Horton-Scorton
Bluelighter
I spent years on amphetamine and meth, taking LSD and Molly, drinking whiskey, shooting opiates, popping benzos, etc. But I always felt nothing but self-doubt and anxious introversion with weed.
The other night weed showed me it was a friend. I smoked alone on a speed comedown...actually that state between being tweaked and unable to sleep and not feeling euphoric or interested anymore...the limbo....and benzos and opiates never worked like weed. I smoked for a good half hour. It wasn't even good weed but it was perfect for me.
Lots of ideas get planted in your head. At first you may be unaware of them, then understand them abstractly or intellectually. The simple phrase be here now i thought I got. But nowness was palpable and orderly and there and playful and deep and real right then. My emotions were dealt with healthy. I did not indulge in misery; nor did I hide away from feelings in a bunker of dopamine and false identities constructed over time with drugs and interaction with people. I was myself, as much as that is possible.
I have lost ego on k, LSD, shrooms, but cannabis is a reconciliation of that extremity with the steps and common human experiences of consensus reality. LSD is air, mushrooms water, ketamine fire, but weed is earth and lofty ideals are made to look as they are. But it is easier to forgive (and, of course, to forget).
On LSD I wander the sky but weed merges the skywalks with the regular grounded walks. It is easier to recall the lessons of extreme psychedelia and incorporate them in my life. It is a pragmatic drug in this way.
I listened to John Lennon and I felt like the out and in were in union and the tuning was accurate, and I got right into the musics heart. I hated no one. I forgave myself.
It was a bit choose your own adventure, in the sense I felt my vitality grow with my will, all while becoming less selfish, and the final secret of the day was there are no final secrets; next step until I emerge from darkness into light again and again.
Or is it an illusion still?
The other night weed showed me it was a friend. I smoked alone on a speed comedown...actually that state between being tweaked and unable to sleep and not feeling euphoric or interested anymore...the limbo....and benzos and opiates never worked like weed. I smoked for a good half hour. It wasn't even good weed but it was perfect for me.
Lots of ideas get planted in your head. At first you may be unaware of them, then understand them abstractly or intellectually. The simple phrase be here now i thought I got. But nowness was palpable and orderly and there and playful and deep and real right then. My emotions were dealt with healthy. I did not indulge in misery; nor did I hide away from feelings in a bunker of dopamine and false identities constructed over time with drugs and interaction with people. I was myself, as much as that is possible.
I have lost ego on k, LSD, shrooms, but cannabis is a reconciliation of that extremity with the steps and common human experiences of consensus reality. LSD is air, mushrooms water, ketamine fire, but weed is earth and lofty ideals are made to look as they are. But it is easier to forgive (and, of course, to forget).
On LSD I wander the sky but weed merges the skywalks with the regular grounded walks. It is easier to recall the lessons of extreme psychedelia and incorporate them in my life. It is a pragmatic drug in this way.
I listened to John Lennon and I felt like the out and in were in union and the tuning was accurate, and I got right into the musics heart. I hated no one. I forgave myself.
It was a bit choose your own adventure, in the sense I felt my vitality grow with my will, all while becoming less selfish, and the final secret of the day was there are no final secrets; next step until I emerge from darkness into light again and again.
Or is it an illusion still?
