He almost didn't come last night, he said
As he stared straight up at the ceiling, not looking at me.
A note that had scribbled on it "Wake me" dangled from his fingertips
And suddenly the things i had wanted to tell him, fell silent.
I don't know why a cozy dinner and a casual conversation almost turned into goodbye,
But i know that when i left his house around 8, something was still hazy
Something was still, not right.
And now, at almost 3 a.m., there's suddenly this notion that this time, might have been that time
Where he finally decided not to come at all.
Suddenly all those things that seemed so demanding, now seemed so trivial,
And the only thought in my head was,
This might be it.
And its definitely not what i wanted.
They say you don't realize what you've got until its gone,
But sometimes, you realize it just at the moment
Before you lose it
And in that moment you have to decide how to hang onto it.
But now the tables have turned,
And he won't even look me in the eye as i tell him
I do still want to be with him.
Now they are just words in a script
And he can rationalize everything, as usual
And as usual, i block it out, because nothing can rationalize
Putting the person who means the world to you
Under a pile of routine chores and meaningless statistics...
nothing.
I refuse to believe that i've fallen so far from his heart
That those things -- can make him more happy that i ever could.
But all the things i want to say, i cant
Because now, all a sudden, they are carried away with the breeze from the fan
And i'm left to hear them myself
Left to wonder if he heard them at all,
Since he doesn't reply.
And at this point i cant tell if his eyes are open are closed
And i wonder if he could see the tears that wont stop falling from my eyes
How can you watch someone you care about falling apart in front of you like that?
It would break my heart
But he's so good at putting up that wall between us
And i dont have the strength anymore to knock it down.
In desperation my words come out as chokes and sobs
And i tell him that no one will ever love him as much as i do
And that all i really want out of this life,
Is to know what that feels like someday...
To know how it feels to be that important to somebody.
After that there's really nothing else to say
And my body falls shivering onto my side of the bed
That i've gotten so used to crying myself to sleep on
And his arm finds its way around me, the moment before i hear him softly snore,
But this time, that's just part of the script too i think
Because it doesn't feel like anything at all
And tomorrow i'll go back to playing the role of the girl who's happy with all this,
Who waits for those rare and few moments where i matter
And where i am worth spending time with
When everything else is finally accomplished.
I go back to pretending i'm fine with all this,
And knowing its not going to change
That we'll continue to drift apart
And become more like strangers
Than when we first started.
But for now, i love him.
And that's enough to keep me here...
a few inches from the spotlight
Where he stands so proudly,
By himself.
As he stared straight up at the ceiling, not looking at me.
A note that had scribbled on it "Wake me" dangled from his fingertips
And suddenly the things i had wanted to tell him, fell silent.
I don't know why a cozy dinner and a casual conversation almost turned into goodbye,
But i know that when i left his house around 8, something was still hazy
Something was still, not right.
And now, at almost 3 a.m., there's suddenly this notion that this time, might have been that time
Where he finally decided not to come at all.
Suddenly all those things that seemed so demanding, now seemed so trivial,
And the only thought in my head was,
This might be it.
And its definitely not what i wanted.
They say you don't realize what you've got until its gone,
But sometimes, you realize it just at the moment
Before you lose it
And in that moment you have to decide how to hang onto it.
But now the tables have turned,
And he won't even look me in the eye as i tell him
I do still want to be with him.
Now they are just words in a script
And he can rationalize everything, as usual
And as usual, i block it out, because nothing can rationalize
Putting the person who means the world to you
Under a pile of routine chores and meaningless statistics...
nothing.
I refuse to believe that i've fallen so far from his heart
That those things -- can make him more happy that i ever could.
But all the things i want to say, i cant
Because now, all a sudden, they are carried away with the breeze from the fan
And i'm left to hear them myself
Left to wonder if he heard them at all,
Since he doesn't reply.
And at this point i cant tell if his eyes are open are closed
And i wonder if he could see the tears that wont stop falling from my eyes
How can you watch someone you care about falling apart in front of you like that?
It would break my heart
But he's so good at putting up that wall between us
And i dont have the strength anymore to knock it down.
In desperation my words come out as chokes and sobs
And i tell him that no one will ever love him as much as i do
And that all i really want out of this life,
Is to know what that feels like someday...
To know how it feels to be that important to somebody.
After that there's really nothing else to say
And my body falls shivering onto my side of the bed
That i've gotten so used to crying myself to sleep on
And his arm finds its way around me, the moment before i hear him softly snore,
But this time, that's just part of the script too i think
Because it doesn't feel like anything at all
And tomorrow i'll go back to playing the role of the girl who's happy with all this,
Who waits for those rare and few moments where i matter
And where i am worth spending time with
When everything else is finally accomplished.
I go back to pretending i'm fine with all this,
And knowing its not going to change
That we'll continue to drift apart
And become more like strangers
Than when we first started.
But for now, i love him.
And that's enough to keep me here...
a few inches from the spotlight
Where he stands so proudly,
By himself.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
