Okay, so I'm clean from insane amounts of heroin, crack, benzos. I do miss not having to deal with life, buttt:
- Music sounds and feels SO FUCKING GOOD not on opiates?! Blasting it and feeling the vibrations is actually orgasmic, haha. I didn't appreciate how god damn good it was before!
- Driving is fucking so fun!
I am immensely loving driving at the moment. I want a motorbike so badly, I don't give a shit, I need one so I can feel the engine revving mmmm.
- I can feel emotions again?! (Fucking scary/horrible/shit at times, but the rest of the time- fucking so happy to have serotonin, adrenaline, dopamine pumping through me again :D - little things, make me SUPER fucking happy at the moment, is that normal? haha ) I need to get used to feeling things again, I know I'm all over the place at the moment and seem proper manic.
- Regained my love of weed, hash, vaping, socialising, animals, playing instruments, making websites, gaming, learning shit. Good times and I don't feel guilty/ shit doing these activities. (Or have w/ds from them, whattt?! haha)
- Nice people DO exist?! (I've just been hanging out with people not really with it/ well, I guess?). I've met such lovely, kind and supportive people since I started speaking again. I'm so glad I got over my people phobia, nice + funny people keep brightening up my days.
I cannot wait for December to be over, for spring and summer to come. Hurry up please!! I miss being able to go outside, going to awesome places, taking photographs, travelling. I reckon I'd be okay/ better in a warmer climate. Time to get my shit together, get this damn vaping website going, make and save some ££ so I can get the hell out of this country.
--
I need to go to hospital today, just for an ECG. I'm trying really hard not to be scared, just go and get it done. Then, another day, go see the neurologist, get the scan done. I need to find out why I have no memory/ have seizures. Hopefully, it's just from benzos and not my brain or heart. I've been on 2mgs a day since '14 though, so .. wtf? Ah. I know there's no point getting worked up or depressed about it, it's been going on for ages, I've just been too ashamed to admit it.
I'm just going to take some music, something to read and my vaporiser. It'll be okay, right? I won't have to go through anything too horrible. One thing at a time. Argh. Fucking hospitals.
- Music sounds and feels SO FUCKING GOOD not on opiates?! Blasting it and feeling the vibrations is actually orgasmic, haha. I didn't appreciate how god damn good it was before!
- Driving is fucking so fun!
I am immensely loving driving at the moment. I want a motorbike so badly, I don't give a shit, I need one so I can feel the engine revving mmmm. - I can feel emotions again?! (Fucking scary/horrible/shit at times, but the rest of the time- fucking so happy to have serotonin, adrenaline, dopamine pumping through me again :D - little things, make me SUPER fucking happy at the moment, is that normal? haha ) I need to get used to feeling things again, I know I'm all over the place at the moment and seem proper manic.
- Regained my love of weed, hash, vaping, socialising, animals, playing instruments, making websites, gaming, learning shit. Good times and I don't feel guilty/ shit doing these activities.
(Or have w/ds from them, whattt?! haha) - Nice people DO exist?! (I've just been hanging out with people not really with it/ well, I guess?). I've met such lovely, kind and supportive people since I started speaking again. I'm so glad I got over my people phobia, nice + funny people keep brightening up my days.
I cannot wait for December to be over, for spring and summer to come. Hurry up please!! I miss being able to go outside, going to awesome places, taking photographs, travelling. I reckon I'd be okay/ better in a warmer climate. Time to get my shit together, get this damn vaping website going, make and save some ££ so I can get the hell out of this country.
--
I need to go to hospital today, just for an ECG. I'm trying really hard not to be scared, just go and get it done. Then, another day, go see the neurologist, get the scan done. I need to find out why I have no memory/ have seizures. Hopefully, it's just from benzos and not my brain or heart. I've been on 2mgs a day since '14 though, so .. wtf? Ah. I know there's no point getting worked up or depressed about it, it's been going on for ages, I've just been too ashamed to admit it.
I'm just going to take some music, something to read and my vaporiser. It'll be okay, right? I won't have to go through anything too horrible. One thing at a time. Argh. Fucking hospitals.