dirzted
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2013
- Messages
- 637
I have been on buprenorphine maintenance for my previous heroin/painkiller addiction in the form of suboxone/subutex for three years now. Whilst most reports of substances concern new or otherwise unexpected experiences, mine will concern the opposite, the most expected, the routine, the everyday experience of buprenorphine after having ingested 16mg of the substance daily for multiple years.
I have often wondered if there could be a sort of ‘placebo’ addiction treatment in which the patient would be given a dose of what appeared to be their preferred substance in a way that exactly mimicked their routine ingestion of it, yet contained none of the active drug. Given the studies on the power of the placebo effect, I find this idea to not be farfetched, in which case its success would be a prime meditation on the nature of drug addiction. The need for external stabilization to an unstable internal environment is an integral component of drug addiction. When the addict fails to author a satisfactory mental state, they immediately render themselves incapable of rendering such a state and necessitate external means for achieving it. The ‘external means’ being their drug of choice, which then allows them to circumscribe their otherwise faulty conscious through the artificial manipulation of their mental systems. Upon routinized reinforcement of this dynamic by the addict, the drug seems to me to become less relevant, and rather the mere action of its ingestion, that is its recognized success in providing a satisfactory mental state, is what becomes the most significant aspect of this process.
T: 0:00 Strip under the tongue as I walk to class, I usually take my subs (the buprenorphine) prior to the most significant activities I undertake during the day, whether that be going on a date, meeting up with friends, or, as in this case, going to class.
T: 00:10 Strip has finished dissolving and I feel my social confidence begin to rise, even though I recognize the fact that sublingual administration of bupe should take a minimum of 20 minutes to begin taking effect. I feel as though my brain has had my taking of the drug so ingrained inside itself that it just starts to produce the expected physiological response early because it already knows what’s to come. It’s like its grown tired of waiting and just skips to the goodies.
T: 00:30 Effects are peaking, an hour early I know, but the actual concentration of the drug in my system is irrelevant, its the gratification in knowing I am no longer liable for maintaining a healthy conscious experience that fuels my high. This brief absence of responsibility is the main area of my craving, and it peaks at this point in time after ingestion because of the fact that the effects have yet to establish themselves, they are merely beginning. I therefore can remain in a state of rehearsed excitement for the high that is to come, which in of itself generates a high, and in turn makes up for the lack of one produced by the actual presence of the drug in my body, something I have been largely tolerant to for years now.
T: 1:00 I am still feeling quite content at this point, with social lubrication and motivation present. Though I am largely tolerant to the ‘high’ of buprenorphine, I still feel a watered down version of its effects, which I consider more of a ‘mood-lift’ than a high. An hour post-ingestion are when these effects are most pronounced, with the usual opiate warmth, sociability, and general uplift all in attendance (but to a MUCH lesser degree than they would be for a non-tolerant user, or relative to other full-agonist opiates). While these effects are most pronounced at this point in time, I nonetheless maintain that the ‘peak’ I feel with regards to the drug is before this point, when there is an unknown element to the experience in that it hasn’t fully established itself yet, and I therefore have the capacity to imagine an intensely euphoric experience awaiting me. While I know this isn’t going to happen, there is still an undeniable factor of chaos involved here that the ever-faster encroaching order of my routine suboxone maintenance cannot eradicate.
T: 2:00-5:00 At this point the primary effects of the aforementioned “buzz” have worn off, although I am nonetheless content with my mental state (a rarity I can assure you). This contentment lasts for the next couple hours, creating what I would consider an otherwise “normal” state of being. This is where the concept of maintenance takes hold the strongest, in my opinion, for it is here where I act as a productive functionary of society, at least in the American incarnation of that term. I purvey the stability and conscious wherewithal of this cultural conception by my expression of contentment as well as ability to adequately satisfy my societal requirements smoothly (such as going to class on time, asking questions appropriately, sitting quietly etc.).
T: 6:00 At this point, the contentment begins to fade, although I am nonetheless better off than I would be if I had yet to take a strip earlier in the day. However, I am now considerably weaker in my societal functions, I am less sociable, more inclined to create awkward situations, and have a greater sensitivity to adverse events. I am not necessarily withdrawing its just I can no longer completely absolve myself of the aforestated responsibility to upkeep my own mental health. It is at this time of the day when I take my second strip, which then makes up for this deficiency until I go to sleep, wake up the next day, and repeat this whole cycle.
It is interesting to me that I can be so completely addicted to such a powerful substance, yet the dragon I chase seems to be caught every single day I take my suboxone. I guess this is just the concept of maintenance, but I still feel I am no less qualified as a drug addict in my substance use, in which case it is strange to exist in what could be described as the ideal, or pinnacle of drug addiction. I have no supply problems, my tolerance is relatively static, and aside from the dependence itself suffer nothing but positive consequences. Yet this pinnacle rises from below, and merely reaches regularity. It fails to go beyond any non-addicted person’s emotional capacity, and in this way the drug functions like a placebo for a satisfactory conscious. Drug addiction is circular. My high is normalcy. My intoxication unnecessary. To follow the path of addiction to its destination is to end up where you started. I simply have come back from the devolution of drug dependence to my original state, the one I would have been in if I had never had that first hit of pot from my friend’s bong, that bottle of whiskey from my dad’s cabinet, that adderall from my classmate’s prescription, and that damn vicodin from my grandma’s medicine cabinet…
Shall I regurgitate more cliches for you? (oh and the title of this should actually be "15 Step")
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_suboxone
substancecode_buprenorphine
substancecode_opiates
substancecode_pharms
explevel_veryexperienced
exptype_positive
exptype_addiction
roacode_sublingual
I have often wondered if there could be a sort of ‘placebo’ addiction treatment in which the patient would be given a dose of what appeared to be their preferred substance in a way that exactly mimicked their routine ingestion of it, yet contained none of the active drug. Given the studies on the power of the placebo effect, I find this idea to not be farfetched, in which case its success would be a prime meditation on the nature of drug addiction. The need for external stabilization to an unstable internal environment is an integral component of drug addiction. When the addict fails to author a satisfactory mental state, they immediately render themselves incapable of rendering such a state and necessitate external means for achieving it. The ‘external means’ being their drug of choice, which then allows them to circumscribe their otherwise faulty conscious through the artificial manipulation of their mental systems. Upon routinized reinforcement of this dynamic by the addict, the drug seems to me to become less relevant, and rather the mere action of its ingestion, that is its recognized success in providing a satisfactory mental state, is what becomes the most significant aspect of this process.
T: 0:00 Strip under the tongue as I walk to class, I usually take my subs (the buprenorphine) prior to the most significant activities I undertake during the day, whether that be going on a date, meeting up with friends, or, as in this case, going to class.
T: 00:10 Strip has finished dissolving and I feel my social confidence begin to rise, even though I recognize the fact that sublingual administration of bupe should take a minimum of 20 minutes to begin taking effect. I feel as though my brain has had my taking of the drug so ingrained inside itself that it just starts to produce the expected physiological response early because it already knows what’s to come. It’s like its grown tired of waiting and just skips to the goodies.
T: 00:30 Effects are peaking, an hour early I know, but the actual concentration of the drug in my system is irrelevant, its the gratification in knowing I am no longer liable for maintaining a healthy conscious experience that fuels my high. This brief absence of responsibility is the main area of my craving, and it peaks at this point in time after ingestion because of the fact that the effects have yet to establish themselves, they are merely beginning. I therefore can remain in a state of rehearsed excitement for the high that is to come, which in of itself generates a high, and in turn makes up for the lack of one produced by the actual presence of the drug in my body, something I have been largely tolerant to for years now.
T: 1:00 I am still feeling quite content at this point, with social lubrication and motivation present. Though I am largely tolerant to the ‘high’ of buprenorphine, I still feel a watered down version of its effects, which I consider more of a ‘mood-lift’ than a high. An hour post-ingestion are when these effects are most pronounced, with the usual opiate warmth, sociability, and general uplift all in attendance (but to a MUCH lesser degree than they would be for a non-tolerant user, or relative to other full-agonist opiates). While these effects are most pronounced at this point in time, I nonetheless maintain that the ‘peak’ I feel with regards to the drug is before this point, when there is an unknown element to the experience in that it hasn’t fully established itself yet, and I therefore have the capacity to imagine an intensely euphoric experience awaiting me. While I know this isn’t going to happen, there is still an undeniable factor of chaos involved here that the ever-faster encroaching order of my routine suboxone maintenance cannot eradicate.
T: 2:00-5:00 At this point the primary effects of the aforementioned “buzz” have worn off, although I am nonetheless content with my mental state (a rarity I can assure you). This contentment lasts for the next couple hours, creating what I would consider an otherwise “normal” state of being. This is where the concept of maintenance takes hold the strongest, in my opinion, for it is here where I act as a productive functionary of society, at least in the American incarnation of that term. I purvey the stability and conscious wherewithal of this cultural conception by my expression of contentment as well as ability to adequately satisfy my societal requirements smoothly (such as going to class on time, asking questions appropriately, sitting quietly etc.).
T: 6:00 At this point, the contentment begins to fade, although I am nonetheless better off than I would be if I had yet to take a strip earlier in the day. However, I am now considerably weaker in my societal functions, I am less sociable, more inclined to create awkward situations, and have a greater sensitivity to adverse events. I am not necessarily withdrawing its just I can no longer completely absolve myself of the aforestated responsibility to upkeep my own mental health. It is at this time of the day when I take my second strip, which then makes up for this deficiency until I go to sleep, wake up the next day, and repeat this whole cycle.
It is interesting to me that I can be so completely addicted to such a powerful substance, yet the dragon I chase seems to be caught every single day I take my suboxone. I guess this is just the concept of maintenance, but I still feel I am no less qualified as a drug addict in my substance use, in which case it is strange to exist in what could be described as the ideal, or pinnacle of drug addiction. I have no supply problems, my tolerance is relatively static, and aside from the dependence itself suffer nothing but positive consequences. Yet this pinnacle rises from below, and merely reaches regularity. It fails to go beyond any non-addicted person’s emotional capacity, and in this way the drug functions like a placebo for a satisfactory conscious. Drug addiction is circular. My high is normalcy. My intoxication unnecessary. To follow the path of addiction to its destination is to end up where you started. I simply have come back from the devolution of drug dependence to my original state, the one I would have been in if I had never had that first hit of pot from my friend’s bong, that bottle of whiskey from my dad’s cabinet, that adderall from my classmate’s prescription, and that damn vicodin from my grandma’s medicine cabinet…
Shall I regurgitate more cliches for you? (oh and the title of this should actually be "15 Step")
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_suboxone
substancecode_buprenorphine
substancecode_opiates
substancecode_pharms
explevel_veryexperienced
exptype_positive
exptype_addiction
roacode_sublingual
Last edited by a moderator:
