Brother has had a mental breakdown. WHAT THE FUCK!

[NomeGrown]

So my 25 year old brother has had a severe mental breakdown, all over something that my parents said to him 2 months ago, and he is still losing it. Because of his mental state throughout his whole life, something that was said, sent him into a raging, crying depression, every day, all day, for the last 2 months. He is so angry and my parents for whatever was said. They have tried to help him, with no luck. Everything they said is wrong, and makes my bother even worse, so there is no way to even talk to him if that makes sense. He yells at them all day non stop, saying they ruined his life, he cant get his credentials for school, stuff like that. Also, he repeats himself OVER, and OVER, non stop. Also, he calls them every horrible name in the book, non stop. He also says that his parents never gonna see him again, and its there fault cuz hes like this and they want him to be like this, don't care about him, and so on. It is his mental state that is making him like this, but is convinced its my parents that make him like this, which is not the case. He says he cant wait to leave, and how he wants to be as far away as possible, but yet, 2 months later, he is still here. He screams at my parents saying, "how the fuck are you gonna fix this," and they say anytihng you want we will do for you, but he would rather do this shit and not move the fuck out. He is unable to not speak to my parents. If he hates them and says the only way for him to get better is to be away from them. He is still here though. And also, he asks for help, but yet my parents offer to move him anywhere, do anything for him, and he is still here. This is all because of his mental state. All my parents do is listen to the irrational shit he has to say because they do not know what to do. He will go in his room, then come out going crazy, he does this all day. Its his obsessive compulsive behavior that prevents him from just staying in his fucking room damn it. I cant begin to count the amount of times that he repeats himself, its fucking sickening listening to him. Most shit that parents say to there kids for disciplining them or whatever, they don't flip out and bring up the past 20 fucking years later. This shit is fucking me up having to deal with it. I could write for days about this lol. Sorry for the long post.

Don't really know why I wrote this, guess im just looking for what people have to say, maybe advice etc.

Oh yea, and this is a horrible time for me to be trying to get off opiates. This just sucks. Thanks

 

[herbavore]

Sounds horrible and toxic for everyone! Your parents sound utterly defeated. Do you think they would consider getting help from a family counselor? Is your brother getting mental health help?
I wonder if your parents know how much this is hurting and affecting you? Sounds like the family is used to revolving around your brother's situation and you may be getting lost in the shuffle. Do you have extended family close by that could give you support?

 

[n3ophy7e]

NomeGrown I am so sorry to hear this, it sounds like home is a really bad environment for everyone at the moment, and especially hard for you while you're trying to quit opiates.

Has your brother ever seen a doctor about his mental health before? Is there a family doctor your parents can call to come around to see him? I really think he needs some kind of medical intervention, as if it's been going on for 2 months already it sounds like he's not going to get much better on his own.

Keep us updated with the situation if you like, I really hope things begin to improve

 

[NomeGrown]

NomeGrown I am so sorry to hear this, it sounds like home is a really bad environment for everyone at the moment, and especially hard for you while you're trying to quit opiates.

Has your brother ever seen a doctor about his mental health before? Is there a family doctor your parents can call to come around to see him? I really think he needs some kind of medical intervention, as if it's been going on for 2 months already it sounds like he's not going to get much better on his own.

Keep us updated with the situation if you like, I really hope things begin to improve

Hes been on every medicine in the book and sees a psych. He was on his meds again and he goes on and off because he thinks he doesnt need it which is common for people who go through this hell. He gets whatever he wants he is suppose to take 25mg serequel 5 times a day. Idunno what else to do. Thanks for the responses.

Also, it is extremely hard to talk someone into seeking more medical help when they are in a mental state like this, as most of you know. Its hard to tell him that HE needs more medical attention, when he feels the only reason he is like this is because of my parents since he claims he was in a perfect mental state to begin with. and like I think was said before, is not the case. So its what he needs, hopefully he realizes he needs to go on meds again. Thanks, much love guys.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Man that is such a tough situation
I know what you mean, when someone is so far in to their mental state like your brother is right now, no-one else can talk him around to doing anything he doesn't want to do. I'm not surprised that you and your parents are at your wits' end. All you guys want to do is HELP him, but he won't let you

I'm sure you have thought about this at some point...and it's a difficult option to consider...but what about having him sectioned in to an institution for a little while, so he can regain some stability. If he's in a psych ward he will be taking the correct meds on a regular basis and will be in contact with a psych at least once every day. I'm sure it's the last thing you and your parents want to do to him but it could possibly be for his own good??

 

[NomeGrown]

Man that is such a tough situation
I know what you mean, when someone is so far in to their mental state like your brother is right now, no-one else can talk him around to doing anything he doesn't want to do. I'm not surprised that you and your parents are at your wits' end. All you guys want to do is HELP him, but he won't let you

I'm sure you have thought about this at some point...and it's a difficult option to consider...but what about having him sectioned in to an institution for a little while, so he can regain some stability. If he's in a psych ward he will be taking the correct meds on a regular basis and will be in contact with a psych at least once every day. I'm sure it's the last thing you and your parents want to do to him but it could possibly be for his own good??

Oh yea its def. crossed my mind, but I mean, I do not see that happening. I get pretty worried when he sleeps in super late, because, well, you know why. we have asked him straight up if he is thinking about hurting/killing himself, and he says no. That is some reassurance of course, but not nearly enough. He talks about death way to casually which fucks with my head. It is like trying to kick, how can someone be helped if they do not want to be? So I feel like time is the only thing that can help him. He feels so hopeless and lonely and all of that fucked up stuff, even though, we are all here for him, even after all the horrible shit he has said. I feel like its his mental state and everything he is saying, is not true, shit is that crazy lol. I look at it this way...Im sure in the past, he has thought his life could not get any worse, and would never get better, but then eventually it did get a little better according to him. Everyone thinks that at some point, but this is just another time where he thinks it will not get better, but it will just like every other time. Just need to let him get through it, so then hopefully he can get on with his life and do whatever he needs to do. And about being put in a pysch W, we really would feel horrible cause sometimes when hes flipping out we feel like we should call the cops to end the situation, but then when shit calms down is the time where I am like, good thing I did not call I feel to bad for him etc. Thanks man or mam. Much love.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yeah I totally understand that you'd feel bad about sending him to a psych unit. I'd be exactly the same if it was my brother. You love him and you want the best for him, and you know that he'd be upset if he had to go to a psych hospital.

But please, if it gets to the stage where he is a threat to himself or you or your parents, you really should consider getting some serious help for him, and quickly. I know it's a really hard decision to make but it would be better to have the authorities intervene, than to have anyone get harmed.

Hopefully it will never get to that stage though. Keep us updated with how he (and you) are going. Take care

Oh, and it's mam

 

[DMFNR]

I'm not trying to insult with this, I've been through similar issues myself. A bit of backstory if you will, I'm 24 years old and after heavily abusing opiates since I was 15 and finally stabilizing on suboxone I realized that I hadn't matured much since 14 due to my use, and my behavior was quite similar. You didn't mention whether your brother has a history of drug use or anything, but that's not really the point and it doesn't matter much in the general point I'm getting at. What I'm trying to say is your brothers behavior sounds like simple immaturity and an inability to cope with whatever psychological issues he does have. Behaviors like throwing "tantrums" over simple things your parents say, holding a grudge for months over a disagreement, and the whole "it'll be fine once I move away from my parents" while making no effort to do so. It sounds pretty similar to a moody teenager's behavior. When this is exacerbated by some sort of psychological condition it can be quite a volatile mix. Honestly there's not much that can be done with it, as treating the psychological issues with medication only solves part of the problem, and as we all know psychiatric medicine can be very hit or miss. The immaturity problem can also aggravate any psychological conditions or even cause them an make the problem worse. Someone with issues like that might have trouble socially, and having the outlook on his home life that he does can cause him a lot of stress and pain. Finding the right counselor/therapist to help them through their issues is critical, and it usually takes the kind of therapist who isn't afraid to tell a patient that they are acting irrational and silly. People mature at different rates, and I know a few people my age who are still stuck in their early teen years and it is very rough on the whole family, and unfortunately it rarely gets dealt with. Sometimes parents don't want to tell their children that it's time to grow up, and even if they do the kid (or childlike adult) will usually throw a tantrum anyway. Sometimes it really does take a wake up call, it could be something like an inpatient stay in a psychiatric hospital, or maybe being booted out on your own like I was where you're forced to sink or swim. I tends to make people grow up real fast. Maybe the best thing for him would be for your parents to tell him to either grow up or get out because they're getting older and they can't deal with that kind of shit from their adult children, and they actually need to follow through. I don't mean just putting his ass out on the street and letting him starve, they can help out, even give him another chance if he's willing to play nice, but they need to show him adult life. As we grow up its hard for us to realize sometimes that our parents will always be our parents, our relationships change a little bit as time moves on, but when a 25 year old has lived with his parents his whole life the family dynamic doesn't change very much. His inability to deal with his parents yelling at him for something is just simple immaturity. A lot of people have psychological issues, but we find ways to deal with them, and if we can't we seek help to do so. Honestly, for your brother, the best options I can think of are putting him on his own to figure out stuff on his own, or some time as an inpatient to allow the professionals to start working on his psychological issues, or maybe both. He needs to get his shit figured out, but at the same time your parents by just allowing this situation to go on for so long are acting as enablers. The same techniques and principles we learn as recovering addicts work exactly the same for any other sort of psychological or emotional issue.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

My mental break downs were drug induced. But I will give you the advise someone gave me that I never listened to and wish I had.

We are not doctors here. Seek medical help. Nothing said here can help, only a trained professorial will be able to help him. I also rec. suboxen. 5months clean after 9years strait of abused of every drug out there (I came back from the abyss) From death from mental psychosis (no joke) I came back. I have my life back together but I never would of been able to do it alone.
Get mental help for him, help if you can but there is only so much you or your faimly can do.
Is he a drug user?

 

[Durks321]

It's like everything you described i'm going through right now. My brother had a mental break down last year, March 2011, he was 26. He made up lies and blamed my mother for things she never did and brought my sister into the kitchen and told her he wanted to kill himself. He also told my parents he wanted them to be dead. They've only done whats best for him his whole life so you can imagine how upset they were. He had the mental breakdown as far as I know, it was due to stress as he was in a stressful course in college and couldn't handle it. He has dabbled in drugs though, i don't know what kinds but it was when he was 16/17. Now it's a year later. He's living in another country but he's just the same. He's got crazy theories about life and religion. He thinks he is smarter than everyone else and it just makes me mad. I get so mad sometimes about it all but then i find myself crying because of it. He was on medication but he stopped taking it. My parents don't want him to take it again because they think the tablets are damaging his physical health. He also believes he doesn't need them. He is living in another country as I've said but he is living off his girlfriend who he had before the breakdown. He refuses to work as he doesnt believe in work/money so his girlfriend is paying all the bills while he sits at home meditating. He expects my parents to give him money any time he wants and never says thank you. His mental state now a year later is just as bad as it was when he had the breakdown first. I want to know how your brother is now. I hope you still check this thread. I registered just so I could comment as I could identify with you so much. I'm only eighteen and i'm in my final year and this is all just shit to deal with.

 

[herbavore]

wow, Durks, that sounds horrible. I don't know whether or not the OP will see this or not--looks like his/her last activity was a few months ago. You might want to start your own thread about your situation as there are many people here in TDS with experience with mental illness--(in ourselves and our family members). One of the things that I found helpful was the organization NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness). They are an umbrella organization that advocates for people suffering from a broad spectrum of conditions that we label mental illness but they do so with respect and compassion. I have a few problems with some of the philosophy (as well as that they accept funding from big pharmaceuticals) but overall they do much to educate and de-stigmatize. They offer a class for family members called the Family-to-family class and it is either taught by a person with an illness or a family member. It is wonderful to sit in a room full of people that can relate to the stress you are facing. I would definitely recommend it for your parents as well.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

That sounds like me when I was 14/15. I don't fully understand why I was like that and have recently acted in a similar manner. I am very ashamed about my behaviour. I know that it was probably mainly to do with the fact that I had no idea how to respond to or deal with any form of emotion. It gave me the same release that drugs, self mutilation and anorexia have at various points in my life, I can see that now.

Unfortunately I don't really have much advice to give, I'm only just at the very beginning of learning the emotional tools I need for life.

 

[Miss Kirsty]

wow durks if you are in the same situation as the OP, please take Herbavore advice and visit the Dark Side to share it with us, and maybe (probly) the smart people here can offer you some seriously good advice...All the best durks...