Cocaine paraneud pychosis

[mema1088]

I am not sure if I should post here, but here it goes...I am not a drug user, I am involved with one who uses cocaine as his drug of choice. This has been a long and turbulent relationship. He has been using this drug for over 20 years now and the disease has progressed to an extend that I just can not explain. He has been in and out of treatment centers for the past 12 years clearly showing a desire to stay clean but he has not managed to achieve one year sobriety yet. His pattern seems to be, to work hard at his sobriety, then beginning to slack off considering other things more important than sobriety and relapsing in his 7 to 8th months of abstinence. Prior to this using he begins to be obsessed with thoughts of my infidelity (not truth to this) and begins accusations of dishonest behavior towards me. I love this man dearly as he is a good man, the father of two of my children, but the event of every relapse continue to cause increased pain and damage to our family and to me. During this last relapse he was extremely hurtful with his words, he called me a lying whore with intense conviction, he said that I was a lying whore and that I should accept this type of treatment from him because it is what I deserve. He attributes his relapse to me because (according to him) I can not be honest about my affairs (hence making me a LW). I have repeatedly asked him what the bases are for these accusations and he just says "I just know". When he is actively using, and I mean a large amount of cocaine, he states that he has seen me around with other guys, he has seen me following him etc. (none to this is true naturally..), he has gone as far as searching the internet for people that he thinks are my boyfriend or so, he comes up with peoples names that I have never heard of and he threatens to go find them and shoot them, on account that I have screwed them... He has also exhibit other signs of delusions, such as, police following him, cops outside of the hotel room waiting to bust in and so forth, people in truck driving around following him and try to get something from him and so forth....
I guess my question is:has anyone of you experienced this type of delusions when it comes to you partner, this obsession that your partner is constantly cheating on you but is unwilling to admit it, in other words thinking and seeing things in that respects that are not really real? and can all these delusions be attributed to the use of cocaine? or is there something that I am missing. This problem is putting a lot of strain on our relationship and I am seriously considering making a permanent break, it does not seem to get better, on the contrary, it is getting worse and his fantasies and visions are really sick in my view...when he is using he spends time alone with lots of porn stuff and is always around prostitutes that sell crack....leading me to believe that of course he has sexual activities with these prostitutes (although he says it is not true...) and seriously putting my health at great risk. The thing is, that when he is sober is an entirely different man, loving, caring, generous, unselfish and many other great characteristics that I love about this man, he is very passionate with me and displays intense love for me, but he changes when he uses causing a split personality (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde...), the intense love becomes intense hate for me.... I don't know what to make of this... if any of you has any insight on this I appreciate any comments you have. Thanks you.

 

[caltrain208]

Hey mema, this sounds like a rough situation. If there is any physical abuse, leave. File a restraining order right away (good legal documentation). If he is verbally abusive, try to gather evidence of the abuse (record conversations, see a lawyer). I have some suggestions pulled from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (used in Cocaine Anonymous) that may be helpful if you wish to stay with him. These are pulled from the chapter "To Wives," which is basically advice for dealing with an alcoholic(addict) as a non-alcoholic(addict). The full text can be found here: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

Try not to condemn the alcoholic for his/her actions. When upset by the alcoholic, remember that he/she is very sick. "Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia."

If he/she is "bad intentioned," leave his/her life. No amount of patience will make a difference to this alcoholic.

Do not tell the alcoholic what he/she must do about his/her drinking. "If he gets the idea that you are a nag or a killjoy, your chance of accomplishing anything useful may be zero. He will use that as an excuse to drink more."

"Do not set your heart on reforming your husband. You may be unable to do so, no matter how hard you try."

So long as you are understanding and patient, the alcoholic may want to talk about his/her drinking. Try to have him/her bring up the subject and be sure not to be critical. Attempt to put yourself in his/her place. "Let him see that you want to be helpful rather than critical."

When the discussion arises, suggest that he/she read the big book or at least the chapter "More about alcoholism." "Show him you have confidence in his ability to stop or moderate."

Suggest the alcoholic talk to others who drink like him/her and try to help them. "Drinkers like to help other drinkers."

Help someone else in your life struggling with an alcoholic.

If the alcoholic is at a later stage, bring up the subject of recovery. "In some cases it may be better to let someone outside the family present the book. They can urge action without arousing hostility."

Do not protect the alcoholic from the consequences of his/her drinking.

"We never, never try to arrange a man's life so as to shield him from temptation. The slightest disposition on your part to guide his appointments or his affairs so he will not be tempted will be noticed. Make him feel absolutely free to come and go as he likes. This is important."

Again, if he ever hits you, leave. Without consequences, he will never learn from his actions. Best of luck!

 

[mema1088]

Hi Caltrain,

thank you very much for your comments, they are very helpful, especially the link to the AA "chapter to the wives".
This relationship is very unhealthy for me mentally and emotionally and I am sure for him as well......as long as I am always here for him no matter what he will never understand the extend of the damage, pain and destruction this addiction has caused and continue to cause......it is very difficult for me to separate the man from the disease when he is so mean and hurtful and I get suckered into the downward spin of this disease......
thank you again for your kind words...