Can't sleep

My brain won't stop no matter what I do. I hate when this happens and am glad it doesn't happen *too* much anymore.

I just get so caught up in thoughts that I can't get to stop and then one thought becomes another and it all snowballs.

I keep trying to stay strong, but I'm so incredibly weak it disgusts me. I never thought it would get this bad. I feel somewhat at fault for isolating myself from the world, but that's also kind of what I wanted.

I just wish I had one close friend or family member who wouldn't let me down and wouldn't judge me. I have been far from perfect and have made mistakes, but I'm human and that's what humans do.

I just want to be able to be proud of being me and be able to show people the real me without being scared of what they'll think.

I want to go to sleep.

 

... clowns'll eat me!

I've been there, it's like you spend all day distracting yourself so that you don't think of these things, and then the one time when you let your guard down-- when you try to go to sleep-- the demons come out. People in general aren't ever as 'strong' as they seem, it's just a show. Be you, and revel in your weaknesses as well as your strengths. You're a wonderful, caring person, and should recognize yourself as such.

I've said this a few times in TDS, but it bears repeating: the whole world is trying to convince you that you're lacking, that you're not good, that you're not worthy, so the last person who should be telling you that you're 'weak' is yourself.

That said, I've been very isolated for large chunks of my life, and the loneliness can be crushing. BL's great, but it's no substitute for real life interaction.

<hug>

I hope that you feel better soon-- exercise really helps, both for improving mood and general well-being, but a vigorous workout later in the day (but not too late) can really work wonders to help you fall asleep.

 

I used to take melatonin to help me sleep, but its gotten to the point that my brain fights it and im left with even worse insomnia.

I know the feeling all to well, brain is jumping left and right in and out of topics scenarios, things you said, were said to you, what you could have should have said.

My mind is working full tilt 200% of the time, everything is analyzed and worked on, unfortunately there's not always a useful conclusion to it all. Sometimes its just endless worry that goes nowhere. I find I have to get away from people for a while and let my brain just work through whatever its busy with, but its always important to have contact with people.

You're not weak, you're human,and the fact that you have sleepless nights about it means you have a conscience. You could just be rolling over and forgetting about it, but you're not, that makes you special.

I hope you got some sleep, if nothing else I know exactly where you are right now!