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Cold turkey from opiates..I can feel again.

ScarletFires

ScarletFires

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 28, 2013
Messages
25
Location
USA
So I recently went to a inpatient detox. They provide you with all the medicine that makes the withdrawal a little better. I was there for 5 days, and the whole time I was there I felt like I was apart of something..bigger. The day I got out I immediately called my dealer and used. Then called another dealer and used some more. Then I got wasted and did some coke. I felt empty leaving that center.

I didn't use again and I am now on my fourth day clean. The first three days were so damn hard. I shook, I cried and cried, rls, hopelessness, so cold..so hot, my lower back has never felt so much pain etc etc. But man..when I cried..it felt so good. Surprisingly, cold turkey with nothing to ease the pain made me really realize how I have got to stay clean. It was damn miserable, but today I woke up with HOPE. Dammit, fucking opiates take your soul. You spiral down so fast-you have no idea what you have become. Through out the day the hopelessness, the aggravation, the restlessness still hit so hard. I have those evil cravings telling me "use one more time" "it's fucking New Year's Eve..you deserve it".

For anyone reading this..those cravings lie. Your mind tricks you and you think, hey, just one more time of feeling good and then I am done. But you will never feel as good as you tell yourself, be stronger than that. Tonight I am celebrating with ginger ale and nothing up my nose or in my arms..and while I am always going to be battling the demons and as of now I am not 100%..one day I will be. There will be a morning when I wake up and (never thought I would want such a thing) feel NORMAL. I laughed at a movie so hard tonight and at the end I cried. I'm getting my soul back. My emotions, I didn't even realize how much I have lost of myself.

I have a long road ahead of me..I know that. I know the 'bad' feelings will still sneak their way into my mind and through my body but I know if I keep at it..my life will be better and I will be whole again.

Gosh, that felt good to get out. It feels good to finally admit to myself.."I am indeed an addict". No more faking.

Feeling strong tonight and when I don't I just gotta keep pushing until I do again..because I will.
 
Nice work Fire.. <3

You will now need to come up with a recovery plan that allows you to live a peaceful life in recovery.. we often experience really heavy emotions early in recovery best to keep them positive;)

Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
How are you in One Word vs. A Smile is a Curve That Sets Everything Straight

Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki


EXERCISE AND MOOD

Your doing great.. its a learning process and you have made amazing strides=D<3
 
Hey, thanks! And happy new year!

I have an appointment on the 8th with an outpatient center. Intake in the morning then I see the doctor that afternoon. I am probably going to do the three day a week meetings. I feel strong now but I know how easily that weakness and feelings of using can take over.

And thank you for the links..will check em out now. :)

2014...nowhere to go but up!
 
I love the way you summed it all up. I am on that road too, and have only in the last few days quit the worst of withdrawal. Now it's no energy, no happy, but I at least have hope. I lost count on how many times I quit, but this one is better, I am further than I ever thought possible. I sometimes hear the drugs whispering, but I am loath to reset the agony clock. I see people all around me, many older and more frail who seem to be able to get up, go through the day, and be mostly happy. I use to have that in a previous life, and I want it again. Like you said...I want to be NORMAL...and like you I never thought I would
 
Ssgwar, I am right there with you. I see people just walking or at the grocery store and I think..you guys are SO lucky to be able to wake up, get up and just carry on with your day. I am jealous of people just doing ordinary things.

I still get sad and angry and I still feel like crap sometimes. Absolutely no energy but that little thing called hope is the one thing that keeps pushin me. When those negative thoughts creep in all you can do is stay strong and talk yourself out of it.

I posted in a different thread..no matter how awful I feel I just think to myself how much WORSE would I be feeling if I was still using and woke up today and couldn't get any drugs for some reason? That thought usually makes me feel better.

Congrats on your sobriety, it's a long road..but "no matter how many wrong turns you take the important thing is you get back on the right road..it is NEVER too late"
 
Reading this post gave me strength today. I last used on 2nd or 3rd, havn't really taken note of it. And i had huge desires to reuse, but i read your post today and the bit about your resistance to your urges gave me the same hope for myself. Stay strong brother/sister and thank you for posting, take pleasure in the fact that you have helped someone in scotland fell unhelpless.
 
Great way to describe it. Very inspiring. I know the feeling of laughing and crying. Sometimes when I'm withdrawaling I can listen to a song and laugh and cry at the same time. But try crying when you listen to a song after a shot of dope. You feel nothing. It's hard to go day after day sober right after using on a binge, i'm doing it now, i'm using immodium but the only way i can describe it is like there's not one second of the day where i feel relaxed.. it's constant agitation.. and slow they go..
 
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