Cocaine/Crack: Serious Discussion Only

[ashleyb]

I'm in a shitty place right now...just got out of rehab (for crack and heroin) and smoked crack the night I got out. I'm really depressed, lonely and alone...and it sucks. The awareness I have of what I'm doing to myself is killing me but it's still not enough to make me stop. I was clean for a few years before but I don't feel that same desperation and hopefulness I felt then. I just feel empty.

 

[5000m]

^ Do you have any close family or friends you can spend time with instead of getting high?

 

[ashleyb]

Not really...I tried getting my sister to come down but she won't. My friends all live kind of far away and most of them don't want to be associated with somebody who is doing this stuff because they think other people will think they're doing it too. Most people don't understand so that makes it even harder. I did meet a lot of good people in rehab and we text a lot so I guess I could drive a few hours and see them. Better than what I'm doing now.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Sorry to hear that man.
It really is a messed up game. You really need to think about the after effects before you give in to temptation.
Sure, it may be easy to say.. I know how fucked up it is to want and needto stop, but struggle to make any significant progress.
Just keep reminding yourself how much better you will feel if you keep away from that junk.
Face facts, it will never leave you feeling satisfied in any way shape or form.

 

[badfish45]

Great points trip

Ashleyb just remember WHY you went to rehab in the first ace. That romanticism you have of crack in your head is short lived and it's a false reality; you will only he drawn in more and more. Stay strong and remember that you can always step back up

 

[Frosta]

I noticed a lot of junkies that can't find down will resort to crack. Does it actually help with the pains of withdrawal?

 

[Zenappi]

Hi, I figured after reading through your posts I'd share my experiences with cocaine. Hopefully, it will bring help to someone just as some of your posts have helped me (and BL in general).

I'm in my mid 20's, financially stable. In school you could say I was "understimulated". I'd always beat the tests quick and with high grades. I graduated from "high school" with financial security (parents, have good relation with them, can't tell them about drugs though because they're very conservative) so I studied for a while then dropped out. Mostly because I had this mindset of "I'll do this later because I'm too lazy to do this now". At this point I haven't touched C, and 2 years ago was my first try. I've been on and off from time to time, using maybe 1-3g for a week, then not use for 1-2 months then use again. I'm not going to kid myself by saying I'm not addicted, because frankly I'm quite sure I'm addicted. However I wonder if there are any other people that use C sometimes out of "boredom" or "nothing better to do at the time"?

I never had any issues with withdrawl, but again I find myself coming back... Eventually because well I miss it, I don't have a job, and I don't start uni til' December. I don't need a job because I have financial security, but I feel like I'm just wasting time... I feel like i need some sort of guidance but not from a doctor or psycologist, but from another person that can try and see things from my perspective. I need help looking at this from a different angle. If it helps I'm a casual weed user and take mdma on rare occasions.

Peace, Love and Understanding to you all reading this, you sincerely have my warmest thoughts.

 

[FrostyMcFailure]

cocaine < crack
Crack < IV cocaine

IME *friends say* crack gave a hard hitting head rush but was a horrible drug after several days using on end. crack paranoia i dare say can be worse than meth shadows for some people. Its not too uncommon for big time users to barricade a doors, see things out of the corner of the eye thats not there or even sleep with a shank & go into psychosis or states of delirium during prolonged use. IV cociane really takes that "ring" to the next level but leaves one so up there relaxed they really dont worry about much anything but the next shot. its bad to wake up with sixty+ black & blues going up both arms flowing veins as swim would tell you

 

[johnfurther]

Hi I am new to bluelight. I have been doing coke mainly crack for about 20 years. I have had years of not doing it but more of doing it for the last 20 years. Money does not seem to be an issue I know how to generate it. When I have money it is blown on blow and I am concerned about my health. I am in Canada and my city is full of it. My question to you members is do any of you have some advise to give me on how to stop. I don't want to go to treatment or anything like that. I could use some advise. Thanks.

 

[phactor]

My question to you members is do any of you have some advise to give me on how to stop. I don't want to go to treatment or anything like that. I could use some advise. Thanks.

Problem is a treatment facility will be much better at offering the advice you seek. Also, wouldn't treatment be covered by your health care system? I have always been envious of the thought of just being able to go into treatment and aftercare services without blowing a ton of money.

Try an NA or CA meeting perhaps?

 

[mainstreet]

Few days ago i shoot up cocaine....felt the rush coming goy the taste and then my throat felt numb....and thought ooh shit i did to much then it came full force i thought i was done for.....couldn't move for a few minutes forced myself to stand. Uncontrollably shaking all lose of depth perception could barley walk, legs like noodles. Finally wore off Like 45min later. Was i ODing? If so how close to death??

 

[xPsychoticPenguinx]

Hey there bluelight. I'm not really new, just now using the site to it's full potential. Anyways.. I've been smoking crack for 11 years now. It didn't start as an all the time thing. Hell, I didn't even get cravings really. But then again, I'd also never had enough at one time to do more than make my ears ring slightly, and want more.. but there wasn't more, so I managed it fine. Fast forward a few years, and a friend of mine comes over with 2 fucking balls of the shit. Needless to say, I got higher than I'd ever been before in my life. After that.. it kinda snowballed really badly. I was living in a part of my city where drug use and sales are done out in the open. And it was just SO god damn easy to find it. Originally it started off because I would be drunk and be like yeah, I'm gonna go get me a dime and be alright. And that fucking 10, no matter how good, is NEVER enough. It got to the point where I was stealing from my boyfriend multiple times a week.. Anywhere between 20 and 200 at a go. And if he didn't have money, I'd do shit to get it for "free". It ruined a good part of my life. I still fuck with powder sometimes, I can handle the jones and the come down from coke.. but crack stole my fucking life. And I'm pretty sure the MDMA I got last night (done few and far between) was cut with a massive amount of meth, so now I'm sitting here jonesing worse than I have in a LONG time. I haven't had a MASSIVE relapse in a while. Over a year now that I think about it.. but it doesn't change having the cravings.

 

[Rams96]

First post so forgive me if I don't use Anny abbreviations or that type of shit. 3 questions : #1 is coke an aphrodisiac because it makes me horny as fuck and just want to fuck (done it a few times) #2 I know putting it on the tip of your dick makes it numb (assuming around it and not inside of it) anybody with experience care to share? My only fear is that most likely the cocaine is cut so wouldn't that affect your dick? I know my dealer only cuts it with benzocaine (shit the dentists use for numbness) thirdly I've cheated on my girl a few times. Only when I'm on coke I felt like shit about it, but idk why something about cocaine just gets me horny. I don't find sex to be that big of a deal but I've stopped doing that a while ago. Anybody else have been in a similar situation and care to share?

 

[RDP89]

First post so forgive me if I don't use Anny abbreviations or that type of shit. 3 questions : #1 is coke an aphrodisiac because it makes me horny as fuck and just want to fuck (done it a few times) #2 I know putting it on the tip of your dick makes it numb (assuming around it and not inside of it) anybody with experience care to share? My only fear is that most likely the cocaine is cut so wouldn't that affect your dick? I know my dealer only cuts it with benzocaine (shit the dentists use for numbness) thirdly I've cheated on my girl a few times. Only when I'm on coke I felt like shit about it, but idk why something about cocaine just gets me horny. I don't find sex to be that big of a deal but I've stopped doing that a while ago. Anybody else have been in a similar situation and care to share?

Even if your dealer is being truthful and only cuts it with benzocaine, a huge percentage of coke is cut with levamisole high up in the supply chain and has been for I beleive about the last ten years or so. Levamisole is most commonly used as a livestock dewormer and can lead to low white blood cell count, making one more vulnerable to infection. Nasty shit it is. But I just wanted to point out that if you think your cocaine is just coke and benzocaine(not saying that you do,it sounds like you realize their are other cuts before it gets to your dealer),the chances are very, very high that you are wrong. It sucks that that is the state of affairs, but that's what prohibition causes.

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

i can't even read this thread... its too triggering... now I really want crack

but seriously my stomach is in a knot right now, I ve been good though, haven't smoked crack in about a month. I would offer my tip on how to get the biggest blast of a hit but its just too uncomfortable for me to write and think about... there it goes again, my stomach is fucked...

 

[Rams96]

During my summer break from University I used to do coke almost every day and just fucked bitches but I've cut down since last year and have been clean for almost 6 months. Wasn't that hard to quit Tbh. Honestly money and my eduction got me staying in the right track. Also my nose started hurting. As soon as something such as cocaine or cigarettes affect me in a immediate physical way it motivated me to stop or more realistically cut down then stop(not cigs tho I need that shit lol) honestly just think about your future, if u can make more money by pursuing something you'll have more than enough to get as much as u want later on (idk if that sounds fucked up but it got me to stop in the meantime. You can cut down bro!! Also I feel like this website allows me to connect with others and talk to people who actually understand me, way better than a psychologist and free lol

 

[Rams96]

Sadly what you're saying is true and there is a high probability that coke is mixed with other shit because of the gay ass prohibition in order for pharmaceutical companies and the government to benefit off which pisses me off but this isn't a political debate so I'll shut up about that. You are 100% right though and it does truly suck. I am from Canada thought so I'm hoping and assuming coke is less cut up here than it is in the states

 

[Joshzimmer]

I feel like that right now..shot after shot until stash is gone now I feel like I would rather die..

FUCK IV COKE

what am i doing to my fucking self i am a failure and pathetic embarrassment to my friends/family girlfriend. im 20 and i finally start to get in control on bupe maintenece (besides my benzo addiction i get off the street) and now im banging powder spending every fucking penny i have wanting to just die at the end of the night. I didn't give a shit about coke until i stuck that sucker in my vein and then i felt absolute bliss. i feel like a scumbag taking some of my girls lines while she sits there and watches it me turn myself into a pin cushion in one night.

the shitty thing is a couple who are really great friends of mine are slanging so i get the friendly fronts, but if they knew i was slamming it all theyd cut me off. probably obvious when im running to the bathroom every ten minutes when theyre around. is there any rush of any other drugs direct in the bloodstream as cocaine? opiates dont compare IV imho and i need to take control and not shove anything else in my veins that is as moreish duality heaven/hell as injecting coke is..

i feel like im going to be six feet deep by the time im 25...im worthless

and im sorry..im just crashing hard just ate a good bit of benzos and did some bupe so hopefully this night of bliss thats been dragged to hell will be over soon. that bellringer and metallic taste is just out of this world...my que for getting my terrible mess of a life i have right now and take control... i just cant resist when its around

i went from a weight lifting staying fit addiction to being in complete utter poly-drug addiction in a 4 year span. used to be 200lbs solid now im 140 lbs pale as can be sunken face and mutilated arms. things sure do get out of control with addiction in no time

Hey man, don?t beat yourself up like that, you?re sick. Addiction is not a choice. By the sounds of it youre powerless over any mind altering substance, like I was. I work the program of cocaine anonymous and I?ve gone from not being able to get a single day without using around 3 ?40s a day and wanting to kill my self (had 2 attempts at it) to going 3 months clean with no emotional problems and life is great. The truth is addiction is an illness and you are very sick. There is a solution however. That is the fellowship of cocaine anonymous, if you work the program properly you?ll never have to use a drink or drug again and live a content and happy life, drug free! I would suggest getting to a meeting and getting a sponsor. Trust me there?s nothing more satisfying than going into a room and everyone thinks exactly like you. The thing is if you?re an addict you?ll have a physical allergy that once you put a drug in you it triggers a craving beyond your mental control and getting that next hit paramount to anything else. But you?ll also have a mental obsession that takes over your mind and you can?t bring into your mind with significant force the pain and suffering you went through the last time you used, you will only be able to think about that effect of the first hit. You?re not at fault here, nobody starts using drugs with the goal of becoming an addict, it?s a process that is out of your control. However if you work the program properly you?ll live a life more content than most non drug users. Hope this helps mate. Stay strong and remember you?re sick but there is a solution out there

 

[NickyBoy613]

So iv been smoking crack for about 8 years . was rare in the first few years. Then every time i drank now its damn near ever day it has taken my life over.its insane...if i hear the word crack or stuff or hard i instantly need to take a shit lol does anybody else need to drop a deuce when the anxiety or jonse kicks in? Also iv developed what i believe to be a hole in my brain from almost 15 years of heavy drug use. And specifically crack triggers it i get this weird fuzzy feeling in the same spot inside my head and i develop a twitch. I have a hard time breathing and i cant seem to get my. Words out my neck and mouth flex but nothing comes out... Has anyone else dealt with this? Im starting to get very concerned about it but the drugs win the fight. Instead of going to a doctor every time.. Does any one else have significant side effects/ permanent damage from their drug abuse? I wanna compare notes lol

 

[freesolo123]

^^ I used to use a lot of Cocaine (powder) and what you are talking about the need to go to the toilet happened every times I used it, the connection was that strong that sometimes having a bag in my hand could trigger it. Crack does not have this effect on me for some reason.