always be to him.. but my point is I am a huge crying mess right now.. I have no good advice for you, but i understand what you are going through and it sucks ass.. i thought i had advice like you are both probably a lot happier now, btu i don.. because i am not happy and that is all just bullshit.. i wish we could just have a good cry session and smoke some bud together or something.. good luck soulfly.. ::much love to you:: x2k
 
soulfly i very recently went though the thng you are. I might her as a senior in high scholl we moved in together a couple months after finishing school. We lived together for for years. The where for the most part very good years. Of course we fought but we remained faithful and stuck out the hard times together. Last July she came home oneday and told me she need some space a couple days away from me. We had in 4 1/2 years never gone a day without see each other. I wanting to please her and thing things would be ok left the house for a couple of days. When i came back home we sat down and talked. I heard the most painful words that i have ever heard in my life "im not in love with you anymore" I Sat there destoryed. I told myself that i would do whatever it took to get her back. after about a month of complete misery. I began to see things differently. I made new friends, started doing different things. Over all the whole experience has tought me alot about relationships and myself and i am better for it.
the things i can sugguest might not be the right answers for you because everyone has to deal with things in their own way but here goes.
1)if you havent yet tell her how you feel.
2)if she rejects you as hard as it is (god I know it sounds impossible) leave it at that.
3)as far as getting in to new relationships the most important thing is that you will never find love when you are looking for it. It is something that happens when you when you arent looking. Besides if you are getting uot of a serious relationship you need to take a good amount of time to be single a sit back a reflect on the past.
4)If thing somehow work out for you do everything in you power to to not make the same mistakes as before.
5) Most importantly get advise is great it helped make me feel like i could do something to help get her back. But please whatever you do make sure it is what is in your heart and what is right for you and not what someone else tells you is right.
Remember and beleive it or not it is sooo true: it is better to have loved and lost...
 
Oh Soulfly, your post brought tears to my eyes. I have never know a love like that.
My only advice would be to tell her, what have you got to lose?
It sounds like you got to experience true love. Not all of us ever get to feel that.
If she doesn't some back. There is no shortage of people looking for love. You will find love again. And this probably isn't the last time your heart will be broken...
um, this can't be making you feel any better. I'll stop. "Love Hurts"
 
Soulfly, good lord does my heart ache for you! Yes im young, but i know how much something like that can hurt. And i know some of us can never fully recover. I really feel like you should email her back telling her how you feel. Nothing in the world is better than honesty. Don't make her feel guilty or pity you, just tell her you miss her and she's all you ever think about. Tell her about the time you drove down the street and everything you see gives you the warmest feeling of when you two were together. Let her know how happy you used to be and what made you happy. Good Luck Cookie!
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holy shit guys....
you are all amazing...unbelievable responses
thank you so so much...
well... i took everyone's advice very seriously...and reread every post about 8 times... and i wrote up a 6 page letter to her...and i'm sending it today
thing is... if she wants to respond badly enough...she will. she knows where i work, she can find me if she wants to
but i really don't think i want a response, though.
but it did feel kind of good to get it all off my chest...
again... i love you all...thank you all for spending that much time on my stupid little situation
if anyone needs anything...seriously...just e mail me
plur
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soulfly
"I am more than a mathematical equation...i am more than a chemical combination... my existence cannot be reduced to a scientific theory!"
**SPIN-E**
 
Wud up babie, it's your buddie DiS. I don't honestly know what to say. It seems to me that you need to be attached to a individual, eithier it be susan or someone else... You don't want to be lonely anymore huh? I've been through that road before, and I came to a conclusion that I stand by. You can't go around life saying that it sux. This will led to depression. I don't look at the past anymore just it brings depression and sorrow, I can't look towards the future cuz it's just false pretents, I tend to take it step-by-step, second at a time. I know it's hard, but I don't want to be depressed anymore. Well, I can't be looking for a significant other all the time, I know that one day something special will happen... It happens to everyone.......
Don't worry keep ya head up, every1 goes through there hard times. Cheer up!!! =)
Peace
DiS
P.S. "Oh and another thing how can you meet all the honey's when you sit on your ass the whole night @ the parties????" "Dance the night away!!!"
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"Entheogens gives Drugs a good name."
 
Yo Soulfly,
Your situation is not stoopid bro. And besides we all go through ups and downs at times. And in here i would like to say that we are all friends and are here for each other. Friends are meant to share good and bad moments. I just hope and pray that it will all turn out well for you bro...
PLURness... and ya know how to reach me ...
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Buzzin
DrgnFly
""""""""""qp"""""""""""
*****BEAN me up Scotty*****
 
What you should do rests in your hands, but one bit of advice I try to learn from is to never say "What if?". What if I had done this, or taken this route, can drive you crazy. If you feel it strong enough, do it. The outcome, good or bad, will lead to closure, which is what I think you need.
CHILL
W.
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...beatin nuts is only a hobby...
rollin my ass off is my job :-)
 
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