pnkparis
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2010
- Messages
- 38
Hello Everyone 
I have been reading a lot of the threads on here and most of them (not all) seem to be about opiate addictions. I thought i'd share my past battle with Cocaine in case there was anyone out there struggling to get clean...
To make a long story short, I found out I was pregnant (pretty far along but still soon enough to abort) and ended up having an abortion. This was at age 20.
Soon after (although I thought I was dealing with it OK) I started doing blow. It started off as a weekend thing and slowly grew into this uncontrollable beast! Before i knew it, I was snorting lines all day everyday. doing key bumps in the car, lines in my parents bathroom, at work, didnt matter where I was. I started stealing money and ran my bank account dry. Sleep? Never Slept. Food? Never ate. I am 5'1" and I only weighed about 90lbs, not a good look.
I continued on this path until new years of 2007. I was celebrating with some "friends" at my dealers house. Did some lines went out to the bar. Drank a bit, finished the bag. Popped 2 E pills, crushed up the 3rd and dissolved it in a glass of water. Was I done? Unfortunately not. Snorted god knows how many Vicodin after that. I stood up, felt like something was wrong, ran into my friends shower, and the next thing I knew i was lying on the couch and everyone around me was crying. I had a seizure. I OD'd. I Almost DIED.
Hard to believe but it was the truth. My parents sent me to a rehab where I didnt really do shit. I know there are tons of people out there who have successfully kicked there habits through the 12 steps but that just isnt me. I knew if I wanted to stop I could but i wasnt ready.
I bailed out of that rehab and stayed with my boyfriend. Continuing to use. Thought by now I would have learned my lesson but like they say, cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boyfriend, who only smokes weed, looked me in the eyes one day and said .. "I can not be with you if you continue to do this to yourself. I don't know what I would do if this disease killed you and I did nothing to help" He said kick it or get out of my life. And you know what....?
I DID. I have been clean since (three years) and have not relapsed once. Cold turkey. Just like that.
There are people around me that still do it. There is not a day that goes by where I dont think about it. I am an addict and I always will be. but I have learned to control at least one of my demons. My boyfriend and I are still together, 4 years strong.
I owe my recovery to his love and his devotion to me. Ill admit in the beginning I got clean to keep him and that was the only reason. But now not only do I stay clean for him, but for myself.
For those of you struggling with a cocaine addition do not give up hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you believe it. There are people who care about you and wont judge you. Dont be afraid to reach out for help or accept the help that may be right in front of you.
Your greenlight friend,
Pnkparis
I have been reading a lot of the threads on here and most of them (not all) seem to be about opiate addictions. I thought i'd share my past battle with Cocaine in case there was anyone out there struggling to get clean...
To make a long story short, I found out I was pregnant (pretty far along but still soon enough to abort) and ended up having an abortion. This was at age 20.
Soon after (although I thought I was dealing with it OK) I started doing blow. It started off as a weekend thing and slowly grew into this uncontrollable beast! Before i knew it, I was snorting lines all day everyday. doing key bumps in the car, lines in my parents bathroom, at work, didnt matter where I was. I started stealing money and ran my bank account dry. Sleep? Never Slept. Food? Never ate. I am 5'1" and I only weighed about 90lbs, not a good look.
I continued on this path until new years of 2007. I was celebrating with some "friends" at my dealers house. Did some lines went out to the bar. Drank a bit, finished the bag. Popped 2 E pills, crushed up the 3rd and dissolved it in a glass of water. Was I done? Unfortunately not. Snorted god knows how many Vicodin after that. I stood up, felt like something was wrong, ran into my friends shower, and the next thing I knew i was lying on the couch and everyone around me was crying. I had a seizure. I OD'd. I Almost DIED.
Hard to believe but it was the truth. My parents sent me to a rehab where I didnt really do shit. I know there are tons of people out there who have successfully kicked there habits through the 12 steps but that just isnt me. I knew if I wanted to stop I could but i wasnt ready.
I bailed out of that rehab and stayed with my boyfriend. Continuing to use. Thought by now I would have learned my lesson but like they say, cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boyfriend, who only smokes weed, looked me in the eyes one day and said .. "I can not be with you if you continue to do this to yourself. I don't know what I would do if this disease killed you and I did nothing to help" He said kick it or get out of my life. And you know what....?
I DID. I have been clean since (three years) and have not relapsed once. Cold turkey. Just like that.
There are people around me that still do it. There is not a day that goes by where I dont think about it. I am an addict and I always will be. but I have learned to control at least one of my demons. My boyfriend and I are still together, 4 years strong.
I owe my recovery to his love and his devotion to me. Ill admit in the beginning I got clean to keep him and that was the only reason. But now not only do I stay clean for him, but for myself.
For those of you struggling with a cocaine addition do not give up hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you believe it. There are people who care about you and wont judge you. Dont be afraid to reach out for help or accept the help that may be right in front of you.
Your greenlight friend,
Pnkparis
. (you know the ol well i used to do this much sothis is what I'll do) - very stupid of me and a lot of people around me got hurt by it.