Chippin' life

[ducednig]

Hey so i got this little experience i want to tell you guys to get some feed back and your thoughts.
I am currently one of world's many drug chippers out there that chip around every drug with opiates being doc.
I feel as if the more i chip, the more my possibilities start to shut down.

When I was heavily into mdma in my high school years, it was great and everyone knows about the ecstasy glory days, ya know what im saying
but that ended quick after my first year of college, when mdma just started taking too much out of me.
halfway along my mdma journey i discovered benzos (xanax) in particular, i think most people who fuck with mdma at some point get introduced to benzos for its crack out cure.

next thing i knew, i was doing bars every weeked in my senior year in high school and freshman in college.
than when i was 19, i was introduced to meth(never liked this "shit", so i stayed away most of the time) and heroin, (and all the other drugs ive tried but never had a steady habit [k, ghb, various rcs, coke, crack, and etc])

I dont know if its just me, but most of the times i tried drugs was because i was already on xanax and had the willing mindset.
After 9 months of daily xanax use of barely up to 8 mgs a day, i quit cold turkey with the will of the will, and went thru 2 weeks of fuckedupinthehead kind of hell and fell into a huge depression and anxiety for a month after.
than i tried heroin and it took all the pain in the world away.
mind you, ive tried RX opiates numerous times, but heroin just blew me away.

7 months into daily smoking, i knew i have brought my self and my friends on a very dangerous path so ive quit cold turkey from that, and went thru another week of hell but in a league of its own. (yes just 1 week, and psychological wd for 2 weeks after).
and I moved outta state and got to a whole new area in the US.

now ever since being 20 and turning 21 few months ago, ive relapsed on heroin for 4 months at one point, and stop for a month, and went back for 3 months and stopped for a month and went back for 2 weeks and stopped for a month.
you get the idea.

and I swear im starting to lose my desire to be on heroin like how ive lost it for xanax and all the other drugs.
so everytime i get a bag or two for a 3 day binge, at day 2 im ready to go to wd and get sick of the doped up feeling.
right now im on my day 3 clean off of a week long binge and im here wondering if im ever really going to stay clean for good or if im gonna actually live life as a successful chipper?
is that even possible?

i have no craving to get more heroin right now, and sometimes i get too lazy to drive to pick it up.
ive also seemed to figure out a way to chip consistently without having to go thru severe withdrawals, but It seems that the more i smoke tar here and there, the more withdrawals seem to show up frequently from a miniscule dose.

I want to completely forget about doing opiates, but at the same time I have this mindset that i can keep this all under control for at least a good while (<--- trouble).
I wondered if id ever be off bars completely but now i HATE em, i even have bars for h withdrawals and dont even take it knowing that id get severe sleep paralysis and hang over the next day.

this seems like a random post, but i just wanted to share my story.

i think im more mentally addicted to cannabis than any other drug tho, the boredom gets unreal. LOL
i even have this syringe that this dealer gave me and i was thinking of trying IV with my last batch but i said FUCK DAT.
also i want to know if this is what most of you chippers have dealt with, or is similar?
I dont smoke cigarettes either.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

It sounds like you are addicted and have been to many of the substances you mentioned. If you will binge for a week or weeks at a time you have a good chance of falling into a serious addiction.

 

[sekio]

od _> TDS

 

[T. Calderone]

My opinion, just because you binged for months and were able to quit cold turkey does not make you a chipper. You started back up and quit again and this will keep happening if you don't completely abstain. For me, each time I "quit" the withdrawals got rougher. Many junkie has said I'm just chipping, but it will take you places you don't want to go. Don't kid yourself.

 

[legalizeall]

Heard of chipping but never heard of someone labeling themselves as a chipper. Is that like a soft term for someone who doesnt want to be called an addict or someone who doesnt want to think their addicted to something?

 

[Cliffy78]

Dude the older you get the rougher those wds are gonna get bro, might as well only go through it 1 time before it just becomes too hard man. I know u don't think it'll happen to u cause u got it under control, being the master chipper and all but dude, like u said about the needle, FUCK DAT!!! Just wrap it up while u can bro, fire up some trees and start your life in your new town man. I'm just on Oxys and I used to be able to go through wd like nothing, but everytime gets harder until one day u just say fuck it I can't go through it again so I'll just grab a little to get me through til I figure this out... We've all said what your saying right now, most of us are still using too. You got a chance to make a change for good and be successful and productive, why not take it? Unless u wanna be 35 still using, and posting here like me? Your future is your choice bro...

 

[CaveBear]

You got a chance to make a change for good and be successful and productive, why not take it? Unless u wanna be 35 still using, and posting here like me? Your future is your choice bro...

Thats good advice, im posting on an internet forum at midnight est, sober as fuk and cant sleep....just like last night. drugs can be fun, but after time, its like putting your hand on a hot stove for a second, then a second longer, and longer until you're a 43 y/o burnout like me.