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Codeine withdrawal hell

A

Astrodude

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 7, 2014
Messages
15
Hi anyone
I have been taking codeine for 5 or so years now since injury
After a while I was prescribed fluoxetine also as I became depressed
I am married, 2 teens, self employed with a physically demanding, dangerous outside job.
I was able to pick up repeat prescriptions at will and the codeine was starting to loose it's efficacy, so I popped more, then I topped them up with otc meds, before I knew it I was on about 600mg per day with paracetamol and ibuprofen, I practiced cold water extraction when I needed to also,
I eventually was persuaded to ask for help, and I got it from my local drug and alcohol centre, I was given 1-1 counselling and eventually asked "so how do I get off this stuff?" Before I knew what was happening I was on a lefoxedine programme, it took a week, and I worked that week, which was hell, I had to keep pulling over at the side of the road to sleep.
It only took me a week (in pain) to request a repeat prescription, I didn't know if I would get it? And sure enough it was there! I thought I could use responsibly!
2 years on and using daily, a lot of pills!
I decided to seek help again, only this time, due to money restrictions in the service or something I was turned away, I was told to go back to my GP
Which I did, and he has been great, as far as dealing with the med side, but I keep hitting brick walls when trying to find support for the addictive monster in me (oh I should mention at this point I have had a history with coke and speed and canabis all of which I kicked on my own)
Anyway
I have been reducing, I got down to the prescribed 8x30mg codeine tabs a day, although I was still buying OTC top ups, and I decided I needed to get off them all before winter, (I'd never be able to do it in the winter months) so I started a 2 week reduction, it went ok, until the last 4 days, then I started to feel it and panicked, I am still working at this time, I took the last one on Tuesday 2nd sept,( I had some spare, just in case, that no one knows about)
I went to see the doc Thursday 4th, he looked at me and was wanting to put me back on a low dose, I didn't want to, as I was afraid I would just return to old habits, so I asked for Valium for a week to help me through, he agreed to this, they took a bit of the edge off but my body was screaming for the codeine, I remember there was a whole 15min that day that I didn't think of codeine!
I took 1 30mg on Thursday night as I was really struggling and wanted to sleep, I took 3 solpedine max on Friday 500/12.8 paracetamol/codeine, on Friday night, I ordered some katrum of the internet, as I had seen forums claiming this helps, I was hoping it would arrive Saturday, it didn't!
I had a big row with my wife Saturday and walked out, I went to a safe place, I have a small caravan and started composing a suicide letter. Then fell asleep due to the diazepam and emotional fatigue.
My wife contacted me and asked me to come back for tea, I did, I cried pretty much non stop all evening, told her I had suicidal thoughts, she wants me to go and see the doc on Monday (tomorrow) to go back on codeine!
I took another 30mg last night,
Should I throw the rest away? Am I just prolonging my agony? Or am I not ready to get off? Have I jeopardised my recovery with the few I have taken? I'm really confused and desperately sad.
Struggling with withdrawal
It's like my days are a physical and psychological torture, I want to take pills soooo bad, cos everything would be "normal" again and I am not sure I'm strong enough to endure this.
The scariest thing is, after the physical withdrawal abates, the mental torture will carry on, for weeks? Months? Who knows?
It would be so much easier to pop pills, but I can't be a Slave to them forever and if I can't do it now, I'll never go through it in winter I haven't got any external help, but I have a pragmatic helpful doc who will do what he can to help.

Sorry this post is so long
And I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it

Any advice would be appreciated, cos I feel so alone.
 
Welcome ! !

I'm a couple weeks off opiates from a taper. Tapering is so very difficult, but it is possible.

You 'did' do it as you mentioned above briefly which is awesome! Sometimes, it's the 2nd or 3rd day of reducing the meds ... that is difficult before stabilizing on a lower dose. I introduced some seizure meds during my cut downs near the end and switched over to methadone briefly, then continued the seizure meds and added benzos first 3 days off my doc. I did a rapid taper but that's not always necessary.

Anyways, there are many options … but sometimes switching to a longer acting opiod can make the suffering less intense with less highs and lows.

I want to add that I felt suicidal, and can see why people actually kill themselves.. But, it passes and is just the drug (most often), and lack of natural receptors in the brain. After a week (on 2nd end week now), it passes, usually. Not to say there are not underlying issues. :)
 
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Hi captain
Thanks for taking the time to reply
My taper was over 2 weeks and under instruction from my gp
However I did start to supplement more OTC pills, then tapered those too in the last week

Hello smokey
Thanks for reading and replying to my rant
I have cleared my day tomorrow in the hope of getting some r&r.
I am self employed so don't have the luxury of taking time off so I will have to sacrifice earnings, and more importantly let customers down, I am hoping I'll feel a bit better tomorrow
I have ordered some katrom as I have seen many people online seem to find it useful
I also had a little smoke this evening and that seems to have numbed some of the feelings
I am worried/scared of the weeks/months ahead but for myself and my family I need to stay strong
I am distracting myself with my hobby tonight astrophotography
Although the bright moon is playing havoc with my plans, but that is why I do it, the challenge!
Just as this part of my life is.
I hope to get to a point when I can see a codeine pill and see the devil!
 
Welcome I wish you luck in your taper although codeine isn't a strong opiate the withdrawal can still be very difficult. My mom used to take 50 to 60 8mg/325mg OTC codeine pills and she did this for over a decade. I finally convinced her to quit after I got acetaminophen poisoning myself now she swears she is off them but is addicted to benzos so now its a whole new struggle that's even worse than codeine. My Mon luckily was able to stop and never look back with my help she never tapered she just dropped off and only had some headaches and difficulty sleeping/rebound pain nothing too intense so she managed. You ever go to a detox facility? Tapering codeine is a pain due to its short mechanism of action so it may be better for you to jist detox off codeine.
 
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Heya back Astro - Yes, what everyone suggests above has helped me.

It might be so very trying to just.sit.still … so distracting oneself … especially if its just walking around the block, as to not overanalyze or project down the road is very helpful… Just staying out of the mind as much as possible. Taking care of 'you' is most important… And it may not seem in the moment, but truly is…

It seems you are aware of the necessary otcs. Also, Tyrosine and L Glutamine (slows one's system down), helped me out a bit. It 'will' get better. :)
 
Hi train spotter
I know codeine isn't considered to be one of the stronger opiates but each person metabolises it differently also as a self employed man with mortgage and family I can't just take two weeks off to relax and don't have the luxury of going into a detox clinic

Hi mcopus
How are you?

Captain!
I think masturbation is the only option at the mo, (with regards to sex) I'm not at my sexiest when I've been crying lol
I am going to go for a walk today
I do eat healthily and am trying supplements too
I'll look into acupuncture, hey maybe a thai massage would help?? ;)

Smokey
Thanks for the encouragement and advice I will look into the supplements you have mentioned

Thanks everyone for taking the time to talk to me!
It's a real help xx
 
Smoky said:
Heya back Astro - Yes, what everyone suggests above has helped me.

It might be so very trying to just.sit.still … so distracting oneself … especially if its just walking around the block, as to not overanalyze or project down the road is very helpful… Just staying out of the mind as much as possible. Taking care of 'you' is most important… And it may not seem in the moment, but truly is…

It seems you are aware of the necessary otcs. Also, Tyrosine and L Glutamine (slows one's system down), helped me out a bit. It 'will' get better. :)
Click to expand...

That's good advice smoky remember "idle hands are the devil's workshop". When I was in detox that's what me and my other buddy usually did when we were in there together. We used to be the ones who walked around the whole detox centre slowly just talking staying out of our minds and it worked when other people were flipping out saying they gotta leave we were relaxed walking in circles walking past the front desk every couple minutes. The place was so small and just a circle basically with rooms on the side but it kept us out of our minds which is important when detoxing.
 
Astrodude said:
Hi train spotter
I know codeine isn't considered to be one of the stronger opiates but each person metabolises it differently also as a self employed man with mortgage and family I can't just take two weeks off to relax and don't have the luxury of going into a detox clinic

Hi mcopus
How are you?

Captain!
I think masturbation is the only option at the mo, (with regards to sex) I'm not at my sexiest when I've been crying lol
I am going to go for a walk today
I do eat healthily and am trying supplements too
I'll look into acupuncture, hey maybe a thai massage would help?? ;)

Smokey
Thanks for the encouragement and advice I will look into the supplements you have mentioned

Thanks everyone for taking the time to talk to me!
It's a real help xx
Click to expand...

Oh I know I wasn't trying to make your situation seem smaller than what it is I have seen people struggle with codeine addiction for years and even seen people go on Suboxone for a codeine addiction. I guess where you live you have to pay to go to detox? I always forget that because where I am it's free for anybody wanting to get clean you just have to go on a few week waiting list but I understand being short on funds/ not wanting to miss any work because it killed me to take a week off work to detox since I never miss a day but each time I told myself I have to focus on myself and get me better so I made due but again different circumstances for everybody. I too have rent to pay bills to pay and my sick mom counting on me to bring in the money so it was tough to take a week and detox at the centre all the worrying I would do while in there. Detoxing doesn't have to be done at a facility either keep in mind if you have someone you trust with you at home you can do it there just tell them to keep you away from pills. Just a thought in case the taper is too difficult or have too many setbacks.

Good luck on your taper or whatever you choose to do remember we have a sober living section too with great support for addicts getting clean:)
 
Hey trainspotter
Thanks for the reply
I know there are people out there in really bad situations where the only release is the poppy in whatever form
It seems to make everything better.
But I know it's a lie, to my body, although that doesn't make it easier.
I work alone, which doesn't help.
I have just been for a walk, about 2.5 mile round trip to the shop to get something in for tea, I was fighting back the tears towards the end of it, as I was approaching home, not sure why.
I think I'll have to clear my diary and take another day off, I can't face work yet.
But I may feel better tomorrow, cos I've felt better than yesterday, I'm just sooooo exhausted

Cheers
 
In your situation, I would definitely NOT try kratom. You'll just be swapping out one addiction for another, as it does have opiate properties and IS physically addictive.

In cases where someone is on a much stronger opiate like heroin, switching to something weaker like kratom to make it easier to quit makes sense. Because you're on codeine, there is not reason to use kratom.

I would look up the Thomas Recipe on Google, it's a home detox kit that should help you get off successfully. It combines a benzodiazepine with OTC meds and will make you a lot more comfortable.

Based on your posts, I think getting help and support is going to be CRUCIAL to your success in this. If you get off and stay off codeine you'll bounce back quickly. But I think it's your addictive behavior that's getting you in trouble.

Wake up early and check out an AA or NA meeting before work every day. It's a great way to start your day and you'll notice the difference. Stand up and say you're a newcomer and looking for some support and you'll get phone numbers of people to call who have gone through the same thing and who will answer the phone when you're thinking about using. I prefer AA, more mature crowd, but either works. Give it a chance, just stopping the drugs won't help if you don't fix the problem.

If AA or NA doesn't work there's SMART recovery, LifeRing, outpatient treatment, drug and alcohol counselling, etc. Anything that helps change the behavior and addresses the issues that lead you to use will help.
 
Hi everyone
I got home after my walk
Had to cook tea for my family as I'm the only one at home at the moment and it seems like the right thing to do to contribute at the moment.
I was fighting back tears trying to motivate myself so I took a Valium to numb myself a bit, then I found 2 solpadeine max, 12.8mg of codeine in each tab, with 500mg paracetamol.
I took them.
They are the last I've got lying around, and it is only a small amount but I know I should have resisted, and thrown them away.
I hope I don't regret it.
I vow not to buy any more

I have to develop more resolve!
 
It seems to me you are doing great… ! !

I know in presence of others it's so very difficult. I am self employed also. There is something called ' stuck grief ' that happens with folks with trauma, and or depression, but 'most of all' medications that keep feelings at bay. Healing comes with feeling the pain as hard as it can be. Just a little at a time.

I guess I'm saying maybe embrace it (not to not stay active). But, it's alright to feel sometimes and not suppress more by fighting it, but just let it happen. Purging emotional build up… via feeling is one way to heal. It can be very cleansing…
 
Thanks Trainspotter,

I know my mind left to it's own devices can fabricate ideas I never would have thought of if with others or just walking around, exercising getting endorphins going, quieting the mind. If even around the block to re-frame my thinking.
I was in detox once and some of us did morning walks around the whole joint, and it really made a better setting for a long day vs waking up and sitting in the kitchen complaining about who is not doing what (dishes and so on). lol.
 
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Astrodude said:
Hi everyone Oki
I got home after my walk
Had to cook tea for my family as I'm the only one at home at the moment and it seems like the right thing to do to contribute at the moment.
I was fighting back tears trying to motivate myself so I took a Valium to numb myself a bit, then I found 2 solpadeine max, 12.8mg of codeine in each tab, with 500mg paracetamol.
I took them.
They are the last I've got lying around, and it is only a small amount but I know I should have resisted, and thrown them away.
I hope I don't regret it.
I vow not to buy any more

I have to develop more resolve!
Click to expand...

Check out my post when you get a chance. I really think you need treatment, whether it's AA/NA or one of the options I listed.

If we could control our habit by force of will we would have and addiction wouldn't exist.
 
Thanks again everyone for your time to post in my timeline
It means so much to know other people with experience are interested enough in my situation to lift a finger!!

Rhun
Thanks for the advice, I did go to my local addiction clinic 2 years ago, I got 1 to 1 counselling that was useful and ended up on a lefoxedine programme that lasted a week then it was goodbye!
When I relapsed I went back (on my knees) and was turned away as they said it should be up to my GP to sort this out as they had been allowing me to get repeat scripts too often, also they thought unless the GP could solve my back issue I would always end up in the same situation.
I was disgusted with the rejection from inspire (that's the service) it used to be j2r that I am reluctant to go back.
I tried a personal counselling option from a counsellor recommended to me by my GP but after leaving 2 voicemails I heard nothing back, at this point I was exhausted and tired of rejection, so I turned to relate, as my addiction was affecting my relationship an thought they might be able to help with my self esteem issues that underpin my need for "something" to change me, that ended up being a bad choice as they delved into our past as a couple (we had been there before, my coke days were quite a problem to my relationship) and opened old wounds that had healed, so I decided I had to deal with this alone (well not really alone as I have a good support network) I wanted to get off the pills before winter, I was doing well, then my back went again! I have to work so I ended up at square one! Fortunately I now have a hotline number to get in to the hospital for an epidural if needed.
But my experience with the addiction services has been jaded, I was at one point training to be a mentor too, but I'm honestly a million miles away from being able to be around people using without being too curious

Is it not possible to use small amounts of katrom to beat cravings?

Smoky
Thanks for the encouragement!
Yeah perhaps there is some stuck grief there?
I have suppressed so much for so long, I am not a naturally assertive person and find if easier to please others than please myself (although there is a paradox there I think) I will put myself out for people and do my best. I also have big issues with conflict, I avoid it at all costs, it makes me Ill to be around angry people, and in a family with 2 teens that's unavoidable, I guess I don't do life well and have always needed an escape of sorts,
I'm not sure what the long term solution will be but I know one day I will get a bit closer to understanding the human condition, (oh the arrogance of that statement, as life moves on the truth is it is more confusing and confounding than it ever was in my headstrong youth)
Anyways
I am now rambling, this thread has been interrupted by my daughter asking me advice on homework due in tomorrow where she has to put 5 things in room 101.
I couldn't say what I thought cos it would lead to too many questions at school. So said money, religion, weapons of mass destruction, wasps, social media, (this forum excluded of course) and slugs!
My teens both know what I am going through, as I have told them but they hopefully will never understand completely themselves.
Thanks again for all of your posts x
 
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