college campus, 12am - lunch room

[pk.]

fuck current society

fuck marketing
fuck advertising
fuck popular movies
fuck lawyers
fuck government officials
fuck drug enforcement
fuck the liberals
fuck conservatism
fuck large corporations
fuck the new world order
fuck organised religion
fuck sincere poetry
fuck pollution
fuck hippies
fuck yuppies
fuck cancer
fuck enslavement
fuck miniumum wage
fuck everybody
fuck me, I'm the fuck

 

[ForEverAfter]

I feel like giving some feedback, and you are always receptive. So, here goes:

"Current society" doesn't make sense to me for some reason. Might be the morphine, but I think "modern" would make more sense than "current". I'd cut the first line anyway. I don't like "current society"/ "modern society"/ or "society" in this poem. It's not specific enough. The details are what make this poem work; the selectivity. And we can gather that it is about society anyway.

The repetition of "fuck" might benefit from being toned down. I think it flows better if it builds up by grouping some of the terms together. Also, through association, it gains a bit of punch. See - in particular - the fifth line, below.

fuck marketing, advertising and popular movies
fuck lawyers, government officials and large corporations
fuck the new world order
fuck organised religion
fuck poetry, pollution and hippies
fuck yuppies, cancer and minimum wage
fuck the liberals
fuck the enslaved
fuck everybody

fuck me

Reads like a mix between Irvine Welsh and Ginsberg. I think it flows better, now. Sorry for horse raping your poem. I'll buy you a drink first, next time.

-4EA