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Can't sustain erection when putting condom on

Mandark

Mandark

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 5, 2006
Messages
239
Location
Poland
Can't sustain erection when putting condom on (and girl blaming herself)

I met this great girl, and everything would be wonderful if it wasn't for the fact that any time we're having sex and I'm tryging to take the condom and put it on I lose my erection. Even if I put it on, I'm already too limp to put my penis inside her. It happend the first time we had sex (it wasn't my first time but first time something like this happened to me) and surprised me, but ever since I started to sort of expect it, going limp even on the mere thought of reaching for the condom.

What makes it stranger is that I'm very attracted to this girl. She makes me horny like nobody before, I have erection in all other sexual moments, I can come when stimulated with her hand or orally (and I had thought it was impossible for me!), I had almost come just rubbing it against her now and then (but tried going for the condom instead - you can imagine the result). Also, I care very much about her and I'm afraid of losing her over this bullshit. She's insecure and this whole ordeal makes her very frustrated and depressed (apparently, she blames herself, her looks). It's been several days of this (we live in different towns and so don't see each other that often, our relationship has lasted somewhat longer). Today she broke down and cried, now she took zolpidem and went to sleep. And I'm here, losing my mind over this (I'm pretty sure she won't give me yet another chance to keep it up, and I'd probably blow it anyway), feeling like shit. Right now I couldn't even get erection if my life depended on it.

What should I do? What could I possibly tell her? Do you have any similar experience/know similar stories that I could tell her about?

I'm sorry for this poor piece of writing, it reflects my state of mind. I don't even usually talk about my problems in this way.
 
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Captain.Heroin said:
Have you tried putting condoms on by yourself while keeping your erection? That would probably make it easier for when it comes time to have sex.
Click to expand...

^Do this.^ Try masturbating with it on some people do that.

Also depending on how long and thick you are you may need a condom that has more room in it. One time I tried on one of those slim/snugger fit condoms on just to see what it was like and it's not good when you have to force a condom on and I went limp from it. I can fit into an average sized one as well but even that can be very tight at times. I haven't had sex in awhile so I don't use condoms.

You should be able to find condoms I described in Poland or you can buy them on the internet.

More importantly tell her you are having issues staying hard while using condoms and that it is not her fault at all. Find a condom brand that works for you. In the mean time just do those other sex acts you described that you both like, and don't overthink your issue with condoms.
 
I hate using a condom. I have only tried a few times, but I lost my erection immediately upon putting it on each time, like you.
I don't have an answer. Getting used to condoms may be the trick, as suggested above. Or putting it on early in sex, and then continuing with foreplay until you get hard again.
 
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Have her give you a bj while opening it and then have her sit on your face while putting it on. Hopefully I helped..
 
Stop jacking off for two weeks and it'll pass. I had this problem and in a similar situation with you, with a girl I had just got with. Also try lube on the inside of the condom at the tip, makes it feel a lot nicer !
 
She's not exactly helping though is she?

I'd be more concerned about her selfish & self centred reaction than your quite common physical reaction to condoms. With a confident and mature woman you'd be over this problem in no time, as it is she's gonna leave you with a life long aversion to an important and useful form of protection.
 
She seems very insecure, and so I take it that you're both very young. You should tell her the truth about this: it's not about her looks, since you get hard just touching her; it's a physical aversion to the sensation of putting on a condom, and I personally dislike the feel of them but you have to just get used to it and so, I suggest that you follow the advice of other users (particularly The Warden and slimvictor) and either put one on beforehand, or during foreplay; maybe have her do it with you.

Take things slowly, make sure to enjoy the moment and to share your feelings with her and keep her insecurities from ruining things... Young relationships often seem to lack trust and open discussion about these sorts of things, 'cause where do you find the words? It's all rather tough and you both want to make a good impression, you're both under stress to perform and that's not how sex should be — you want to savor the moment and enjoy every single, special sensation. Relax yourself and help her to relax, too, hopefully without using drugs, and then it'll come naturally to you.

Good luck. %)
 
badandwicked said:
I'd be more concerned about her selfish & self centred reaction than your quite common physical reaction to condoms.
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I wouldn't. How can she not take it personally? Actions speak louder than words.

And common isn't the same thing as normal. Obesity is common in America. It is not normal.
 
I would say -
First off - czesc brat - bardzo problemy, nie?!

Onto the problem - do you suffer from bad circulation in hands and feet (extremities)?

Have you ever considered that the act of putting on a condom is a buzzkill with someone you're not in love with, or a buzzkill in general?

Have you practiced putting on a condom with speed, making it as quuick as possible? I suggest ripping open the packet before sex, making it easy to slip the condom out (or tape it back together if you ain'tt gonna fuck ;) ), and keeping it next to the pillow for quick grab access - I used to do this when in my "bang sluts" phase.

Also, have you tried a bigger condom? Magnum or trojan are good - I never had a problem again apart from when I was drunk, once I started using these...EXCEPT when option a) came in(bad circulation!)

Do you drink or do drugs while fucking, like on this occasion?

Kam moye​
- thanks for that brainonporn link - I wil look at that tomorrow -

Leading me to EDIT: I add pornography desensitization and jacking off to visual aids can become habit forming and a major problem on the libido...especially if some of the other options are applicable!

OH and are you depressed dude? That's a big one. Pun not initially intended but fuck it there we go :D

Na razie...
 
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KamMoye said:
I wouldn't. How can she not take it personally? Actions speak louder than words.
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He comes when she gives him a hand job or a blow job, he gets hard and stays hard when rubbing against her, the only time he can't get hard is when he tries to put a condom on.

Those actions say clearly to me that he finds her very attractive but has a problem with condoms.

I can understand her being upset but this isn't about her, imo she should try and be a bit more mature and assist with the problem rather than exacerbating it. But if she's young I can't blame her for not having the confidence to be helpful. I bet you there are girls/women out there that could help him with this problem in no time, especially considering how attractive he finds her.

It's not like he's subconciously not attracted to her. Even if its an unwitting fear of penetration & pregnancy or something deep rooted like that, its possible for a girl to help him over come it.

Imo the only way a girl can't help him with this if its something mental stopping him that even he hasn't recognised or even admitted to himself yet, in which case a therapist could help.

How about if she was STD checked & clean and had a coil or some other very good guaranteed form of contraception OP, do you imagine you'd be able to stay hard through to climax then? hypothetically?

The Warden said:
Have her give you a bj while opening it and then have her sit on your face while putting it on. Hopefully I helped..
Click to expand...

something like this probably would work :) especially if she was being fun or extremely dirty with it, which ever suits OPs personality/the moment more :)
 
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