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Childhood trauma and LSD use

Yep, it's not magic medicine.
If these worries are so fresh and causing you significant difficulties day to day at the moment, then I would suggest you're probably not in the right place to take acid right now, let alone with the intention of dwelling on the stuff that's bothering you, especially not having taken any similar substances before.
Work through things yourself, find someone to talk to as suggested above, and do some of the legwork first.

Some way down the line you may find yourself in a space where you feel clear enough to trip, but I would recommend having a few calm/fun/easy themed flights before sitting down with the plan of 'getting to the bottom of it once and for all'. You'll have a much better chance of getting somewhere, and a much lower risk of getting caught up in a load of negative blah that does your head in.
 
Please don't disregard the warnings given in this thread to go ahead with it anyway, being desperate really doesn't help. Also odds are very very likely that you will not be able to tell easily if any "acid" hits you get actually contain LSD or some other drug you probably never heard (such as 25I-NBOMe) of that are very cheap, 'popular' or at least abundant nowadays, let alone the actual dosage. You would need reagent tests and to verify dosage a proper lab analysis or if not very careful titration from a much lower dose than the suggested 150 ug. That dose is serious even for people without severe issues, go much lower even if the first time you risk an underwhelming experience.
Being underwhelmed may not be super comfortable or interesting but that is still unbelievably favorable to getting in over your head.
Unknown other drugs and unknown dosages only add to the risk you would already be taking.

You don't seem to know what you are getting yourself into and you need to protect yourself and do a LOT more homework before making any real plans whatsoever. And any of the information you gather needs to be evaluated honestly, don't cherrypick the promises and ignore the dangers. If you don't think things could get any worse, think again.

I am not denying that LSD can have benefits, but like I said: there are conditions for that. Start addressing all of them if you want to proceed responsibly.
 
I'm sorry you're having to go through this and had to go through what you did... that's messed up. :\

Have you had any therapy for this? If not I would strongly recommend that before you think about using psychedelics. If you have, then never mind. :)
 
I can only provide my own experience.

LSD provides a lot of novelty to re-examine problems from a different angle, but honestly I have not found it to be a useful emotional tool. It is good for deconstructing the mind and working through psychological obstacles, but I never found it to be useful for the emotions. The only way I've been able to do emotional work on it is if the environment is finely tweeked to only provide 'good' stimuli, which reassures the emotions, and then helps to form new mental patterns about emotional experiences. But when dealing with past trauma, nothing may be able to console you in that state. The higher the dose of LSD, the less the mind can help you sort through emotional disturbances, and you need a guide.

MDMA, on the other hand, was more useful to me for PTSD. I've used it to examine trauma and re-frame it with love. Sometimes LSD is too 'out there' to be constructive.
 
Solipsis said:
Also odds are very very likely that you will not be able to tell easily if any "acid" hits you get actually contain LSD or some other drug you probably never heard (such as 25I-NBOMe) of that are very cheap, 'popular' or at least abundant nowadays, let alone the actual dosage.
Click to expand...
Can you address this statement from Mathew more specifically, "I've done a DMAB test and it's most likely the actual chemical, I can't do much more to ensure that what I have is actually LSD."?

Also, throwing more personal experience in the fire. My level of insecurity raised a great deal after using drugs like LSD. It felt like I had lost any sense of control or the mental stamina to deal with any issues.

They were strange days and the exact source of these feelings will never by fully known to me, but LSD remains high on the list of known suspects.
 
It'll be interesting. Maybe not safe or wise, and might end with you on a 72hour observation, or just with some more complex ptsd like BS to deal with. Most folks don't have a psycadellic therapist in their yellow pages, and even if they do it's unlikely they can afford them, getting the garden variety court mandated/ insurance approved ones are hard enough.
I was a suicidal fucked up kid who ate a lot of acid and DXM, 15years later I'm a kinda fucked up adult who eats a moderate amount of RC psychs and dissos. I hold down a job and a girlfriend, don't longingly walk past the gun shops anymore...but I'm way behind the hopes and dreams of my family. I'm not sure if the acid helped or hurt overall.
It is best to start a little bit lower, with privacy unless you got a friend you don't mind dumping on.
 
thx Xorkoth :)

I have never seen a therapist no, and since I live with my parents...

It's expensive, it may make my parents suspicious if I have problems and things bothering me, they will want to get involved which I don't want.

As I stated earlier, it's been at least 2 years since I was last hit by my father and 8 years since my mother, the physical mishaps have settled, and I guess my father and my mother can't really hit me anymore because I am physically quite fit. Not that that is necessarily supposed to be a stopper, but I think you get the point.
I am not saying that any drug is supposed to magically cure me, if at all, and of course I've done a lot of the hard legwork already. It's been years of thinking with ongoing anxiety and insecurity, it's not like I suddenly decide to resolve my own personal issues using drugs.

Ive was aware of my issues as a younger kiddo, but I would almost always resolve/satisfy my primary needs/issues with asking for reassurance and having intimate friendships.

As I've already stated I would repeatedly ask(are we friends now?, trying to satisfy them with laughter or goods so they wouldn't leave me, so I wouldnt be alone)

I don't even know if this is the cause of my trust issues, and everything else I've mentioned many times already.

I have done a lot of reading, how can I prove that? Solipsis, I am doing harm reduction so I am already not being foolhardy.
I want settle my issues and end this ones and for all, seriously I'm sick of these problems I am having.

My biggest issue, so I can pinpoint it to everyone is relationships, trust, anxiety, insecurity and fear.
What I didn't get from my parents I for some reason seek in people I get to know in school, at the gym etc.

The best way I can explain it is this constant need for safety or something..Idont know.

I am very sure that no thinking can bring back the safety I should have gotten from my guardians.
 
"...relationships, trust, anxiety, insecurity and fear."

Are you paranoid?
 
I may have to agree with some of the others in this thread, perhaps what might help you most is not LSD, but MDMA. MDMA allows people to approach their issues with a new empathetic perspective, and works wonderfully specifically with the issues you listed; relationships, trust, anxiety, insecurity and fear. It will definitely provide a more predictable result than LSD will, especially if you were planning on tripping on your own.
 
pmoseman: I dont know OK?
thanks esinfinite, Ill take a closer look at mdma see where it leads, Ill read up on some first time guides.
 
Mathew12 said:
thx Xorkoth :)

My biggest issue, so I can pinpoint it to everyone is relationships, trust, anxiety, insecurity and fear.
What I didn't get from my parents I for some reason seek in people I get to know in school, at the gym etc.

The best way I can explain it is this constant need for safety or something..Idont know.
Click to expand...
I have avoidant personality disorder myself but it manifests in being mostly a loner with one or two good freinds or a girlfriend at any given period in my life who leave me when something more promising comes a long. I avoid my (rather awesome really) family like the plauge. Like to be helpful don't like to be needed, HATE needing anybody. I like strangers for about 5min, then I want to be left to myself. Sounds kinda like bizzaro world version of your issues.


Thinking can't bring it back, but it can help you find something new, and develop mastery over the old emotions and fears. 18 eh? you have a job or a way of getting to a school outta town, military? Might be a better or good supplemental step to take, esp a place with community mental health clinics. Think you might actually like traditional therapy if you can keep your folks in the dark,..
 
I've done lsd hundreds of times, 2c-b, and I thought 2c-b felt exactly like acid except the visuals were slightly different (2c-b was like looking through a fish eye lens, lsd is more breathing textures). Honestly if someone gave me 2c-b and said it was lsd I wouldn't know any different. I can say this with certainty because I test everything with reagents.

Psychs can be interesting that they can reveal flaws and insecurities about yourself that you don't even think about normally.

You can buy reagents on Ebay for super cheap, like 100ml of ehrlich for $6 (ie enough to test probably all the lsd in the country). Those dancesafe and bunkpolice kits are fucking rip-offs, nevermind the fact you only need a dash of reagent to test something and they give you plenty of reagent but force you to use some disposable test tube or some shit.

To test acid (or anything with anything) you just need the tiniest sliver. Like 1/10th of a blotter is way more than enough to test, just cut off the tiniest piece you can to test. Reagents react really obviously.
 
Also, take into consideration the reasons why you don't want your parents to get involved. I know, some of them are obvious but you have mentioned that it has been some time since they have been physical with you. Maybe it's time to discuss with them the impact they have had. I'm sure that through it all they care for you a great deal and would want to help you.
 
LSD might be a good choice for self therapy. It has worked for me.
MDMA would be more reliable and would be more effective with less sessions, but with MDx, having a trusted friend there to chat with makes all the difference and person who can sufficiently emphasize to your particular circumstances may be hard to come by.

The organization called Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS), have just released the findings from the first bit of research regarding the therapeutic use of LSD for 40 years.

MAPS article - maps_completes_first_new_therapeutic_lsd_study_in_40_years/

Psychedelic Frontier article - maps-completes-first-new-therapeutic-lsd-study-in-40-years/

I personally have gotten past many different layers of social anxiety with psychedelic use, and I have found that
if the right sort of intentions and outlook are put into accessing the psychedelic experience, in time, you will learn astounding things about yourself, what is within yourself, and your 'external' environment.

Integration of these connections into day to day life increased my quality of life dramatically, and I hope that they may help yours also.

Don't expect it to happen in just a few trips, psychedelics are strange in the way that they work, and it might take a few tries to get to where you want to go.
 
Ill take a look at those links.
Regarding bringing the problem up, I think both they and I find it uncomfortable and weird to talk about. My mother tends to get really irritated when I start speaking to her about it, she gets all "come on are you going to bring that up". Since she then start getting frustrated and irritated I just leave it.

I am not depressed nor sad at this point in my life, I have already said what bothers me above. Its like I have this underlying need to be protected from something.
A lot of you are recommending MDMA over LSD, since that is the case will MDMA allow me to analyze my anxiety and issues without getting too taken away by the rolling, the drug itself?
 
Yes, MDMA is pretty ideal for analyzing and coming to positive conclusions about your emotions. The effects of MDMA ARE to open up your emotions and make you feel positive about them even when analyzing unpleasant emotional states. So I'd say that you won't be taken away too much by the drug itself, unless you took too much.
 
I'll do as much research as I can and eventually - if I feel ready - Ill do a roll and please wish me luck.
Again thanks everyone for the help :)
 
Xorkoth said:
Yes, MDMA is pretty ideal for analyzing and coming to positive conclusions about your emotions. The effects of MDMA ARE to open up your emotions and make you feel positive about them even when analyzing unpleasant emotional states. So I'd say that you won't be taken away too much by the drug itself, unless you took too much.
Click to expand...

Agreed, MDMA is a much better and safer choice.

LSD might be an option in the future, but take it step by step and see if you are able to do some therapeutic work yourself on the MDMA (expect to become gregarious so having someone would really be ideal), see if you can take something away from it you can apply to your life. And one day LSD could be of additional help, but like I emphasized earlier it needs more preparation, guidance and framing.

I wish you good luck <3 You are always welcome to come back to talk about it, if you get it really bad the TDS forum (The Dark Side) might be of additional support. Maybe write about it, for yourself and maybe also a report. Writing can clarify and help. But it can certainly be too personal to share with just anyone. It's up to you man!
 
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