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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Citalopram - should I come off or not

Eveleivibe

Eveleivibe

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Hiya,

I'm asking for advice. I got back on citalopram in June; firstly 20mg n after my OD attempt (which I'm starting to regret didn't work) was put up to 40mg.

Now I know it stops the anxiety, other depressive thoughts it hasn't stopped emptiness, anger, feelings of exclusion n has made me so tired I'm sleeping most of the day n so impulsive. On here I've had two permabans, tried benzos which I'm not sure I'd have tried off citalopram.

When off i had started exercising, swimming, getting on with people here.

But it's like the citalopram makes me numb. I didnt even cry at my Taid's funeral - is that normal????

But when I'm doing well. I mean when im fit, exercising etc i self-sabatage it because the daily guilt is overwhelming that i don't deserve this n when im happy I'm so petrifoed of it I destroy it because i know it wont last.

Citaloram isnt working but I'm so absolutely terrified of when the fog lift of my actions whilst on it that the anxiety will overwhelm me n I'm
Not sure what I'm to do.

Kinda scared. I know i was stupid going on it but i could not face the anxiety, fear n depression without it. Feel kinda trapped

Evey
 
Hey Evey,

Obviously people here are probably not going to tell you if you should or shouldn't come off your meds. That is for you to decide when the right time is :)

However, I can offer my input. An ex-girlfriend of mine was on citalopram for a while, and it made her numb as you described. She was on a lower dose than you too! She also informed me how it really messed with her libido, and she would go through periods of not wanting sex that much, to being absolutely manic (not as fun as it sounds - trust me!). I personally am not a fan or SSRI's and I feel they are poison for the mind. However, I'm quite cynical on this matter, and would never tell you to come off your meds if you weren't ready.

Much love <3
 
anti depressants are very delicate, no one will tell you or make you take them, use your best judgement. talk to your GP about concerns, are you getting councilling? as for your funeral question yes it is normal to be numb when grieving. I watched my brother die I didn't cry at the time or his funeral, I didn't cry for months when I cracked up. PLEASE take care. try not to bottle up your emotions if possible they need to be dealt with in the right way xx
 
Everythings gone wrong it was never meant to be like this. I feel trapped in myself n i hate it. I need to escape. I hate this fkn shit how can i expect anyone else to love me when i despise myself n am trying to escape. I hate this fkn shit so
Much someone pls make it all go away :(

Evey
 
my personal experience with citalopram was when I was 13. I walked out my house after an argument and layed face down in the snow till luckily someone noticed me. Been on 5 different types ever since. :( YOU ARE WORTH IT, citalopram will impair your judgement but you MUST STAY STRONG!
 
You need to talk to someone, we are here to listen Evey. please talk to your doctor or a friend or us here at bluelight. I want to help you even if you just let your feelings out
 
I only took 1 n half 30mg) i have to get off this but im scared of the anxiety, fearly scared. Im trapped by this n subs n cant get off them no
Matter what i try. I messes with my head. Imenslaved to these b***** drugs :(

Thanks for comments <3

Evey
 
if you want to come off it do it slowly. don't suddenly stop, try to get through the days on 30mg, when your ready take 30mg one day then 20mg the next. then take 30mg the third and 20mg the forth, if thats too fast do it in slower stages until your ready to stop. do it at YOUR pace and make sure u do it over a few weeks or even months. Evey,theres clearly a major problem going on you can message me if you want to talk. im all ears and been through a rough life myself, I know how hard it can be
 
Try rephrasing the question by substituting other forms of medical intervention:

"Wheelchair -- should I come off or not?"
"Hearing aids -- should I come off or not?"
"Crutches -- should I come off or not?"
"Guide dog -- should I come off or not?"

Why should it be any different, then, when the medical intervention in question happens to be a simple chemical one?

The fact is, Evey, whether you like it or not, you have been prescribed a drug because there is something wrong with you. You have a chemical imbalance in your body. Actually, right now, you have two chemical imbalances in your body. You are addicted, in a controlled fashion, to buprenorphine. And even if that were fixed, you would still be suffering with whatever chemical imbalance got you started on the codeine in the first place.

There are no short-cuts to this. You have to take your subs absolutely regularly, within 5 minutes of the same time each day, for 14 days, in order to reach a stable level of buprenorphine in your system. Miss a dose, or take extra, and tomorrow will be day one again. That is the harsh reality of subs. Nobody said it was going to be easy, and you should not have listened to them if they did.

After 2 weeks' absolute consistency and regularity in taking your subs (actually, you might have to give it a little longer, in order to exclude the influence of other, regularly-recurring events -- at least, I presume they are regular; if not, you should definitely be seeing a doctor, and tell her everything -- it's more important that you get that seen to first, judgement can wait), then you can be sure that your dosage is stable, and nothing that is happening to you from then on can possibly have anything to do with erratic subs dosing. If you still aren't right, then make an appointment to see your G.P. And note that it may well take another 2 or 3 weeks for an altered dose of anti-depressants to kick in properly. The more you tell them, the better the chance that they will be able to do something to help you. Just remember that you are by far and away not the biggest freak they have ever seen.

Of course, it goes without saying that throughout this entire process, you will need to maintain 100% regularity and accuracy with your subs dosing; barring any medical advice to the contrary, of course. They've been to University to study Medicine; I haven't. It should become much easier for you to stick to your routine once you have established it, though.
 
Instead of just meekly saying "Thank you" every time I or anyone else repeats the same obviety, the best form of thanks you could give would be to put it into actual practice. You've still got more than long enough before the clocks go forward, to get stable on the subs. Just pick a dosing time that you can stick to absolutely rigidly, same time every day. Then just jump to dosing at that time; and call that the beginning of your "stabilisation fortnight".

I really, really wish it didn't have to be this hard for you, but those are the Laws of Nature. Now, the "Just Say No" brigade will turn around and say "Tough -- that's just the way it goes, when you get yourself that deep into the s#!t". They're bloody lucky to be able to live in such blissful ignorance. Do not listen to them. They don't know the first thing about how bad you have it, and it's none of their business.

Treat the whole thing as a video game, if it helps ..... The first two weeks are just a screen you have to clear to get to the really interesting levels, and anyone who is just watching and not actually playing is bound to think it's easier than it really is, just because you make it look so effortless.

Getting off the opies is more or less a given. As for getting off the antidepressants, that would only happen if whatever it was that originally turned you on to codeine (all opioids are by definition crude antidepressants) in the first place has gone away.
 
Julie that was very well worded, you are absolutely right, anyone with any addiction has another underlying issue that must be addressed. I have been to my first addiction services meeting and I know in my heart it's not enough, I need heavy councilling to deal with my problems. Take any help you are offered, it's hard to talk about your problems it takes REAL courage. Take care
 
Evey, it sounds like you will benefit from coming off citalopram when you're ready. I am not an expert on citalopram, but a friend of mine came off it without much comment recently, he too said it made him numb emotionally. I will ask him about it again next time. I hadn't seen him for nearly a year until recently, told me he wasn't on citalopram anymore, that it separated him from himself or something. I am not sure about the detail of it all, but as someone who was quite a believer in taking it for a few years, I think that when life revealed itself to him in important ways he found he was not so receptive to adapting himself to its scenery. So he stopped. Perhaps, for him, citalopram was a bit like 'the emperor's new clothes', he enjoyed it for a time at least. I don't think he's been in the best of health so I am pleased for him that he stopped taking citalopram without much of a problem, well, more as a solution really. He gave up on alcoholism too several years ago so I know he can be be determined at times.

I do not know how beneficial citalopram really is, it's probably quite good for many, perhaps as a life-saver or life-changer, but if you enjoy swimming then this should help you more in the long-term with your health, happiness and general well-being. Even in the short-term probably. You want to evolve to become stronger, healthier and wiser without needing a chemical crutch to support you. Many of us have experienced depression and anxiety in our lives but this does not mean we should always turn to anti-depressants, tranquilisers or other drugs for the answer. Sometimes maybe. But psychoactive pharmaceutical drugs also serve as a form of labelling or identity badge for people and the side-effects often exacerbate their underlying problems which become more rooted psychologically and physiologically. Sad but true.

Buprenorphine as an opioid is a mild anti-depressant in its own way. I used to take this one, but I have since grown happier to be free from pharma drugs or heroin dependency. I think what you were saying about exercise is the key to getting oneself towards a much better state of being. I recommend you follow your own recommendations including group activities based around arts and other forms of exercise too. Long walks might be good. Obviously if drugs are the only answer then take drugs. I think the correct balance of both can be good, but you will follow your own path.
 
Thanks for responses. Very kind. I used to go for long walks. I'd walk 9+ miles along the canal. I miss those days so much. But I'm absolutely frightened of being happyor doing well because I don't feel I deserve it n / or that it'll go wrong so I self sabatage.

But the anxiety, anger n emptiness feelings overwhelmed me.

When i saw a psychric nurse of course I'd been on 40 mg of cit for a week n she thought I was fine n said she didn't need tosee me that was humiliating because it felt like she was saying I'm an attention seeker. I saw my doctor at the DSP n apparently that was cause they knew I had support from the DSP n it wasn't that they thought I was faking it.

I've gone a bit on 1 n half pill so thats 30mg but things are effecting me more like getting hurt n angry. I didn't mind numbing those emotions as I've spent my life with them over-idense. I've drive all my irl friends away because I either felt rejected by them or thought I wasn't good enough for them so rejected them first. But my inhibitions are being numbed n I'm now £8,000 in debt because there's no guilt. So on the one hand guilt was invading my life but on the other, without it, it's destroying me.

I will continue to ask God for guidance. He has helped me in the past I'm sure he will again n look what Jesus suffered for us n I'm whining over bloody emotions lol

Thanks love you guys <3 was going to leave today but I decided NO I won't be driven away lol. Thanks :)

Evey
 
For somebody that complains that the drug is making her make bad decisions surely you can see that stopping without doctors advice is yet another bad mistake?

God will guide you to the nearest doctors (google street maps is quicker).
 
As I posted earlier you have to choose what you think is best. Doctors can only do so much and you don't want to get to the point where you come under the mental health act, because then you will have no say in what you take and going into a psychiatric ward is very difficult to get out if you don't have realitives to get you out.extreme depression can lead to psychosis
 
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