Recovery clean from h and ice since 11/08/17 anxiety and energy

[geraggh34]

hey guys, so since november i have been clean from iv ice and h since i was sent into the hospital for heart endocarditis and had a heart valve replaced and 5 other surgeries (except low dose opiates until i went home in january and kicked). Anyways i can't believe i've made it this far, even though its a damn struggle. I have thought about getting back on suboxone or picking up benzos so many times i won't even go into it. I started smoking pot again, which has always helped me cause it actually makes me think about things a lot more before i do them. Anyways i've gotten drunk a few times, and to be honest i've realized that a huge part of my addiction problems stem from social anxiety and just anxiety in general.

i take lexapro 20mg, i think, and seroquel in the pm. I'm also tired all the fucking time which is very irritating. I don't want to pick up benzos or start drinking more often, and i'm going to try to avoid alcohol but i need to get my anxiety in control. Most of all i need to get laid again and it's difficult for me to be around people again, so any suggestions would be great for anything involving just having more energy and controlling anxiety.

 

[Awkwardaction]

Hey im from canada visiting the florida temporarily. I am addicted to h and i need to find a clinic with methadone asap or something so i dont have to continue to withdrawl on vacation. Any suggestions, i hate this sickness.

 

[KraziKat]

Hey im from canada visiting the florida temporarily. I am addicted to h and i need to find a clinic with methadone asap or something so i dont have to continue to withdrawl on vacation. Any suggestions, i hate this sickness.

Without knowing the extent of your habit, and in the spirit of harm reduction, if you need relief ASAP my advice is to find a headshop that sells kratom and use that to keep WD at bay. It works. You'll overpay for it, but it will be well worth it. What part of Florida are you visiting? I would not advise hitting the streets for H, especially if you don't know the lay of the land.

Find and take kratom. It's legal, affordable and effective.

Another legal option, albeit less safe than kratom, is Immodium aka loperamide. But do some research on dosages beforehand. Good luck, and hang in there.

 

[KraziKat]

Hey im from canada visiting the florida temporarily. I am addicted to h and i need to find a clinic with methadone asap or something so i dont have to continue to withdrawl on vacation. Any suggestions, i hate this sickness.

And The Florida is very nice this time of year -- Soak up the sunshine as well!

 

[JerryBlast]

I do vouch for the Kratom. Be careful though about over-using it and make sure you steep the Kratom into a tea and do not drink the powder. You want Super Green Kratom Malay, I believe. That worked the best for me out of the variety I tried. Also, maybe you need some therapy? Think of some things that you can get involved in to change your current cycle/pattern in life. Your anxiety could be as simple as evaluating what is in the now and what is here instead of what could be or what isn't. This is something I am learning in counseling right now for addiction. I seriously urge you to look up Neurofeedback Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy! I was a Meth user for a few years and Heroin user for just over a year. Heroin was almost my ultimate downfall. If I would not have taken the steps to recover in January, who knows where id be.

 

[geraggh34]

I do vouch for the Kratom. Be careful though about over-using it and make sure you steep the Kratom into a tea and do not drink the powder. You want Super Green Kratom Malay, I believe. That worked the best for me out of the variety I tried. Also, maybe you need some therapy? Think of some things that you can get involved in to change your current cycle/pattern in life. Your anxiety could be as simple as evaluating what is in the now and what is here instead of what could be or what isn't. This is something I am learning in counseling right now for addiction. I seriously urge you to look up Neurofeedback Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy! I was a Meth user for a few years and Heroin user for just over a year. Heroin was almost my ultimate downfall. If I would not have taken the steps to recover in January, who knows where id be.

I am actually pretty interested in trying kratom, my only issue with is how much the cost would be on a regular basis. Tbh in my mind if I?m going to use an opioid again it might as well be bupe unless I?m going to be spending less than 100 a week like I would on Bupe. If anyone wants to chime in about kratom go right ahead

I?m going to look into therapy, but right now I?m workin at wallies world and I don?t make hardly shit lol. I?m give meditation another go tonight and see how it goes

 

[geraggh34]

alright fellas i got wasted tonight. why is it that i have to be under the influence of something to talk to people . i finally got in touch with my ex and the girl i was hooking up with before i went into the hosptial tonight. i wouldn't have ever done it if i was sober ><. Sorry i hope i don't trigger anyone, i wish i could get this under control so i don't feel the need to use..

 

[tired of crap]

Hey g34,

Congrats on getting off the h and the meth. Were really your problem drugs? 5 months is massive, you should really be proud.
You said youve gotten drunk here or there, so I wouldnt take getting wasted last night as anything too extraordinary.
I do think its great that youre able to recognize triggers for your drinking. If thats any consolation

I can really relate to the relationship between anxiety and addiction.
Though not necessarily the reason I started drinking, it seems that now that Ive stopped my anxiety is back in full force.
Its usually manageable but when something stressful happens and Im not prepared Im more apt to delve back into another stint of drinking.

What do I mean by prepared?
Well I feel like Im far enough way from my addiction now that not using isnt really the issue anymore, its the anxiety. And I feel for me that if my body and my mind are relaxed Im far less anxious throughout the day and when stressful events crop up Im far better equipped to handle them (instead of freaking out and in the worst instances drinking). Now we all have our own ways but for me there are a core set of activities that help - yoga, meditation, exercise, a healthy diet and outdoor time. Not having to stress financially is also huge but being comfortable in your job is also something you have to consider. But honestly that gets a little boring for me (if I am to be honest), so I find having a hobby really helps. Do you have any sort of extracurriculars you enjoy, or used to enjoy?

Now dont get me wrong, by no means am I doing all of these things right now.. shit Im barely doing one ha .. I just came off a decent stint of drinking over the holidays and Im just getting my sea legs back haha However, these things have really helped me in the past and I find I sort of rotate between the various activities based upon what I feel I need. Im sure therapy would be helpful too, if at the least as a means to vent but Im reluctant (for whatever the reason) so I find journalling here or irl to be quite helpful. As is social interaction (if I can stomach it). You had mentioned therapy, are you lucky enough to be FT at Wally World to get benefits to cover therapy?

Anyways, seems like youre doing pretty well so far.
Keep it up. And Keep us posted, if you feel so inclined.

Cheers
toc

 

[geraggh34]

Thanks for the replies guys. I fucked up today, but i'm not going to dwell and beat myself over it. I went and saw a buddy of mine i haven't seen since before i was in the hospital and he offered a line of speed, and i couldn't turn it down but i also did a lot less then what he broke out. I know that my heart can't take much now, so i'm just going to try to stay away for good. He also gave me a little bit of bupe. I've been thinking about getting back on bupe and i talked to my mom today and i think she finally is understanding about me going back on maintenence. I can also get therapy at one of the clinics here, so i think it will be good for me.

I know most of what i'm about to say is probably cause i did a little ice today, but i feel damn good. I got back in touch with a lot of people who i'm close to and were very concerned about me, and i've avoided talking to these people because my anxiety has been out of control. I just need to do what i can to control my anxiety and work on my self esteem issues that i feel like are a huge part of my drug addiction. I pull pretty good looking females but no matter what anyone tells me I look at myself and wonder what people see in me. I'm going to get my bottom teeth fixed maybe a snap on plate, i'll feel much better once i get that taken care of it has taken a huge toll on me. I got my top teeth all removed at 23 and got an upper plate. Sometimes i just look at myself and think man i really fucked myself up on the inside and out