Opioids Cold Turkey Methadone After 2 months at 90mg

[red86]

I'm a 23 year old female, been addicted to heroin (along with virtually everything else with no exceptions) for four years. I thought perhaps methadone would lessen my yearning for the needle, and it did, but it has also done a lot of other unacceptable shit too. I've been on it for two months, gradually increasing my dose to 90mg. It has begun giving me peripheral neuropathy in my hands at night, waking me up in tears until it suddenly passes ten minutes later (I'm wondering if ANYONE else has experienced this, because so far what little research I've done is turning up nothing.) I've also begun singing, talking, laughing, crying, and sitting up in my sleep. It's fucking creepy. It's like Paranormal Activity. An insatiable craving for sweets is another unwelcome effect. I was craving so bad I would practically cry if I had no access to ice cream or soda. I also think perhaps I was a bit flatter and more depressed on it. I was going to taper anyway, but I had a mild psych episode last week and spent three days in a ward with no access to my methadone and so I am now home and three days out, with only mild digestive issues and some anxiety (but believe me, I know this is just the beginning.)

My comfort meds for this next month are 2mg Klonopin everyday (prescribed by GP), 300-900mg Neurontin as needed (got from an urgent care and never took it so I have a whole bottle, it supposedly helps RLS, nerve pain, some anxiety and insomnia too), Immodium (def. no myth, I have staved off a lot of heroin withdrawal with loperamide, just not sure methadone will be as easily combatted), and an endless supply of pot (access to tinctures, edibles, anything. Medical card in a medical MJ state.) I can probably also get an entiemitic like Zofran or Fenergan from my GP, who knows I'm on methadone and will probably be happy to hear that I'm weening and would help in any way. That's if the pot doesn't work, but it has never really failed me before. I'm hoping this is an ample supply of goods to combat the WD suymptoms of cold turkey methadone WD? Am I correct to be terrified at the impending WD creeping up on me, like days 4-6 when it gets really bad? Will any of this shit help me then at all? Or will I be a puking, shitting, quivering mess regardless? My anxiety now is mild because of the weed and the clonazepam but I'm still dreading what's to come. Give it to me straight BlueLighters, please!

 

[red86]

Update: I've also just tonight begun having sharp headaches behind my eyes, something like a sinus headache. Ibuprofen 800mg didn't really touch it but it's not unbearable, more annoying?

 

[shroomster]

why not taper?

 

[crzydiamond]

For me cold turkey methadone wasn't as bad as heroin, but it's less n tense and more drawn out. The worst, IME, is the extreme fatigue. Fatigue to the point combing your hair is like climbing the tallest mountain on earth in terms of effort. Also the lack of sleep--lay down and swear hours have passed, only to realize its been 15 minutes.

It's possible to do, I lived thru it, but not an experience id recommend if you have alternatives. As someone asked--why not taper? I have done that also and it's a LOT easier

 

[fizzymk]

I was on 60 mg of methadone for over 10 years from pain mgt office, it did wonders for my lower back pain, but I abused it every single month and would run out early every fucking month...I used to just deal with the 5-12 days of withdrawl, until I met a connection for roxis, and eventually H, so I would abuse the done every month, usually taking 90-120mg per day, run out early, then suffer thru the first 3-4 days with nothing, waiting for the long ass half life to leave my system, then cop and use H until I could get my script filled again...Lived like this for many years, it sucked, but I was getting by.

Until This past sept, my pain mgt office surprised me a random drug screen, I tested positive for methadone, which was a good thing, this proved I was actually taking the drug, but also tested positive for morphine (from the H), needless to say, they discharged me right away and told me they were going to ween me off the methadone, but when they told me this, I should have had close to 70 pills left, but since I abused them, I only had like 15-20 left, so I was freaking out, didnt know what I was going to do, cuz the longest I had went without methadone was like 12 days and it was fucking HELL, ended up in the psyche ward for 2 days, it was crazy!!!

So I decided I was just going to use H more until I got thru the methadone w/ds, this was back in late Sept, been using dope about every day since then, and the very short times Im out of dope now, I still go into w/d, but its not as bad as I remember the methadone w/ds, so im pretty sure all the done is gone now and Im just going thru regular heroin w/ds.

The worst part of the methadone w/d imo was the anxiety, the hypersensitivity, like everything smelled really bad, like this really bad metallic kind of smell, was literally everywhere I went..drove me nuts, gave me a major headache, insomnia was terrible, dry heaving when id eat anything, even crackers, sweating hot, then 2 seconds later, freezing cold, but the absolute worst was the restlessness, I would try to lay in bed and go to sleep, toss and turn like every 3 seconds, then I would decide to get up and smoke a cigarette, as soon, as I got out of bed, I was sore, and ached everywhere and ready to go back to bed, but as soon as I was back in bed, I was ready to get up again. LOL I went thru this night after night for days, was so tired, but could not sleep longer than about 30 minutes, and waking up after those 20-30 minutes, I felt much worse than before, so it sucked.

Another bad part was like having no energy, it was tough to just get a shower and tie my shoes, but even though I had no energy, I couldnt sit still either, kind of like my body couldnt figure out what it wanted to do, and no matter what I tried, it would change 2 seconds later...really fucked up..hated it.

Finally the worst part of methadone w/d imo was knowing each and every day was going to get worse and worse and wouldnt peak for weeks and maybe months!! Ive said it before, but its one thing if you are sick as hell, but know each day will get better and better, but its something else entirely when you KNOW each day is going to get worse and worse...I was SOOOO fucking pissed during this time, I was pissed at GOD for creating our brains receptors like this, I mean, why the fuck would just stopping use of a particular drug, cause SOOOO much pain and agony, and for SOOOOO damn long, add to that, you dont even get any relief at night when sleeping, of fuck no, thats to much to ask for, those receptors MAKE SURE you suffer for as long as possible, for every possible second of every day!!!

IMO, heroin w/ds are nothing compared to methadone, the worst part of heroin w/d for me are the stomach cramping and general nausea, headaches, lack of energy, body aches, but its nowhere as bad as coming off methadone! I regret ever getting on methadone..will never take another one though!

Good luck, if you ever want to discuss methadone w/d more in depth or need someone to talk to that has been thru this shit before, feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[dirzted]

^^^I think contacting the above poster would be a smart thing to do, if nothing else it's a good idea to keep in touch with someone who can actually sympathize with you when going through something like that.

If there is anyway you can get more MD, that would probably be a better route to take, because tapering is likely to give you a much higher probability of success than a straight up cold turkey. Still though, you seem to be knowledgeable regarding opiate withdrawal, and have a great array of substances to help soothe the negative effects that will most likely arise, so in any case you still are prepared.

Sorry to hear you have to endure this, good luck and hope everything goes well!

 

[IvyK]

Sounds like fizzymk and I have been living a nearly parallel existence. The only difference really was that being on methadone since 2002 I didn't abuse it. In 2006 I quit alcohol and except for the methadone and prescribed adderall I was completely sober. Until a couple weeks ago anyway, I've realized now that all I was really was a legal junkie, but I didn't drink or do other drugs and I always stuck to my daily dose. I never failed a UA and never asked for an early Rx but my docs office made a decision to stop giving methadone across the board. I'd been stable and not struggling with addiction for the first time in my life for the last few years. I got so pissed off at the docs for fucking up my good game that I quit them. In cold sweating bloodshot hindsight that was probably a really big misstep on my part, but I just lost faith in them totally. I tried the methadone clinic but I couldn't deal with their insanity so I've hit the wall a few times prompting me to take actions that mean I've pretty much kissed any semblance of my sobriety on a technicality goodbye. Methadone had me convinced I had this shit in the bag finally. The big lie. Now, I've been sniffing, shooting and smoking everything I can get my hands on all just to avoid the hellish withdrawals I know I'm in for. My methadone w/d experiences are pretty much identical to fizzymk with two 'bonus features', sort of the directors cut of detox. One is that on top of the w/d I also have to deal with the original reason I started it in the first place; neuropathic pain in my lower legs and feet resulting from nerve damage done during a spinal fusion in 2000. Think setting your feet on fire being a pleasant distraction. The second, I'm not sure if fizzymk is M or F but for me being F, any change in methadone dose or methadone w/d brings on menstruation that can last a very long time. Good times. My advice would be if you can stand it, stick with it and get off this shit now, delay will only make things worse, and once your off never walk through that mud again. Shit will ruin your life. There is no way I can face at home cold turkey detox from methadone again. I really can't even go there in my mind. No way. I've done it once a couple of years ago and it is truly terrible. Then again, I can't keep living like this either so I guess I'm going to be looking at inpatient detox before it's over with if I can't find a knowledgeable and safe ibogaine provider in the states. That's always something you could look into if it gets really intolerable. I can't say I necessarily recommend it, it's just one of those things you have to look into and decide if it's right for you or not.

 

[OCLINDSAY]

keep up girl I just dropped OCs 2 weeks ago. Dont know how much the wd differ from heroin. Just keep up girl and keep posting here like me I just became a member today and found some people to talk to

 

[red86]

Thank you immensely for the advice everyone, it was very much on par with what I expected to hear. This ain't gonna be a cakewalk and nobody gets it for free. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?

Tapering would be an option if I had my own transport and money, but I started on methadone right out of detox from heroin (weird huh? I just knew I couldn't hack it) and am entirely dependent on my parents for rides and funding. They are terrified by the side effects they've seen me exhibit and will not take me back to the clinic now that I had those few forced days off. It definitely shows a lack of education on their part to enforce a CT of methadone on me (although they are also making sure I have all these comfort meds too and rides to my GP for more if necessary) but at the same time I gotta say there's is no better time than now for me anyway. Drag it out or rip the bandaid off? I have no obligations currently, just finished the semester and won't be going back to school until summer, no job or need for money. In other words I've regressed to the station of a 15yr old child and I plan to lay at home for a month on lots of comfort meds hoping for the better dayz.

I have a strange optimism about it this time, and after I'm feeling at least a modicum more normal I plan to look into long term (3 month) residential treatment. I know a lot of its bullshit, but there's a sick program in Prescott, AZ, not far from where I live in Phoenix and they have some sweet new ideas and are kinda holistic. I can get down with the hippy dippy equine therapy bullshit. Hot springs? Where do I sign? lol.

I recognize that I'm privileged in a lot of ways, and that for my bullshit behavior as a rude, evil, lying addict I do not deserve all the chances I've received, but for the love of some deity I hope I can seize this opportunity, unlike the way I've squandered countless opportunities in the past.

I currently have no connects and no money, no energy to arrange for either anyway, and I've resigned myself to CT. I thank each and everyone of you for responding and will update if anyone cares how the month goes. Thanks for looking out BL. I will brace myself. Ayayay.

 

[dirzted]

Thank you immensely for the advice everyone, it was very much on par with what I expected to hear. This ain't gonna be a cakewalk and nobody gets it for free. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?

Tapering would be an option if I had my own transport and money, but I started on methadone right out of detox from heroin (weird huh? I just knew I couldn't hack it) and am entirely dependent on my parents for rides and funding. They are terrified by the side effects they've seen me exhibit and will not take me back to the clinic now that I had those few forced days off. It definitely shows a lack of education on their part to enforce a CT of methadone on me (although they are also making sure I have all these comfort meds too and rides to my GP for more if necessary) but at the same time I gotta say there's is no better time than now for me anyway. Drag it out or rip the bandaid off? I have no obligations currently, just finished the semester and won't be going back to school until summer, no job or need for money. In other words I've regressed to the station of a 15yr old child and I plan to lay at home for a month on lots of comfort meds hoping for the better dayz.

I have a strange optimism about it this time, and after I'm feeling at least a modicum more normal I plan to look into long term (3 month) residential treatment. I know a lot of its bullshit, but there's a sick program in Prescott, AZ, not far from where I live in Phoenix and they have some sweet new ideas and are kinda holistic. I can get down with the hippy dippy equine therapy bullshit. Hot springs? Where do I sign? lol.

I recognize that I'm privileged in a lot of ways, and that for my bullshit behavior as a rude, evil, lying addict I do not deserve all the chances I've received, but for the love of some deity I hope I can seize this opportunity, unlike the way I've squandered countless opportunities in the past.

I currently have no connects and no money, no energy to arrange for either anyway, and I've resigned myself to CT. I thank each and everyone of you for responding and will update if anyone cares how the month goes. Thanks for looking out BL. I will brace myself. Ayayay.

IF i can add one more thing here it would be to stay the hell away from anything with "holistic" in the name (if you actually want REAL treatment that has a possibility of working)- look at places with the most credentials that have options other than the 12 steps, there are quite alot of "Smarter" recovery options that include the most up to date psychological knowledge on the disease model of addiction, making them the most adept to treat it (IMO). The fact that you are trying to get into a residential place yourself already shows your potential, so I'm sure no matter what your choice will help you in your attempts at recovery... Good Luck!

 

[inthetriptank]

Hang in there if this is what you really want. I was on methadone for almost 5 years, 70 mg for most of it, and believe me I was TERRIFIED to quit. I wasn't experiencing the neuropathy or sleep disturbances you describe, but had learned to live with no sex drive, constant fatigue, and other issues...every time I wanted to fly somewhere, I had to present airline personnel with a fucking letter for why I should be able to carry my medication with me. That alone made me feel like a prisoner of the stuff. It wasn't great.

I tapered pretty quickly this past year and finally got off the done at the beginning of november. Yes it sucks, but it passes...and comfort meds seem to make a huge difference. As someone pointed out, the WD's are not so intense as they are long and drawn out. It has taken 6+ weeks, but I am finally starting to feel like my old self again, and am sooooo happy to be free of 'done. It is a good feeling. You can do this, just stay strong!!

 

[red86]

Dirzted, you are 100% right about the holistic thing. I definitely should've used a different term for the place I was describing. I definitely don't want to get caught up in some bullshit yoga retreat disguised as a rehab. I am just so tired of watching my potential slip away from me. I'm at this crossroads where I either fully embrace the life of an addict or I try with all my might to live sober. I'm ready to try. When I say sober, mind, I'll probably always smoke pot (too bad I can't bring my medical MJ card to rehab hehe) but I can't be sticking needles into my veins anymore or driving strangers nuts with conversation when I'm tweaking or successfully fooling doctors into writing scripts of shit I've never needed. It's gotten so old.

And thanks for the reassurance, inthetriptank! I'm 5 days in and sleeping ALL THE TIME. Taking all the comfort meds I mentioned in the OP. It is a very psychological withdrawal for me so far. I keep finding my mind wandering to memories and thoughts of traumatic or sad shit, and it will just pop up out of NOWHERE as I am doing something completely unrelated. Without my Klonopin I imagine this symptom would be enough to drive me nuts. Like thanks to my shitty brain for bringing up the worst shit I can possibly think of when I'm already playing goalie trying to keep physical symptoms at bay. My meds are helping in that area tremendously but my digestive system is still sensitive and I can only eat a little bit at a time. I suspect I wouldn't eat at all if it weren't for the pot. Motherfucker. All I can ever think even years later is what did I get myself into? An irreversible rabbit hole of pain and suffering? Fuckkkkkkk. But knowing that others have done this and come out the other side feeling ok gives me hope. I am remaining as optimistic as the situation allows.

I would caution anyone in the world against recreational opiate use, just knowing what it has come to for me, but at the same sick time I wouldn't replace even a second of time when I was opiated with sober time. I feel like I got to touch the heavens and no normal person ever does. Like I've reached the summit of some mountain of bliss the normies aren't privvy to. And I've made great sacrifices to touch it. I still wouldn't take it back.

And therein lies the real sick part of being a heroin addict, that simultaneous love and hatred for a mere chemical. The struggle begins anew. Sigh.

 

[red86]

Just an update, REALLY starting to feel it now at day 7. Horrible thoughts creeping up on me, crying a lot, feeling emotionally flat when I'm not horribly depressed. And the worst part is I'm a week out and could probably get high on dope now. Get thee to a rehab! Right? Lol. Fuck me.

Right now it's balls early for me but I woke up all cuddly and hot/cold with some fucked up GI issues. Now it's dark and I'm alone. I watched some Breaking Bad earlier yesterday. Watching Jesse shoot his first speedball... Fuck. Watching that needle go in his vein made me cry at the simultaneous destructiveness yet beauty of the act. Then he laid back with that goofy opiated smile and that beautiful music and I started to laugh like a maniac. Cause it felt so true. I miss that feeling.

All the Klonopin the world isn't going to help me now. I can't help but feel that only by some miracle will I ever be free from this.

 

[onetwonine]

I would say taper but you've already started. Keep it up it will only get better. The first time i tried hopping off i didn't make it past the second day.

I had to move to across the country, and spend months tapering before my second successful attempt. I came off 5mg the second attempt, as opposed to 65mg, plus an absolutely biblical heroin habit on top of it the first.

Methadone w/ds are a marathon not a sprint. Your almost there, your sleep should start improving soon, the third week was physically the easiest but mentally the worst.

A new, rewarding life awaits.

Good luck.

 

[Bambooshoot]

Hey. You are doing amazingly. What you are doing is immensely hard. I'm also 23 yo female in much the same circumstances. Been IV for 4 years. Only not quite made it onto maintenance yet. Keep with the updates. And keep reminding yourself once you've done this you'll never have to go through WD again, won't have to worry about your next fix, all the negative horrible stuff that comes hand in hand with being an addict. You'll be free of the ball and chain that is heroin. Stay strong. ~Bambooshoot

 

[crzydiamond]

Just wanted to say hang in there. At least you have the meds. I did it cold turkey with nothing. The only thing that kept me sane was I had no idea how long methadone wd was. I was used to heroin wd so I would greet each day expecting to feel better. (And didnt for about 2 weeks). But at least that way I got thru da by day. It took me 32 days to be completely normal, sleep and everything, with the exception of sneezing fits which persisted for another month or so.

The restlessness and fatigue are the worst. If your meds allow you to sleep that's more than half the battle! Be glad you are able to sort of take a break from life and responsibilities. Even though it seems like life is going on without you, that's ok. You'll rejoin soon

The negative emotions are just part of the wd. Remember that and they'll affect you a bit less.

On a side note--wow, yes, your parents are a bit clueless in enforcing a methadone wd just cause you were off for 3 days. That's only the beginning. I guess they think its like regular opiate wd.

Stick to it. Like I said it can be done. I came off twice--once cold turkey and once by tapering. On the bright side, after cold turkey I stayed completely clean for almost 9 years. ...

 

[red86]

So glad I made this post, seriously you guys are the best cheerleaders ever.

Today (day 7 or 8?) fucking sucked!!! Woke up with horrible hot/cold flashes at 5:30am, took a shower and felt grimy for hours. I tried repeatedly to go back go sleep but it just wasn't happening. Vomited a bunch of bile. Laid there shaking and dry heaving until it passed (felt like forever!) It took a phenergan suppository and a bowl of pot to kill the nausea. The only time I ever eat so little is when I'm tweaking. Managed a lunchable (lol) and a sandwich, some juice and a soda for the day.

Emotionally, I'm still extremely shaky. Crying, ruminating, etc. My mind never seems to stop turning things over. I'm distracting myself with a lot of TV. I managed a nap so that's good. I have NEVER been so fatigued before except when I cold-turkeyed from 400mg/day Seroquel. Why do I do these things to myself!? I'm always just like "fuck it! I'm jumping off!" Methadone WD truly does seem to get worse every day. I actually thought I'd avoided it around day 4 because I felt OK. I knew as of yesterday that wasn't so.

Now my grandfather's dying (hardly even knew the man) so my mom is dipping out to Kentucky and I get stuck home alone with my asshole father. He gives no fucks about my WD pains lol. In his mind I brought it all on myself and who am I to argue that? I will do my best to avoid him as he's sure to bring some tears. It could be 1000x worse I know and I feel like a pussy for complaining but it's hard not to. My dope cravings are back in full force. I'm already thinking up ways to get some (seemingly against my will!? Like fucking auto-pilot! Ughhhhh. Then I catch myself and try to distract myself all over again.)

At any rate, meds make all the difference. For those of you who managed it without any, I salute you. I'd be running for a detox center without my comfort meds. I'm taking mostly what they'd be giving me in a center anyway (minus the clonodine which I wish I had) but they would nix my Klonopin and pot which are obviously of the utmost importance. I ran out of pot for roughly 24hrs the other day and just about jumped off a cliff. It is imperative to my normal mental functioning and combatting nausea right now. I cry and puke way too much without it. But once I'm up long enough to have taken 14 different meds I usually feel alright, besides the fatigue. I take 800mg Ibuprofen, 25mg phenergan, 1mg klonopin, 900mg gabapentin, a bajillion Immodium, and some Pepto bismol all at one time, usually twice a day, occasionally just once. Smoke a little under a gram of medical grade cannabis daily too.

Tonight has been fine. I feel decent enough thanks to the aforementioned meds, used this awesome infrared foot massager and watching some TV now. Like someone said, it's definitely a marathon as opposed to the sprint of heroin withdrawal. Methadone maintenance has saved lives so I will not knock it, but boy wouldn't it be nice to go to a clinic and maintain a dose of heroin instead? The coming of the new year has definitely given me a lot of thought. I fear it will be equally as horrible as 2014 but hope it will be better. And then I cry some more hahaha. It's FUCKED. I've never been a huge cryer so this is lame.

Anyway thanks again everyone! I will keep updating and reading your advice and encouragements. It's immensely helpful and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Bambooshoot]

Red I don't think you realise quite how much mental strength you have.What you are doing and going through is incredibly hard. Most would crumble at the thought of it. You just seem to be taking it in your stride. Without a doubt your comfort meds are making all the difference but the thing they don't do is satisfy the little voice that 'just wants heroin' . I've tried many different ways of coming off from tapering to substituting with DF and slowly reducing but you've given me hope that with the right combo of comfort meds, plenty weed and the right mental attitude CT might actually be possible. Please keep us updated!! You are doing amazingly. Very few people have the mental strength to do what you are doing. Keep it up. I'm sending all the love and positive vibes! ~Bamboo

 

[wezface]

I would say taper but you've already started. Keep it up it will only get better. The first time i tried hopping off i didn't make it past the second day.

I had to move to across the country, and spend months tapering before my second successful attempt. I came off 5mg the second attempt, as opposed to 65mg, plus an absolutely biblical heroin habit on top of it the first.

Methadone w/ds are a marathon not a sprint. Your almost there, your sleep should start improving soon, the third week was physically the easiest but mentally the worst.

A new, rewarding life awaits.

Good luck.

Wow, sounds like we've had almost identical experiences. I had to taper down at my MMT clinic and then move across the country and jump off at 10mg. It was a shitty month, but I got past it.

OP, you will too. Hang in there. When the world starts to get bright again, that's when you know that things will look up soon.

 

[red86]

Wow man. Bamboo and Wez, I got nothing but love for ya. I had a rough morning (who am I kidding? They all are) but one good thing about those rough mornings is my day typically gets much better as it goes by. I don't feel sick when I fall asleep at night. I just wake up that way. Covered in sweat. Ugh. I just keep taking meds, smoking weed, watching TV. I let myself cry when I need to, it's only right that I feel all these things I've suppressed for so long. Go to the occasional meeting purely to vent. Dip out fast so people don't ask for my number lol. I'm just too fucked up in the head for regular contact with people. I've become a little bit of a recluse.

Long term rehab is a no go, insurance won't cover it, but it's no big deal. Namely because it's fucking easy to stay clean in there. I need to learn how to live outside. I had a month in-patient last time and used the day after I got out. And I was gung-ho. So obviously it's not the answer. There isn't one. It's going to take heroic effort. I have to figure out what it is inside me I hate so much, and I have to fix it. Only then will drugs take a backseat.

But anyway, I'm doing it, still haven't used, and like Wez said, one day I will wake up and the world will be bright again. And I will smile and laugh again and actually feel it. I just have to stay away from abusing these hard drugs. I will stick with pot for now, no plans to quit that too (my god it's all I have, don't drink or smoke cigs so I gotta get it someway.) I've got to start working out too. I'm still HEAVY with fatigue but I stretch out on occasion. It feels like torture lol.

I'm trying to have a sense of humor about it all when I can. I've spent the last five years in agony (constantly juggling various drugs to avoid sickness or sedation or mania or whatever, never feeling normal, never honest or free) what's a little more of it? I turn 24 in a little under a month. I don't want my 24th year to be anything like my 23rd. I want to be proud of myself for once doing the brave thing, for finally surrendering to life. I want to look my father in the eye. He told me to be a soldier through this. I'm gonna be a fucking Navy SEAL you old prick. I'm in the fight. The life of an addict is too fucking hard for me. I will continue to update. The encouragement I've received from you guys has brought me so much happiness and right now every little bit of that counts. THANK YOU.