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conflicted over 'letting my guard down'

^ its ok to be scared to open up , nowadays deep personal things are best kept to yourself . but if you trust her, feel comfortable with her, know her, AND your not romantically involved with her then whats the danger in opening up. i mean you guys are not sexually involved whats the problem? the poor girl is just trying to have a friendship with you! sounds like she means no harm , why lose a good friend when its so hard to find one.
 
I agree with that sentiment. Good strong connections are so rare, even fleeting. Life is entirely too short not to grab on when someone is reaching out.
 
^ Yup, without a doubt.

I read this once

Share only your strengths, not your weaknesses
Click to expand...

and found it to be very useful - too many people can take advantage of you if you let out too much, but when your find someone who you can truly trust, then it' OK to share these things with them, and this bird you're friends with sounds like she totally accepts you, and vice versa.
 
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^

Thanks for all the awesome tips and encouragement guys. I know I have no need to feel scared around. She will never hurt me. This fear is less rational then the ratio of the diameter of a circle vs its circumference .

As for being a bad ass around her... well she loves riding on my Ducati and in my GT-R (Skyline) and I escorted her (in her uniform ;)) once to get her stuff from her ex's place.

and found it to be very useful - too many people can take advantage of you if you let out too much, but when your find someone who you can truly trust, then it' OK to share these things with you, and this bird you're friends with sounds like she totally accepts you, and vice versa.
Click to expand...
I'm being a raging faggot (not into the homophobic way, as general epithet.)

Mate, I OD'd on some RC's once, and she did not judge me at all, she cancelled her whole day so she could make sure I okay and not having a bad trip, and did not get mad even tho I puked all over her apt.

When her abusive EX tossed her out at 0230, I drove 125km and went A.W.O.L. so I could pick her up and try to make her feel better. (I beat the AWOL change btw)

why does it feel nice (as is it why is there hedonistic reward) for the act of feeling vulnerable and weak (which should be an adversarial feeling, no?)
i.e. having someone point a gun in your face makes you feel weak and vulnerable, but does not make one feel good.

anyone more learned in the mental, rather physical aspects of the brain have any ideas?
 
rangrz said:
^
why does it feel nice (as is it why is there hedonistic reward) for the act of feeling vulnerable and weak (which should be an adversarial feeling, no?)
i.e. having someone point a gun in your face makes you feel weak and vulnerable, but does not make one feel good.

anyone more learned in the mental, rather physical aspects of the brain have any ideas?
Click to expand...

Because you're choosing to be vulnerable. It's consensual, you feel safe enough to let go.

In a different sense, it's why sex feels good when you choose to have it and awful if you're being raped. It's about having enough control to be able to choose to lose control.

There's no sweeter feeling than choosing to surrender, I think of it as almost spiritual :)
 
Good point, it is semi-consensual. Semi being key here. I can not fully choose to feel...well... "like that" at will. S/he has to somewhat force it, albeit subetly. I can generally choose not to let myself feel open and vulenerable (usually) but I can do the same with air burst frag shell over my head too. (Harder yes)

Blah, I need to stick to bosons on paper and tanks on the ground, I understands them better.
 
I think you didn't want to to go see her because somewhere deep inside you don't trust her. If you're like me, it's not anything she did. Rather, you have an inherent distrust of ANYONE. I never let my guard down with anyone for any reason because I simply don't trust anyone, for the simple fact that they're human. I'm a closed book to everyone that "knows" me. Ironically, people always come to me with their problems or to ask for advice. I always try to help people, even strangers. But I won't let anyone in.
 
this is a really cool thread, some of what you all have said is the most thought-out and rational approaches to love ive read in a while. what you all are talking about is pure love/without all that jealousy and use/abuse... with love being the breakdown of the barrier that prevents us from being our true selves. Ive experienced this only in brief moments, like one night here and there, yet to have a consistent long term relationship of absolute acceptance of the other person and yourself is nirvana, for the social aspects of oneself at least, and hopefully an attainable nirvana.
thank you all for this thread its beautiful or maybe im just real stoned lol I dont know but either way THANK you Thank you THANK You!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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