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Coming Out/Back from the wreckage....

10YearsGone said:
Hey Sim. Hope work is going ok. I hate typing on the phone- dont have a keyboard right now so this shit takes forever to type.

Im asking about how hard Im about to get hit w w/d after about a 3wk run. And what you'd suggest to get through it best.

After all these years of being addicted to opiates I have no experience w the reverse lol. Meaning being clean for a yr and a half then going on a 3wk rin and stopping cold turkey. My sobriety, being off of opiates was a miracle to me and very hard won- so I don't want to go back. And am scared I will and the seizure thing is on my mind. They were violent and happened both times I CT'd. My house burnt down 2yrs ago and I got arrested for paraphernalia- empty bags and rigs were found. What a shitty day that was.

Thanks for your time Sim.
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Ah, OK, got it. Well, I should say first off that there are other folks around here whose thoughts may be different from (and better informed) than mine. But I'll give you my own thinking...

The severity of going cold turkey off of a 3 week run is going to depend a lot on a couple things, including
* How much dope you were doing. What dose did you start at during the run, and how high did it get?
* What ROA were you using? Banging your gear is going to leave you worse off (WD-wise, all other things equal) than, say, snorting or swallowing pills.

But I think it's likely, given what you've said, that you're gonna feel the WDs when you cold turkey off your run. But I also think--assuming the run is roughly 3 weeks long--it's likely that the WDs you DO feel, are not going to approach the severity of the detoxes you've described. Having recently had a fairly brief lapse of my own, I found that the detox was still gnarly, but definitely not like ones I'd experienced after more prolonged periods of using.

In terms of surviving the detox, there's lots of info on SL about comfort meds, and that's not really my area of expertise (I've always gone more or less CT). The one caveat I'll add, though, is that I've found that MODEST use of benzos such as clonazepam or xanax to be a help (not sure how using these is impacted by your tendency to seize, though). Honestly, all I've ever used during detoxes is a little bit of benzos and some immodium.

But the other big aspect of surviving a detox, I think, is preparing yourself mentally. Yes, it's gonna suck. I'm gonna be scared and depressed and in pain. But I also know that it's going to end and that it's not going to kill me (again, if seizures enter the picture, you should talk to a doctor). So as I "ease into" a detox, I spend a lot of time reminding myself that the fear and depression--even the pain--are magnified by the dope...the situation is nowhere near as awful as it seems. I repeat this and things like it over and over. I write it out in my journal many times. In other words, I try my hardest to keep the whole experience in context. Otherwise, my own headspace just spirals into shit.

I hope this makes at least a little bit of sense. It seems kinda lame as I read over it. But that's my .02. Let us know how things shape up. I'm sending you good thoughts, man!
 
Thanks Sim. I was IV'ing 6-7bags a day. I had built my tolerance up over the past few months by doing h a couple times a month for 3-4 days. I still felt some withdrawal but used Lyrica to get through it.

This time I basically used 6-7 bags IV almost every day except for 3 or 4 days.

I know this was hard to understand. Sorry. (Ps Im a she lol) I think its a great idea to write things down in a journal to remind myself it will end and to stay positive.

I am getting a few Lyrica and some Tramadol and loperamide. I have 2 1mg Klonopin-that's all I could get.

I don't believe that suffering through w/d is necessary. Ive done it sooo many times and those 2 cold turkey detoxes were downright dangerous.

Like I said, my story is already here on Sober Living under my original username Stargazer. So if you're ever bored- check it out.

I really feel like screaming for doing this to myself. Thanks again for all the advice and sharing your story. -<3
 
Hi 10years: So glad to see you are working on getting clean! I don't know if you remember me, but you helped me so much when I was first here on BL. Your story was one of struggle and pain, and I want to send you nothing but the most positive of thoughts and energy as you go through the process of getting clean. I do hope you seek medical advice regarding the seizures, though, as they sound like a serious symptom.
 
[mention]POkemama[/mention] not only do I remember you-I miss you girl. I cannot sign in under Stargazer. I have tried. As youve read I took a fall. But getting back up. Pleeeassse PM me. So good to hear from you.

So much to this growing shit Sim. I understand the feeling when you lose your creativity and passion for something. It does feel blah. But I believe it's just another thing we have to get through. Im on day 2- Im miserable and have horrrible cravings. But thats to be expected. Hope everyone is having a great day.
 
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Welcome 10yearsgone,

Good for you, for getting right back on the wagon. That's the toughest part. It sounds to me like you know all about this journey. Which sucks, because it means you've been here before.

I think you'll find that if you stick this one through, it'll be far easier then prior kicks because of the sort duration of your use...I hope so anyway. You'll spend a few days in jail ( so to speak ) but at the end you'll be free again.

I will say that without kratom, I do believe that my recent kick may have killed me. Come to find out pem was right and I was seizing...? But very minor because if the kratom, without it is have probably been thrown into grand Mal.. The shit is a good send. And you don't need much.

Good luck hon! We're here for ya and awake mostly always if you need to chat. I'm going to read your prior story.

Hey.... We need a chat room?
 
Just bumping my story up,,,,Hello again BL. Stargazer a/k/a 10YearsGone (another title of one of my favorite songs)
 
Hey, 10years/stargazer... reading another thread just now, I got the impression that you encountered a slip in your recovery... did I get that right? I'm not asking in order to call you on it or judge or anything (fuck, I've lapsed so many times it's ridiculous). Just hoping we can help, if nothing else, then just by listening.

Sending you warm thoughts. <3
Sim
 
Sixxam said:
Hey.... We need a chat room?
Click to expand...

We're working on it, among other changes, soon to come to SL. It's a slow process though, gotta remember all the mod/senior staff do the work they do maintaining and improving BL on a volunteer basis.

I'll make sure to keep the community informed though. If we are able to get a chat room situation worked out, it is going to take a lot of time though. The programing for the chat itself has to be significantly updated from the platform currently out there, and before that the idea has to get worked out by all staff - notably approved by the admins and senior staff. There is far, far more that goes into setting up something like this for SL than just using AIM or something. Please remain patient :)
 
No Sim/ this is my account I cant sign into. It still exixts I just cant get into it lol
 
Want me to merge this thread with the new one I created for you 10Years? Or, perhaps better yet, I can merge the new one into this one. Please let me know, it's easy enough to do.
 
Whatever way you feel is better TPD. I just wanted to share my story w/o having to re-tell it so I make a little more sense right now.

I hsve been a monster these past couple dsys. Im struggling and pissed off. Grrr. Thankyou for all of your support zzTPD. You're an angel. <3
 
That was so hard to read. How do we call our society civilized? I'm so sorry you went b through that. You didn't deserve any of it. I wonder how many people die every year in jail from withdrawals like you experienced? This should be a huge scandal! There should be a non profit organization that fights for the rights of jailed addicts! Does anyone know of one? If not I swear to god if I ever get back on my feet I will start one.
 
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Great read and I have a similar story going through benzo withdrawals while in Prison. Despite my lack of encouraging and enlightening surroundings in my cell, there is nothing more terrifying than having back to back grand mal seizures from withdrawals in prison.
 
Stargazer, I feel blessed that you remember me, after all the hell you have been through.Your strength and persistence is so admirable. I had a feeling when we were communicating that last time that you may have found some pills... not the heroin, as at that time you were so done with that. I am used to people coming and going here on BL, and was so happy to recognize your old user name, Stargazer, in one the posts here. It was really a coincidence, as I don't read all the posts all the time.
I am on my own journey, myself, with I will share more about in my PM to you. Look for it in the next day or two, my dear friend.
I can't quite tell if you are actually withdrawing or tapering right now, or using to just remain stable as you look for an inpatient facility... it does not matter. I know your goal is to get clean again, and that is all that matters. Hang in there and stay strong!!! You can do this!!!
 
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Oh, I do want to share one thing... a woman, mid 30's was arrested in Colorado for misdemeanor shoplifting charge, and could not make bail. She began to withdraw in the county jail, and she and her cellmate called for help countless times. The officer on duty told her she had to wait until the medical staff could see her during her appointed time.
As she became sicker and sicker, totally dehydrated, the security cams showed her cellmate becoming very upset and begging for help with the dehydration. Just a simple IV was needed to help this woman. All medical help was refused. And she died. I am not a crier. But tears came to my eyes because the thought of the jail staff is "you are an addict so you deserve to suffer". She was also a mom of 7 children. Here is a link with the latest information: http://www.denverpost.com/2016/11/0...family-2-5-million-to-settle-jail-death-suit/

As you can read in the story, herfamily was awarded 2.5 million dollars... that is how wrongfully, horrifically she was treated.
Stargazer, I know you can relate to her... I truly cannot believe you are alive today. I wonder how many hundreds of addictions suffer like this in jail. There must be some way to stop the cruelty and abuse of people with the disease of addiction, not the "crime" of addiction, which is how the jail staff treats addicts.
I think you have a purpose on this earth and that is why you made it through your own torture and hell. You are a miracle, girl, you know that??? Keep on posting and I will write to you privately in the very near future.
 
Thankyou for your kind words- Sim- yes I relapsed. What I went through detoxing in jail still haunts me. They really dont care. When I was being processed I told them everything- that I was on opiates for years- that I was in moderate withdrawal due to missing 2 doses of morphine that day ( the guy laughed that I used the term moderate w/d) I am taking comfort meds trying not to use dope. I really want to go inpatient- it would do wonders for me. But don't have the money.

POkemama- I wrote you a long PM and it said I couldn't send it - something about mobile something. I only have my iphone to use right now. You are amazing- PM me again when you're up to it. Im sending you sll the love, compassion and positive energy possible.
 
Oh, I see... yes, I remember now that you're coming off that relapse. I thought you had another slip since that 3-week run you mentioned last week.

I'm so sorry to hear about the financial burden of inpatient. I assume you've looked into ways of getting financial help (e.g. medicaid)?
 
Medicaid cover inpatient program generally have serious waiting lists and very poor quality of care. The whole public (and private, for that matter) in patient treatment situation just sucks balls all around.
 
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