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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

bye bye

When you have had this feeling before, what brings you back? I know you have said before that it is because of your Dad and Grandpa and i would imagine that this is true still. You have been in this valley before. Can you just know that it will end and that it is fluid? I don't know what it is like to have these waves of total sadness roll over you with such terrible frequency but I can feel how exhausting it must be. I'm truly sorry, mrflowers. I bet your Dad and Grandpa also wish they could do more.<3
 
Hey man, life is a fragile thing, and we are living in a seriously cool time right now. You can't want to throw away everything when it's beautiful.
 
Dude I know we all might be strangers on the internet but at least here us out. There is so much to live for, even if it doesn't seem like it. The problem is that your surrounding yourself with a reality that isn't healthy for you. I don't about your relationship to drugs, whether or not it's serious, family/friend/love relationships or what not, it all doesn't really matter, what does matter is that things are wrong and believe it or not they can be fixed. And even when they can't there are better options than giving up entirely. I mean shit dude, you're only held back in life by your own self-imposed restraints and the restraints that you believe society puts on you. If I got so sick of this world tomorrow I could sell all my shit, get some drugs and off myself, or sell all my shit, make some money, get some living gear and head out into the mountains or woods or something. I'm not advocating pulling a Chris McCandless but what I'm trying to say is that in any given situation there are viable solutions besides ending it all. And you have to believe other people when they say they know how you feel. We may not have lived through the same circumstances with the same people/events, but I've had my heart broken, I've been a drug-addled wreck, I've been evicted, mugged, beaten up every bad thing you could do to a person. For every day for nearly a year and half I thought about really graphic, detailed ways of killing myself and mustering up the courage to do it, but I found a way out. I know how you feel man, it sucks ass, but believe me there is a way. It's not easy but you can absolutely turn your life around and make something so awesome out of it. Just keep trying bud, I love you and believe in you.
 
Mr Flowers, I read your threads and sometimes don't know how to respond because it's like looking in the mirror. See, I'm depressed as hell too. I think of all the shitty things I've done and people I've hurt. Mostly my parents, who I can't apologize to because they died. I've felt like giving up so many times. It's been nearly a year since my mother passed, so it's just my step-dad, my son and I. Now we have to move because we can't afford living here anymore. My last boss kept telling me that I'm a mental case and promised me to help with getting me social security disability. That never happened and I had to apply on my own.

Productive days are diminishing. It's great to get up and make my son breakfast, make coffee for the old man. Can't muster the energy the clean up the house or even take a shower half the time. I just have no energy. Get screamed at for not doing anything. I quit the pain doctor almost 18 months ago so it can't be post acute withdrawals. I know we're all here for a reason, but I question mine? I got approved for a grant to finish my bachelor's but the attorney told me this would hurt my case, as will getting a job. So I'm stuck shut in the house all day.

I'm sorry to derail your thread. Just know you're in my thoughts and not alone. Depression and despair sometimes cannot be avoided. We gotta be hopeful that things will turn better sooner or later. Try to think of one good thing to look forward to. <3
 
Mrflowers00, I know we've never talked on a personal level, nor do I even know your current situation to be totally honest, but I hope you find the strength to make it through. We all find ourselves in these moments, phases. In the moment, calling it a "Phase" can sound offensive to us, like we're not being taken seriously, but we always look back later and realize that's all it was, a phase.

I've been through more suicidal thoughts than I can count. I've found myself standing at the train platform by my house many times with the intention of jumping in front of the next express train that came by. For hours I've wait there just thinking about ending my life. But I've realized this. No matter how certain it is I want to die, I can't do it. For this one simple reason. Death is inevitable. It is the only thing in this life which is for certain. We live our lives with so much uncertainty, so much confusion, just trying to hold on to the little bit of sanity and peace of mind we have left. These uncertainty's are what drives us, or at least me, to these suicidal and horrific thoughts. Death, the end to it all, is a guarantee. Perfections exist in this life, despite how rare they may be. Why cut the number of perfections we experience short by ending your life prematurely? We're all going to die regardless, existence in my beliefs is eternal and never ending. Might as well sit back, take in the good with the bad and just breathe one more day. You can never have those highs without the lows.
 
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