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Cleantime/Sobriety Countdown

I am doing better . . . was smoking crack almost every week or every other week the past two eyars . . . have resolved to cut back in the New Year (2010) . . . went 4 weeks and 3 weeks between partying the last two times and feel a lot better. Now want to set a goal of smoking no more than once a month.
 
So, how long has it been?
Clean from all drugs? Some drugs? Alcohol? Gambling? Hookers? Cigarettes? It doesn't really matter. If it was a motherfucker to put something in particular down it deserves some recognition.

Me?

7 months and 25 days from drugs and alcohol
A little over 8 months off paxil

I still have the nicotine monkey on my back and I will drink caffeine until the day I die
 
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About 30 seconds.

Though I still smoke, I wonder how using the patch daily for life would work as therapy. Sure it's addictive, but stopping abruptly won't kill me like stopping any other of my meds. Nicotine has a lot of psychologically beneficial effects for the severely mentally ill.
 
uhm 6 weeks clean in my eyes. I did some diladud like a couple days back. I was not impressed. Its funny how the clean time really makes me enjoy opiates less. I shot like 6mg dilly 4x over 2 days and then was sick for one and puked.

NOT WORTH IT! I actually don't want to do any opiates now, which is something I never thought I would feel. I had a healthy relapse. Yay :)
 
OverDone said:
So, how long has it been?
Clean from all drugs? Some drugs? Alcohol? Gambling? Hookers? Cigarettes? It doesn't really matter. If it was a motherfucker to put something in particular down it deserves some recognition.

Me?

7 months and 25 days from drugs and alcohol
A little over 8 months off paxil

I still have the nicotine monkey on my back and I will drink caffeine until the day I die
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So, no antidepressants? I don't know if I could go without them, how's it working for you?
 
Few days clean from weed, so hard to say no when people ask me... but I'm starting to realize how bad of an attitude I have on it, NO MATTER WHAT BATCH, so now the healing begins I guess :D
Quit smoking about 8 months ago, still have drags when I drink though. I'm drinking now though, so not helping :(
 
Jekyll and Hyde said:
So, no antidepressants? I don't know if I could go without them, how's it working for you?
Click to expand...

In NSFW for size and to not detract from folks accomplishments:

NSFW:
I first went to rehab December 9, 1993 and spent 2 weeks inpatient. I then went to IOP (Intensive OutPatient).

During one of our group therapy sessions I mentioned that I felt suicidal. I don't know if they were just thoughts prompted from a bad day or serious suicidal consideration.

The therapists sent me to a hospital in Philly where I spoke with a psychiatrist for 45 minutes and he prescribed me Paxil.

The shit made me feel real good but unbalanced. I didn't feel certain emotions (sadness and fear primarily). I continued to take it for 16 years with failed attempts at stopping which always were painful and sometimes lead to relapses on coke.

I fuckin' hated being on that shit. Weight gain, ejaculatory delay, decreased sex drive and lack of emotion really fucked with me.

I went to rehab on August 21, 2009 and I knew I had emotional/psychological issues but whenever I had an appointment to speak with someone I was medicated and everything was 'just fine'. I knew that since I was going to rehab I would need to address my issues and being medicated wouldn't help me open-up if I felt ambivalence or false happiness.

Shit, I figured that if I faced negative affects from not being on the Paxil that I would be in a medical care facility and they would be able to handle it. Sooooo.... I took myself off the stuff two weeks before being admitted.

The staff at the facility strongly encouraged me to go back on my meds. Fuck that! I needed to address some shit and that wouldn't happen if I was medicated.

During my stay at this last rehab the therapists concluded that they were unsure if my drug use caused my depression or if my depression catalyzed my drug use. They suggested many other diagnosis as well. It was like they shook a magic 8 ball each day that had a bunch of maladies and suggested that I may be afflicted with whatever showed up. True scientists, those ones!

Anyway, they had me come up with a game plan if I started to feel depression/suicidal thoughts again. They gave me material on warning signs and such as well.

Since my discharge I haven't felt depressed. Yeah, I've had days where I was down and depressed but they passed. Everyone feels like shit inside at some point. As long as it didn't last long I was okay.
 
had 12 days off benzos yesterday (cold turkey), then ended up binging on some bars. i'm paying for it today...
 
i was going thru this thread and i forgot that i even wrote in this thread it really made me cry i was so happy when i was sober and now im bout to loose evreything all over again first my girl yesterday and im sure family and evreything else is next if i dont stop im such a looser i cant stop doin dope
 
totach said:
i was going thru this thread and i forgot that i even wrote in this thread it really made me cry i was so happy when i was sober and now im bout to loose evreything all over again first my girl yesterday and im sure family and evreything else is next if i dont stop im such a looser i cant stop doin dope
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Its not about being a loser or winner man... its fuckin' HARD to quit, especially when there's a physical addiction involved. Sometimes the shit just grabs us and we listen to our own fucked up thinking. I've been coming dangerously close to rationalizing getting high again myself. Its those thoughts that fuck with us and we try hard to beat them down and sometimes we fail. Failing doesn't mean we don't want to get clean. It doesn't mean we are weak. It doesn't really mean anything at all but it sure does hurt like a motherfucker.

The more we beat ourselves up the harder it is to get clean again (for me at least, for others its different)

Do what you can to quit. Maybe rehab? You don't need money or insurance to get into a rehab.

You can get that happiness back. I won't lie, it involves a lot of work, some pain and a lot of change but there is a payoff and after some time it doesn't even really seem like work at all.

I know that you know all of this but sometimes, for me, it takes someone just like myself to remind myself once again.
 
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Been clean since the second week of February. I do still drink alcohol but it's definitely not a problem: drinking too much always reminds me of how much it sucks to do so :)
 
No cigarettes since friday

Still drinking a bit, bought a gram of herb and have been smoking that. But once that is out I am off of that stuff as well.
 
bin clean since my last post on 4/20 i really hope i stay clean that would be a great anniversary date : )
 
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