Cocaine Concerned about boyfriend's drug use. Advice from people who have hid it?

[sperry]

Hi there,

I'm concerned about whether my boyfriend is lying to me or not about his drug use and I would like some advice from people who have hid it from others before.

He lives and works all the way across the country right now out west. He's coming home for good in a few months. Last weekend I went to visit him out there, and he brought cocaine to the hotel the first night we were there. We do it once in a while together and it's not a big deal to me if he uses it from time to time. However, he is supposed to tell me if he uses it. I asked him several weeks ago before my visit if he had used anything and he said no. He also got defensive about me not trusting him so I let it go. Then we he brought it to the hotel that night, I became suspicious and I asked him again. He told me he had lied to me about using it before but it was only one time and he didn't want to cause a fight when there's so much distance between us. I forgave him and let it go. However, that night, I decided I was sick of the cocaine and told him he could have the rest. There was at least a gram left and he snorted it all within twenty minutes. It seemed like a huge amount to do in such a little time period, and it wasn't the best cocaine, but I feel like his tolerance might have been higher than he was letting on, and that he might have done it more than the one time he lied and then told me about. Also, lately at work, he has been saying he skipped dinner or supper because he just wasn't hungry. Again, it makes me suspicious that he might be taking a stimulant at work that inhibits his appetite. I don't want to come at him with my suspicious thoughts because he did tell me he would never lie again and he would tell me if he did any drugs. We've had several conversations on this topic and it's pretty much settled that I forgive him and am working towards trusting him again. I'd hate to rock the boat if I were wrong about this, which is why I am asking for your help. What do you think is going on here? I realize this may not be the appropriate venue for my question, but I don't know where else to turn. Thanks for any advice!

 

[tokenname]

i think you probably already know what's going on.
you're in a relationship with a drug addict.
generally, lies are par for the course.
it would have to be an amazing relationship for them not to be.
if he feels as though you'll judge him or not accept his behavior/choices..
9 times out of 10..he'll avoid the truth..to avoid the judgment.


'the dark side'..one of the sub-forums here on BL..is a great place
to vent. this post will probably be moved there, i'd think.
which is a good thing..lots of support over there.
good luck.

 

[T. Calderone]

Of course your boyfriend is not going to tell you he's using more frequently. He knows that you're going to be unhappy about it.
Are there obvious signs, has he lost weight or congested alot?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

he did tell me he would never lie again

And how did you know that wasn't a lie?

-> SLR

 

[yteek]

We can't tell you whats going on.

We don't know your boyfriend or what he's doing. I'm not going to make assumptions and add fuel to a fire that doesn't involve me. Anybody can give you their opinion, it just seems better not to entertain ideas that may not benefit reality. I will say, there appears to be an obvious trust issue and rather or not drugs are the primary problem here, I do think it'd be important to tackle that issue as well.

As said before, I think this fits the dark side a little better.

 

[sekio]

He's likely lying to you and has a moderate to severe cocaine problem. Especially if he's prone to mood swings, financial "troubles", bouts of congestion, mania/violence, and appetite loss.

If there's a rift in your relationship he is probably using cocaine to make himself feel better. Getting defensive about drug use, and lying to others is a pretty strong tip-off that he has a problem. And as you said, doing large amounts in a sitting means he probably has a tolerance. (That in and of itself is not a bad thing, but when you put it together witht he other pieces of the puzzle...)

Especially because you two are physically distant it is very likely he is abusing cocaine and coverign it up. Unfortunately you can't really do much but state your concern for him. Do remember that if he's lied to you about drugs before he will amost certainly lie again. You can't trust some people around certain drugs. Cocaine is notorious for being a seducer of men and women alike.

The possibility does exist that he's been entirely truthful and is simply tressed but from what you have told us I think you should have a talk with him and see if anything is bothering him.

 

[thelastclubkid]

oh yeah... as a guy who has been on both sides of the situation let me tell you its *very* likely he is lying... but this is pretty normal for a relationship when one person wants to do it and the other doesnt (or says that they dont... its very easy for one person to play the high-and-mighty card where they say they are done with it but really want to do just a little bit...)

also consider that cocaine use does not always manifest as financial problems/crazy cracked out behavior; but it is common... cocaine is an *extremely* difficult drug to control... most people never get it under control and end up having to abstain from it... if ur BF has it available and wants to do it then he is going to do it without regard to what you want..