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TDS communicate with just a right eye?

ugly

ugly

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,316
My friend Laura was hit by two cars while riding her bike home from the market. She is a middle aged woman like myself. She doesn't have any family, just her husband.

I've been going to see her almost every day since it happened, jeez, two months ago almost? Anyway they moved her from the hospital to a long term facility.

I have always wondered how much she knew, remembered, or understood. Today she was conscious. For the first time, her right eye was open and she looked right at me. I spent a few hours "talking" with her. She just answered or questioned with her eye contact with me.

It was clear that she had come out of her coma state. It was also clear that she was aware of her injuries for the first time. She can consider what her future will be like.

I felt like she was able to show emotion through that one eye. I think we really were communicating. How can I know? The night before she got hit, she and I were sitting on the couch smoking a blunt and talking. I've not seen her personality until just today. But about a third of her brain is gone, so I have been thinking she might be "retarded" for lack of a better term. NOW I think the locus of her personality was not damaged.

I don't know why but her eye contact today is sort of haunting me tonight. It was one thing when she was totally irresponsive. Seeing that she knew she was completely paralyzed fucked me in the head.

Did she communicate with her eye? Is that even possible? Did I interpret correctly her pupil dialating or her eyelid blinking when we "talked"? These responses came when it was her "turn" in the dialog and where she would have naturally responded.

It is awful for me tonight, thinking "now she knows". She knows she can't walk, talk, eat. She didn't know. Now I think she understands and she looked sincerely tired of holding on.
 
That is a gut wrenching story. I cannot imagine waking up into that nightmare reality. I am sure that this is really hard for you. Take good care of yourself. You are a good friend.<3
 
Technically the communication with just eye needs some kind of additional devices, this is what people with so called locked-in -syndrome use. I must admit that it the most horrifying condition I've ever studied, but human being is incredible adaptative when it is really needed. I hope she makes further progress, life is just so fragile.
 
first of all, plenty of <3 to you and your friend...
as for your question.. yes, you can communicate with only an eye, as cook and morpheus pointed out.
If you did not, I suggest you talk with doctors/nurses. I don't know whether they will tell you the medical details of her condition, but from my experience I would say that is important that you, your friend's husband and all other people that care for her are made aware of what brain areas/functions are damaged and of her recovery process.
Take care <3
 
Thank you, each of you, for your helpful remarks. Originally she wasn't expected to live. The doctor said she has massive brain injuries the likes of which he had not seen prior to this. She is holding on, and the doctor said she lost enough of her brain that there is no way she won't have serious brain damage but now time alone can tell.
 
I am with my friend. Her BP is low. Her temp is high. I showed her video of my 3 month old grandson and she tried very hard to make noise through the trache. She was with me when he was born. Right now her husband is down on his knees face to face with her, singing to her. She can't do anything but talk with her eye. She's tired. Her husband is not going to let her go. He's just not. If I sent the pic of him singing to her, you'd understand right quick what the husband and the wife are doing. I know I shouldn't be crying but I am.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Ugly. :(

That's really horrible and I feel so sorry about her situation.
 
She's still here <3



I do not know how she continues, but she does. She is helpless, and curved around to her left side because her CNS and a large chunk of her brain are basically gone, but she is strong in her way, and it's been a full three months since she was so brutally run over.

Although she's on antibiotics, she is running a fever. Her eyes are bright and communicative, except these last few days, she's been feeling bad.

We always shared laughs over a joint or three, and it made my day brighter when we got to hang out together for awhile.

I just felt like saying it now, because she's in my now at the moment.

I don't know what the future holds.

I'm just thankful that this is my friend and that we still communicate face to face.
 
That is one of the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen. No matter what else is going on in your life, ugly, (and I know it is a lot) I hope that you can see what a miracle you are for your friend. There is a grace, when everything else falls away, and you are in it. Bless you for all your compassion and your strength and your humanity. <3
 
Ugly, I'm so incredibly sorry this had to happen to your friend. I'm happy to hear she has someone like you to help her through this.
My best friend a few years ago was in an accident as well and was in a coma for 9 months before passing away. I remember going to see him every single day, speaking to him for hours and wondering if he could hear me, could process what was going on, or just had any sort of idea what he was doing in a hospital bed.
I like to think it made him realize how important he was to all the people who sat by his side for days on end - and I'm sure your friend has realized that as well. If she's got people like you to help her through this I'm sure she will be happy she survived.
<3
 
Pagey I am sorry you lost your loved one after nine months... That he passed without any lucidity after everything else he went through would have been insanely painful, I would imagine.

Vinny, those videos are remarkably interesting. Just last night I told Laura we needed to learn Morris Code so she could blink out messages. I was kidding but if we both already KNEW it, that would be awesome.

I gave her a mani and a pedi last night. She has made enough progress that she can open both eyes big at me if she wants to emphasize something I said. I showed her video of my now 4 1/2 month old grandson and she breathed audibly with her trache in long breaths that reminded me of her laughter.

I pray over her out loud each time our visits end. Tonight after I finished her nails and gathered my things together, she locked eyes with me and I got close to her exactly as in the photo, and I met her gaze, and just waited. Eventually she "asked" me not to leave without praying for her. I did not imagine it. I have learned to look into her eyes and wait. She can send. I'm learning to receive by staying open to her and giving her all the time in the world to explain what she wants to say to me.

I am the only person besides her husband who visits her. All have fallen into hopelessness. Visiting her causes all the other people who knew her too much sorrow.

We are sisters now. I promised her I would continue our friendship as long as she continued in this life. I touched her trache, and my trache necklace, and said "I am your sister, Laura.
You can depend on me." She tweaked one muscle in her face, but I have learned that is what her smiles look like now. To communicate with her now is to forget the concept of time. Be mindful of each new move she can muster, no matter how slight, and tell her I saw it and have her confirm it to me with her eyes.

My evenings with Laura are more spiritual than any religious service
I ever attended, more meaningful than any speech I've heard, more fulfilling than any meal I've ever had, and are shaping me into a slightly different rendition of myself.

Earlier this week we were sitting together just as in the pic, and I had smoked one while walking on my way from the car around to the building she is in. I told her I was high (she knew) and told her when she even felt like getting high still, I would shotgun her one right in her trache. It would not be a good idea and we both know it but she gave me a quick wink.

That's Laura for you.
 
ugly said:
I pray over her out loud each time our visits end. Tonight after I finished her nails and gathered my things together, she locked eyes with me and I got close to her exactly as in the photo, and I met her gaze, and just waited. Eventually she "asked" me not to leave without praying for her. I did not imagine it. I have learned to look into her eyes and wait. She can send. I'm learning to receive by staying open to her and giving her all the time in the world to explain what she wants to say to me.
Click to expand...

You and Laura are, indeed, sisters. Absolutely, she can still send! I hope you tell Laura's medical team that she's showing signs of recognition. It is all too easy for people who see these things every day to write the subtle signs of consciousness off as artifacts. Laura is clearly not brain-dead. And I hope the people that hit Laura on her bike were taken to task for their bad deed. Hitting and running is not OK, nor is it legal.

You are a great friend, Ugly. Have you considered the idea of playing soft music for Laura in addition to everything else you are doing? Can Laura tap? Blind people learn Braille and Morse Code travels across oceans. All of that happened before the Internet! Determined people find a way to live. I hope Laura's husband is taking care of himself as well.

Much love to you, Laura, and family.
 
See if the doc will give her some THC...You claimed she enjoyed smoking weed,maybe that may bring some comfort...Keep being there for her...Please don't ever leave...
 
Thanks Mariposa. I keep a written and photo record of everything to do with Laura. The staff where she is are astute to her changes. The nurse Laura doesn't like KNOWS Laura doesn't like her. (Laura most likely heard more than she was supposed to at some point.) and I do bring music. So does her husband. We listen to "Best Friend" by Brandy first, usually while I am moisturizing her skin. I have noted a gradual decline in muscle tone as I massage lotion onto her limbs. Her muscles are atrophying and I discussed this with the doctor yesterday. So we have music playing during a lot of our time together. Her husband brings her favorite music, a different album or playlist each day, and leaves it softly playing in one earphone every night when he leaves, so she can go to sleep listening to her tunes, not her machines.

Jasper, we have not asked for Laura to be medicated with cannabis because we don't know if she wants to be medicated right now. Also, we don't want to be known as the potheads in the facility. In my experience, a label can permanently ruin a reputation. The burden of that albatross in our situation could have a negative impact on us or on Laura.

Speaking of cannabis, it's finally Friday. I need to medicate. Now.
 
Good point.That label may lead to neglect...I put too much faith in the kindness of humanity...Prayers your way,for you both.
 
RIP Laura. I know you fought long and hard to stay alive. At least now you can rest. In peace, my darling, precious friend.
 
I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you and thank you for sharing this story <3

It made me cry reading this thread and seeing the photo; you are such a sweet person. It made me think about how we should appreciate the people in our lives and the physical health/abilities we do have, as either of those things could suddenly be taken at any time. I hope that my saying that doesn't make you feel more sad, I'm just trying to explain how this thread touched me.

I'm glad you got to spend some time with your friend and that you were able to share some emotion and intuition through her eye(s), she knew you were there for her. And she has found peace now.
 
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