Mental Health Can't hold frustrations in anymore.

[Barrenian]

My whole life I have been a timid, kind, easy going person. This has lead to me being the target of many bad people and always being the scape goat. I have had some pretty traumatic, emotionally draining things happen that I just held in, super tight. I always held it in, and was very good at it. However, when I turned 26, things just started to change. I can't hold in my frustration very well anymore. It is like I am psychologically unable to hold it in. When someone does something i perceive as offensive, my eyes glaze over and I twitch and am overcome with anger. If I encounter someone condescending, or someone who treats my concern as if it is less than shit, or anything generally offensive, I get VERY aggressive with the person i think is hurting me. It is becoming a problem. Sometimes at home my mind forcefully thinks up scenarios in which I am wronged, and I feel the pain as if it was actually happening...and I will just sit quietly, almost stunned. I just cannot hold in my anger, and it has lead, thankfully, to people treating me...with respect. It pisses me off though because why can't they just be nice in the first place? When I can't lash out I feel bloodlust...I want to physically harm the person I cannot sway with my anger. This is not who I am...I am a nice person! I have always been cool, calm, and collected and it is what I am known for. This new me is contrary to WHO I AM.

So far i have not had my ass beat...a few women who were bitches treated me like a saint AFTER I viciously lashed out at them for it. I can't control it anymore..i get so angry. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't handle bullshit anymore. Why the fuck are women responding in a positive way to this shit? It is like they become attracted to me. I don't do it on purpose. It is psychological..it is an ephemeral rage and it is bad bad bad. I feel almost euphoric after lashing out at an asshole and getting respect from that person after, and I feel powerful, and i think it is feeding the behaviour.

 

[pentouch]

Because women like when you spank them :D lol..but seroiusly they like to TEST a man,more than everything they hate wimps,but for the future,dont involve your self much with women that much like these types of games
Man,I think you know all the answers,ppl are just assholes,and dont hold it in,you feel some type of way,let people know they are assholes(I think you are a nice person and without reason you wouldnt do it),this way its natural,we communicate and learn in this big pile of humans ,called civilization,what is unnatural is being angry and bottle it up. You wither try to get a buddha blessing and keep calm,or try to make you outbursts maximum reasonable and give others a reality check as your self too. My self is struggling with same,IM pretty much an introvert,and people often tease me,and usually I just crawl up,but sometimes it goes out,and its so random,it makes no sense at the moment. Hey you got some positive results I think you managing your self pretty good,go further communicate and youll master this. 26 is a very good age to stop taking shit from people and stop giving shit about what they think
About the scenarios its because your brain just trying to figure this situation out,its very important for you,so its occupied even at home,I would suggest for you to train some martial arts ,it will teach you discipline and focus,also will help to deal with male assholes

 

[Runtoparadise]

^yes,it's about the age when men (I'm assuming you're a guy right?), begin to grow up.

Actually, at 26 you'd be on the younger side. It's factually documented men don't tend to grow up until around 28yrs old.

The aggression is obviously coming from some place. Are you into meth? What drugs do you take?

Saying you feel more powerful after an altercation, do you suffer one or more mood disorders?

Bipolar or other, I'd avoid the women you speak of as "responding to this shit." At the least you can acknowledge it's not healthy behaviour.

Rtp

 

[Barrenian]

^yes,it's about the age when men (I'm assuming you're a guy right?), begin to grow up.

Actually, at 26 you'd be on the younger side. It's factually documented men don't tend to grow up until around 28yrs old.

The aggression is obviously coming from some place. Are you into meth? What drugs do you take?

Saying you feel more powerful after an altercation, do you suffer one or more mood disorders?

Bipolar or other, I'd avoid the women you speak of as "responding to this shit." At the least you can acknowledge it's not healthy behaviour.

Rtp

Haven't dont drugs in a few years. I drink lots of coffee. It is the only high I have left lol. I have been in an out of psychiatrists offices since I was 15, though never for aggression and anger, but for anxiety and weakness. I have also fantasized about heroes my whole life. The kind of heroes who stand up to evil. I know evil means different things to different people but that is the best way I can put it. There is a saying that evil is always strong while goodness is apt to be weak. I hate that saying because it seems true. Maybe people just haven't ever seen what good looks like when it is strong?

It consumes my thoughts, standing up to bad people. I just can't stand the level of disgust I feel with myself for not standing up to fucked up people. It makes me feel far more pathetic than being laughed at for standing up for myself for trivial things. I just cannot do it anymore...i probably need to see a psychiatrist because these aren't shallow emotions I have, they go deep.

 

[pentouch]

say that this aint deep...
of course these go deep,you really think this is worth going to psychiatrist? You finally stood up for your self,of course in beginning it could manifest it self in bad way or exaggerated,but you are changing,this anger feels good for you,isnt it..its because you are sick and tired of being sick and tired! Although you seem to be used going for psychiatrists,in my experience they are good to talk sometimes,but really you make all the work,dont be panicky or fanatic about others,just do you! I know your problem believe me,I imagined my self when I was little as a super hero,and only in my imagination I beat up my enemies,now its time for real life experiences and its all that matters,because imagination can actually do harm,while you didnt experience the reality

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Yes please see a doctor. Therapy can also help, and I would argue it is indispensable.

Your anger sounds very taxing. It must be horrible to deal with. As I understand, you feel caught between thinking it's one of the only ways to deal with your problems, and wanting to deal with others by a more refined method. I would urge you to adopt the latter idea. There are good people in this world, but unfortunately sometimes it takes time and effort to meet them.

I think finding exactly where the anger comes from can help you deal with it. That may take some work.

Everyone wants to be treated as if they're a sentient human. I empathize with you, because I know what it's like to be misunderstood/mistreated, even by those very close to me. Yet I learned that, at least for myself, if I get angry at others, they are more likely to mistreat me in the future.

I think it's also important to stress that no one is perfect. Just because someone mistreats you, doesn't mean they are a bad person. By the same token, you aren't bad because you get angry.

Women who will only accept you if you're angry probably aren't the kind of people that you want to hang around. If nothing else, it would reinforce and provide incentive for your negative emotions.

There's nothing wrong with being sensitive. I'm quite a sensitive person. Those who are sensitive have so much potential to provoke positive change.

There's nothing weak about going to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists treat illness just the same as general practitioners. They simply specialize in mental illness.

Bruce Lee once said that a battle is best won without getting into a fight. I think this applies to physical as well as emotional squabbles.

There certainly is a time and place to get angry. If it gets too habitual, though, it can blind us.

 

[herbavore]

The societies we have created do not encourage real communication but this is most pronounced when it comes to anger. We just do not teach young children how to deal with that emotion in a healthy way. Anger is never a problem when it is the fleeting, transitory state of passionate motivation and courage-enhancing emotional response to being hurt (or seeing someone or something else hurt). It becomes a terrible trap however when it becomes a stopping place rather than a part of a positive process. People become habituated to this ego driven loop of feeling wronged then feeling righteous and self-justified anger which results in lashing out violently (verbally or physically). When the hurts of childhood are never addressed and the inability to experience anger in a healthy way are combined it is like a neutron bomb going off.

I think that one of the best things you could do would be to read up on the subject of anger (there is a lot out there) and then talk to your psychiatrist about everything you have described here. Hopefully you have a good doctor who is going to go further than just offering you a different medication. people that have been hurt deeply as children often grow up with heavily defended hearts. The sad part is that everything that was done to one when one had no control (shaming, messages of worthlessness or weakness etc) one now internalizes and inflicts upon oneself. This is especially true of children that were abused but it can be true to a certain extent for all of us. Our minds tend to snag on the negative messages we get from the outside.

 

[Erikmen]

I find it great that you realized and became aware of your feelings which I must say it's sometimes the hardest part.
Some of the doctors we go put efforts in the therapy aiming that the awareness of our situation will serve its purpose which is to acknowledge the problem and from there change it to a more adequate behaviour response so that you feel better about yourself.

I know how difficult things tend to be when you have had problems during your childhood so the question you should ask yourself is what do I do to what they have done to me? You are an adult now and nothing can change what has been done to you, except you.
Part of the solution of any problem is finding out about it, accepting and move forward with a different behavior. In your case I believe you have already spot on the problem. With time, and perhaps with a good guidance you may reach whatever you wish.
If you are a good person and you were used to feel good about it. I believe you are half a way to find out you can turn around and be whoever you think you deserve to be. Maybe a good person who knows how to put limits when people abuse. You can have the power over your emotions and you can establish such limits without bringing anger to whatever situation you might be going through. And enjoy being together with those who like you and don't feel they can use your kindness in the manners you've described.