Here's my experience with MDMA:
I was introduced in August '12. I had a pretty good time with it while clubbing on small doses, nothing amazing. For NYE I decided to go to a rave and took my biggest dose at that point, 1.5 and another 1 couple hrs later. After this I got very into the rave scene and rolled about once a month for the next six months. Some rolls were better than others but all were comfortably similar.
In June 2013 I attended my first three day festival. I decided to roll on Day 2 like normal, it was a good time. On day 3 I decided why not one more day. I took a small pill from my usual source and I had bought a pill from a new source that was a brownish orange crystal in a caupsule which looked like a tiny amount, much smaller than what I normally get when in powdered form.
I took both at once (I don't need to hear what a bad idea this was, I really never took drugs that seriously before this since I had done them so many times without any scares). Well probably less than 30 min in I remember the lights started to seem very psychedelic. Before I knew it I was feeling queasy and wanted to rest. I wanted to move my body but I couldn't. I must've passed out only for a bit, I remember I felt like my body was shutting down and I was about to die. I woke up some vitamin water in my face. It didn't take long to me to start feeling better but I definitely wasn't feeling myself. I would feel hot, cold, legs would shake. Honestly the next few hours are mostly a blur. I remember coming to during a good set and just started to feel more active. As I became more aware I became happier and happier. I remember thinking I feel so amazing, I hope this is what heaven feels like, and I'm experiencing something I never again will be able to experience in this life.
Unfortunately I think I was right
Six weeks after that scare I decided to roll at my next fest. Popped one pill, kinda felt it but slight headache which was not normal. Took the second one, it was fun for a bit but nothing crazy.
Late September 2013 I decide to take 1.5 of my reliable source like I used to and planned on redosing in a couple hrs like I always did on my best rolls. Well when the 1.5 hits I feel amazing. Like damn I missed this! But it quickly became too intense and I had to rest. Then about an hr of blurriness, then an hr of amazing dancing, then the rest of the night I felt kinda zapped. Not bad just kinda zen, not the active dancy guy I usually am. After those unsatisfied attempts I decided not to roll anymore. Tired of not having an amazing time.
April 2014 I wonder if my body is ready to try again. I start with one. Almost two hours later I barely feel anything so pop another. Very quickly I feel good. Noting amazing, just right. I get a light show, best one ever. Everything just feels right. Then it starts to feel too intense again and I needed a break. I never had to leave the stage before. I quickly calmed down but it was pretty intense. Overall I had a decent roll, but it was nothing like my trip through heaven in June (or even as good as my rolls before June)
May 2014 I decide to try again, I had a good time but maybe I just need one. This time I pop one for the same batch as last time. This time it hit me within 45 minutes. Maybe it's because I had weed in my system from the night before? Again, just too intense I needed a break. I never even felt the "just right" feeling. After I calmed down I was fine, I remember thinking, ugh this doesn't even feel that amazing anymore what's the point. After my roll I felt very calm. Then I'm not sure if it's because I smoked some weed, or someone slipped me some molly in my water, or if my body can no longer breakdown the MDMA but I felt like I was rolling again. Only this time I had nothing left to roll with so I felt so drained. I took the pill about 930P and this went on till about 6A. I was afraid to sleep because I thought my body would forget to breath but I was so tired. The next day was the first time I felt so terrible after a roll. I just felt extremely down. Not depressed but definitely couldn't get happy.
That is the last time I rolled. I recently watch my friend take the same pill I took the past two times and he had the time of my life. I am jealous and remember when that used to be me. I feel like I did abuse MDMA but not to the extent as some users. Am I just more prone to the negative effects? Or did that one time in June just fuck me up for good? I wonder if it's safe for me to try again. I feel like I've pushed my luck enough and I'm lucky enough to be here but why is it so tempting?! I feel like given enough time I will want to go back. Can my brain heal or is my body just rejecting it?
I guess I just feel like some people abuse it so much more than I do, why don't they get these scares like I do? Could I just be paranoid and the chemicals aren't "hitting" me right? Although if it was that I wonder why I kept rolling forever last time and had such a bad hangover. I feel like it has to be more than just my mindset.
I guess I'm just curious to see if anyone else has experienced something like this? A life altering near death moment of ecstasy that can never be repeated...
I was introduced in August '12. I had a pretty good time with it while clubbing on small doses, nothing amazing. For NYE I decided to go to a rave and took my biggest dose at that point, 1.5 and another 1 couple hrs later. After this I got very into the rave scene and rolled about once a month for the next six months. Some rolls were better than others but all were comfortably similar.
In June 2013 I attended my first three day festival. I decided to roll on Day 2 like normal, it was a good time. On day 3 I decided why not one more day. I took a small pill from my usual source and I had bought a pill from a new source that was a brownish orange crystal in a caupsule which looked like a tiny amount, much smaller than what I normally get when in powdered form.
I took both at once (I don't need to hear what a bad idea this was, I really never took drugs that seriously before this since I had done them so many times without any scares). Well probably less than 30 min in I remember the lights started to seem very psychedelic. Before I knew it I was feeling queasy and wanted to rest. I wanted to move my body but I couldn't. I must've passed out only for a bit, I remember I felt like my body was shutting down and I was about to die. I woke up some vitamin water in my face. It didn't take long to me to start feeling better but I definitely wasn't feeling myself. I would feel hot, cold, legs would shake. Honestly the next few hours are mostly a blur. I remember coming to during a good set and just started to feel more active. As I became more aware I became happier and happier. I remember thinking I feel so amazing, I hope this is what heaven feels like, and I'm experiencing something I never again will be able to experience in this life.
Unfortunately I think I was right
Six weeks after that scare I decided to roll at my next fest. Popped one pill, kinda felt it but slight headache which was not normal. Took the second one, it was fun for a bit but nothing crazy.
Late September 2013 I decide to take 1.5 of my reliable source like I used to and planned on redosing in a couple hrs like I always did on my best rolls. Well when the 1.5 hits I feel amazing. Like damn I missed this! But it quickly became too intense and I had to rest. Then about an hr of blurriness, then an hr of amazing dancing, then the rest of the night I felt kinda zapped. Not bad just kinda zen, not the active dancy guy I usually am. After those unsatisfied attempts I decided not to roll anymore. Tired of not having an amazing time.
April 2014 I wonder if my body is ready to try again. I start with one. Almost two hours later I barely feel anything so pop another. Very quickly I feel good. Noting amazing, just right. I get a light show, best one ever. Everything just feels right. Then it starts to feel too intense again and I needed a break. I never had to leave the stage before. I quickly calmed down but it was pretty intense. Overall I had a decent roll, but it was nothing like my trip through heaven in June (or even as good as my rolls before June)
May 2014 I decide to try again, I had a good time but maybe I just need one. This time I pop one for the same batch as last time. This time it hit me within 45 minutes. Maybe it's because I had weed in my system from the night before? Again, just too intense I needed a break. I never even felt the "just right" feeling. After I calmed down I was fine, I remember thinking, ugh this doesn't even feel that amazing anymore what's the point. After my roll I felt very calm. Then I'm not sure if it's because I smoked some weed, or someone slipped me some molly in my water, or if my body can no longer breakdown the MDMA but I felt like I was rolling again. Only this time I had nothing left to roll with so I felt so drained. I took the pill about 930P and this went on till about 6A. I was afraid to sleep because I thought my body would forget to breath but I was so tired. The next day was the first time I felt so terrible after a roll. I just felt extremely down. Not depressed but definitely couldn't get happy.
That is the last time I rolled. I recently watch my friend take the same pill I took the past two times and he had the time of my life. I am jealous and remember when that used to be me. I feel like I did abuse MDMA but not to the extent as some users. Am I just more prone to the negative effects? Or did that one time in June just fuck me up for good? I wonder if it's safe for me to try again. I feel like I've pushed my luck enough and I'm lucky enough to be here but why is it so tempting?! I feel like given enough time I will want to go back. Can my brain heal or is my body just rejecting it?
I guess I just feel like some people abuse it so much more than I do, why don't they get these scares like I do? Could I just be paranoid and the chemicals aren't "hitting" me right? Although if it was that I wonder why I kept rolling forever last time and had such a bad hangover. I feel like it has to be more than just my mindset.
I guess I'm just curious to see if anyone else has experienced something like this? A life altering near death moment of ecstasy that can never be repeated...
