Benzos Can I quit Ativan after a few days on a high dosage? Need Advice!

[Benzo13]

Hello everyone!

I've been struggling with benzo addiction for at least five years now, my benzo of choice is Ativan, I've read a lot of people saying Ativan does nothing for them, well, for me it does wonders. I'll try to briefly explain how this started. I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks ever since I turned 18, back then I used benzos on very rare occasions, it was two years later when I started having bladder and Pelvic Floor problems that I turned to Ativan, I remember one night being in so much pain and tired but I couldn't sleep, the pain wouldn't let me so I decided to try my mother's Ativan, I took just one and within 20 to 30 minutes I felt really good, I was so calm, relaxed and felt this amazing euphoria, I guess it also helped with the Pelvic Floor muscles too because the pain was gone, as soon as I went to bed I fell asleep and I remember waking up around 12 hours later, until then I had been sleeping 6 hours max with several trips to the toilet in the middle because of my bladder problems. There's no need to say Ativan became my everything, soon I was taking 10mg a day so I could be able to do everyday stuff with no pain, then I mixed other benzos but I had obviously developed a tolerance and I decided to stop all benzos at once, four days later I had a seizure and ended up in the ER, there they prescribed me Diazepam 5mg, one pill five times a day, I then slowly tappered the Diazepam and was benzo free for quite some time. The problem is tha I'm back on Ativan, I had this deal with myself, I would take Ativan during four days, then stop for another four days and repeat, I promised I wouldn't get addicted again and it was working out but I think I messed up. During those four days that I'm on Ativan I tend to go up to 10mg, this time I did more than four days, probably six or seven, I'm not sure, always taking 10mg, yesterday I decided to drop it down to 5 and today I took just two, tomorrow I plan on not taking any and then wait four days until I can take Ativan again (at a low dose, probably 2mg). My question is, am I addicted again? Is it safe to just stop now and wait a few days until I can take Ativan again? Any advice would be great!

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

I too know how benzos can sometimes be a magic bullet for people with assorted maladies. For me it was/is a sensitive vagal nerve in my GI tract. Benzos are the only thing that instantly cures the nausea and spasm of the sphincter of oddi that releases bile. But when I've tapered in the past I can tell when I'm approaching seizure territory. I have a host of symptoms that develop and signal that I need a taper that is not as steep.

The 10, 5 ,2mg taper you have started could stand to be a bit more shallow and drawn out but did you have any clues that a seizure was imminent the last time it happened ? I mean if you could maintain some level of comfort where you are getting some sleep every night and no twitching, muscle spasms or panic attacks, then you could customize a reasonable taper rate and avoid W/D complications. Ativan has a long duration of action (12-24 hrs) and should be suitable for 2x/ day dosing as you drop at a level that does not stress your system out.
But...
If you feel that setting up a reasonable taper rate is too daunting or your previous seizures came on with no warning signs, a W/D managed by an MD is a prudent decision as seizures are no joke. I don't have the magic number of how much to take for a perfect W/D as people differ but if you want to continue with the 4 on / 4 off plan I would proceed with caution as that kind of fluctuation can turn on you.

 

[Benzo13]

My seizure, the only one I ever had, came without a warning but the situation was very different back then, I had been on several benzos non stop for more than a year, my brain was completely fried, when I had the seizure I was just taking 4mg of Ativan daily, I know I said I was on 10mg but that's not true, I got confused, at the time the highest dose I would take was 5mg and I had been on Ativan for quite some time. Then I decided to quit cold turkey and didn't feel bad at all during the first four days of no benzos, on the fourth night I had the seizure, no other symptoms, nothing. In the ER they prescribed me 4mg of Diazepam daily, I took it for a few months and then tapered it off slowly, after that I was benzo free for probably two years until I decided I needed Ativan to treat my physical symptoms, I told myself that I could handle the Ativan in a reasonable manner and without getting addicted again. I must say that this system I adopted has worked, I've been doing it for a few months with no problems, I sometimes go more than four days without Ativan and I feel completely fine, I just lost control this last few days and went up to 10mg which is unusual Part of me feels like tapering off slowly will just drag this for so long, I feel like it's not necessary but at the same time I'm scared.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

A long, slow taper would be a good idea at least while you are figuring this out. I have to say the feeling fine and then seizing complicates things but you have done the taper before successfully so it's not insurmountable. Can you contact your shrink or doc and see if he /she thinks Diazepam would be better for the immediate future or another plan maybe ? At the very least a phone call could help plan your way out of this. In the meantime I'd slow up on the steep taper and make slow changes if any. I wish I could be of more help. There's no shame in reaching out to your Doc. for help.