Cocaine on mind and body

[Syntak7783]

I keep saying to myself I'm gonna stop everyday....but I haven't done so for 3 months straight....I feel like its completely ruin my life and I never thought I would admit it til this day...There is seriously something wrong with my nose and my throat...Everytime I do my usual bumps every morning before work and every night before i go to sleep...i can feel the wear and tear of my throat and just nose just ripping apart...The funny thing is that although i do it everyday...I'm able to maintain a normal lifestyle by going to work and being around my family...they have no idea whats going on because everytime i do it at night 30 mins later i take sleeping pills everyday so it just looks like im a night owl and go straight to sleep before work the next day...
I feel like I no longer do it for the high but litterally do it to hurt myself...i don't like the pain i feel when im on it...but when im not on it i want to be on it...its like im chasing a come down instead of the rush like i use to chase...
Can someone with previous experience tell me why i am doing something so stupid ...hurting myself ...wasting money.....and chasing the pain i feel from the dryness and ripping of my nose and throat ?

 

[dragonix]

Chasing a rush to our own ruin. wish I could tell ya how to cut it out