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Broken Heart Poem

C

coleminor

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 28, 2012
Messages
37
A poem I wrote because I was feeling depressed about my stupid ex... I hope that some people can relate, and I hope that everyone enjoys it. Any feedback is much appreciated! :)




You've fucked me over royally,
You really suck at loyalty,
I'll always love you,
But I'm jus sayin,
U ain't deserve my spoiling,

U ain't deserve the trust I gave,
The love I showed you,
Got me played,
You ain't deserve a fucking thing,
Damn sure not that Diamond ring,

You ain't deserve a man like me,
I saw the truth,
but refused to believe,
I Loved you blindly,
yet now I see,
You only love yourself,
not me.

Even so,
Filled with rage,
Filled with anger,
Fueled by hate,
The hate Inside me,
ain't for you,
I just hate,
the things you do..

I can't forget you,
trust I've tried,
I feel like my soul has died,
the tears are gone,
my eyes have dried,
Emptiness,
I feel inside,

it took some time to realize,
that loving you is suicide,
yet Even with that realization,
heartbreak, tears,
and mad frustration,

I'll always love you,
Guess I'm a dummy,
You are my drug,
And I'm a junkie

-Cole Minor
 
Really liked the first two stanzas particularly. If you could keep it as tight and the venom as fresh and palpable without any melodrama or cliche, like in the first two, the entire thing would be even better.

Thanks for letting us read.
 
I agree. I like the first two stanzas, particularly your intentional use of incorrect grammar.

You ain't deserve a fucking thing,
Damn sure not that Diamond ring
Click to expand...

Nice.

(Helpful hint: Regarding the recordings thread, it's better to link to your post. To do this, hover over the number in the top right corner of the post, right click and go to copy link address or whatever equivalent jargon your browser presents you with. I had a look at the thread you linked to, but couldn't be bothered going through page after page to find your recordings.)

Stay off those Harry Potter beans.

:)
 
@ForEverAfter, Thank you for your feedback! I'd really really like to hear what you think of my music as well! I have instrumentals and songs with lyrics on my page. I don't think I'm supposed to link it here, but you're a moderator and I'm not advertising lol, I'm just specifically trying to show "YOU" at this point :)

www.soundclick.com/cmp333

and if you end up deciding that you like my work,
Please Please Please "LIKE" my facebook artist page, I only have 75 likes so far :(

www.facebook.com/coleminorproductions

Thanks Again :)
 
It is, unfortunately, impossible for me to listen to your music until 2013. In order to focus myself spiritually, I am abstaining from: film/ television/ music/ sex/ masturbation/ and chemical drugs for 6 months. Today is day 18/183. So, as tempting as it is, I cannot listen to your tracks for another 165 days...

I can't "like" you either, as I don't - and never will - have a facebook account.
 
Awww :(

Can you possibly, since ur a moderator and u seem cool and probably have a lot of friends.. Is there any chance you could get a few people that like hip hop to listen and give me some feedback? If not it's ok, Just figured I'd ask. People's opinions of my music is a driving force for me to make more.

Also, It must take quite a bit of self control to do what you're doing, and it's absolutely amazing! I look forward to 2013 though so I can see what "YOU" think. Good luck with what you're doing though, for real!

-Thanks :)
 
I'm not going to promote your music for you. Sorry. Although I'm a moderator, I am new to this forum and I wouldn't have any idea where to start. Perhaps you should contact a mod from one of the music forums. I, sir, am a bookworm.

:)
 
thats cool, I didn't mean I wanted u to promote me lol, I guess it's hard to show friends something u like if you haven't actually heard it tho..

Gonna try to do the poem thing
 
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