Caught in thoughts

Where'd this shit come from? Suddenly I have all these suspicions of others.

Its following the standard pattern. The seed of doubt has been planted and I am snowballing it into some (un)real ridiculous shit.

It started off small with one instance. Now today and especially tonight I have somewhat convinced myself that:

1) The chick I'm exclusively sleeping with has found a piece on the side.
(its weird... I really DON'T think this but I still suspect it)

2) I think the two folks that I have become close with and have been hanging out with are steppin' away
(enough time hasn't passed to validate this)

There are a coupla other things that pop in my head but I try to simply blow them off.

Maybe its just because I am not thinking clearly since I'm getting over that nasty head cold.

Maybe I'm just tired.

I wonder if those other things that have popped in my head are simply seeds for future paranoia?

I dunno. I'm just going to go to bed and see what tomorrow brings.

 

And what is it that caused you to think these thoughts? I would think something had to trigger them.

 

That should be a simple answer but for some reason I can't immediately come up with one.

Its a very valid question so I'm going to have to think on it

 

Just ask her face to face. You must be good at reading people's faces I do hope you are wrong cause I would hate to see someone hurt you like that.

 

Yeah, I'm going to see her tonight for a session. I'll ask her afterwards.

The thought entered my mind after we had a texting fight before I got clean. We were both EXTREMELY horny and a sudden opportunity for us to meet up became available. I had already started drinking and once I start, I don't go anywhere or do anything. I use until it is all gone.

We didn't talk for about 5 days and when I reached out to her (after I had just become newly clean again) she was no longer horny (we still met up though). She had also mentioned that she hadn't expected to hear from me again.

Her and I have history. I have blogged extensively about her before and refer to her as 'M'. It is primarily a physical relationship and we both understand that it is most likely a temporary one.

As for the two dudes I hang out with, Raul and Khalif, I KNOW that it is all in my mind that they are stepping off. I think I just miss the concept of hanging with a crew and when my expectations aren't met I get weird in the head.

Will definitely think on this some more, though

 

How long ago was the texting fight? Not something too long ago I'm guessing? It seems to me you have decent reason to think that way about her. Then again though like you mentioned it is only a physical relationship so...

 

The fight was a little over a month ago. It sucks, even though it is a physical relationship we have an understanding that we only sleep with each other.

I dunno... we had fun the other night and I'm not going to stress over it. I WOULD like to know if our agreement has changed, though because since I got clean again, females have been approaching me. I'm not used to that and it feels kinda good. I'm practicing discipline and looking at the big picture in these cases, though