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Clean and sober...

A

alias.

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2007
Messages
109
Sitting here clean and sober. I did it! Hooray!

The thing is, I fucking hate it. Why? I am truly a broken individual, and I do not ever feel good naturally. A life without drugs is not worth it to me, and yet I live on anyway because I don't really wanna die or kill myself, and also killing yourself is more difficult then you would think. Even if I did want to die the thought of the tainted memory of myself from suicide really would bother me.

I suspect I'm not alone here.
 
alias. said:
Sitting here clean and sober. I did it! Hooray!

The thing is, I fucking hate it. Why? I am truly a broken individual, and I do not ever feel good naturally. A life without drugs is not worth it to me, and yet I live on anyway because I don't really wanna die or kill myself, and also killing yourself is more difficult then you would think. Even if I did want to die the thought of the tainted memory of myself from suicide really would bother me.

I suspect I'm not alone here.
Click to expand...

Search for a reason to live love and thrive until you find it.

I suspect you don't value yourself. Embark on a labor of love, until you see your worth in someone else's eyes when they look at you.

It will be worth it.

You ARE someone special.
 
Yea, I understand how you feel. I can only stand and love myself when I'm intoxicated, but I hate myself worse when I sober up.
 
That's the thing. The guilt and shame caused by using only can lead to more self hatred, if not more confusion at least. Periods of abstinence or maintenance are really good to get a clearer picture of what you really feel about what is going on. Always highly recommended!
 
It takes time to feel good sober. The body has to recover from drug use, as does the mind. Along with recovery it is imperative that you find passions and purpose to fill your time with. How long have you been sober?
 
I felt plenty lost after kicking. Bored mostly. Very bored. You really have to find something of great significance to do. For me it was going back to college but it's different for everyone. Since going back to school it helps me look forward to things and keeps me WAY busy. Good luck!
 
I also find smoking pot helps too. Relieves depression and makes you think of the postives. Sweet sweet ganja.
 
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