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Bribing oneself...?

Libby

Libby

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
2,775
I just realised I do this now that I am trying not to use drugs, everything I do is bribing myself.
I look around and I'm like fuck my room is a pigsty I have to clean it, normally I'ld bribe myself with some meth to get it done, so now I'm like okay.. I can order a pizza to eat if I clean my room... (like that's going to help me get to an anorexic weight 8) ) And I'm like ok, well if I eat less than 500cals everyday for a week it makes an allowance for the pizza, and I'm just thinking why is everything always a bribe, why can't I do what needs to be done because it needs to be done? By the way it's not just cleaning my room lol, this is just an example. It is EVERY fucking thing I ever do in my life.
 
i do the same thing. I guess it's helpful to get stuff done at least. I have used drugs as a motivation to do things that i don't want to do for a long time so when i end up quitting drugs i have no drive or ambition to do anything.

i think the healthy alternative to this is doing something because it will make you feel better afterwards.
 
You're not bribing yourself, you're giving yourself positive reinforcement in the shape of something other than drugs.

Look, there's a coffee shop ~1 mile from my house. I know I need more fresh air and sunlight. If I walk to the coffee shop and back for a nonfat cappuccino, I've logged 2 miles. If I make the cappuccino non-fat and w/o sugar (which is easy because I don't like sweet coffee), then I haven't blown the point of the exercise. Eventually, I'll walk just for the sake of walking, and you will clean your pigsty (those were your words) house just for the sheer pleasure of living in a clean house. Get it?
 
I suppose I do the same with myself, and I guess I've never really seen much harm to it because it's always helped me get things done and I've done the same thing before, just not with drugs.
 
Hmm I feel like normal people are able to go about their day without a big ordeal over every single task.
 
I don't know, normal un-broken people, people who have nothing wrong with them, successful people, they work hard, they achieve, they do their homework, they clean their room, they wake up to their alarm clock, go to work everyday, you knw the type. Normal people lol
 
I was always told I was lazy, I used to protest that it wasn't that I was lazy and didn't want to do it, it was that I am SO lazy I CANT do it, and really they should feel sorry for me. Always blah blah bright blah blah potential blah blah so many other people working so hard to get into this class and here I am not doing any work, like it was on purpose like I didnt really want to do everything I needed to do. Im sure theres something wrong with me, I mean there was I had anorexia but I dont anymore and anyway heaps of anorexics are high achievers. I went to doctors its not ADD its not depression apparently there is nothing wrong with me. Just wondering how normal people force themselves to do shit. Bribery hasnt been working, nothing ever has.
 
My therapist recommends me find things to use as rewards for getting tasks done that I don't want to do or that are difficult. Now, if the rewards are always in form of potentially negative items like drugs, food, etc, it can end up back firing and forming another problem. So, it is natural and healthy to reward yourself for good behavior as it will reinforce such behavior, potentially making it easier to get the tasks or whatever it is done. You just need to do it in a healthy way.

I know it may seem difficult to find rewards outside of drugs or a big ol pizza, etc., but there should be things out there that you'd enjoy that don't involve those potentially negative items. I'm still working on finding healthy rewards, and it is getting easier to figure some out the happier, and more productive I become.
 
Well I did used to do it with clothes shopping but that turned into not a reward at all because I always bought clothes too small so I had to shrink into them and then once they fit I would get them an ever smaller size, and anyway since saving money and stuff got its way onto the list of things I neef to do it seemed kinda counterproductive to reward with spending all my money. Theres literally nothing else I want lol except for the things that come naturally from doing the work like a university degree or things that are too expensive like plastic surgery. I need to find good small rewards I guess.
 
For me I'll smoke a cig after doing certain chores, or watch a movie after long tasks to relax, or..... well... sex/self pleasure. Everything in moderation of course.
 
I can remember the like one and only thing that ever actually worked before drugs, when I was a kid and I had to clean my room or else I'ld get a beating the only way I could get it done and avoid the beating is that I didnt do it, I made barbie do it lol, barbie was being filmed for some big tv programme about cleaning up the earth and she would talk and host the show and id get her little arms and make her pick up things which were litter and pollutiob not my crap lol. I dont think that would work anymore... Im too big now
 
I don't think I've ever been that motivated to do boring shit. Even before I started doing drugs, I'd go a couple weeks at at time without being able to see the floor of my room. Haha I guess honestly drugs just make you realize how boring that shit is...I don't really see anything negative about using them to motivate yourself, hey some change is better than none. I'm sure it'd be better if we were all more self motivated anyway.
 
I think it is totally "normal" to reward yourself for doing things you don't want to do. OK, for a few people I know just being in control of their lives down to the most minute detail is reward enough---but those are the very controlling, anal people I know. =D Other than those few, everyone, including myself, rewards themselves. As Cloudy mentioned above, it is making sure that whatever the reward is, it does not become a negative habit in and of itself. I used to always reward with food. The reward felt good for about 5 minutes then I felt bad about myself. Now I am trying to reward myself with time. If I get some horrible task done, then I give myself a guilt free period of time to do nothing. Even though I know that spacing out is essential to me (feeds my creativity, relaxes me, re-energizes me) I usually feel guilty doing it. Now, when I consciously choose it as my reward it feels even more luxurious.
 
That sounds good. My whole life pretty much is sitting around doing nothing though haha so I dont spose using that as a reward would work in my case, it would be nice to not feel guilty while doing it, I cant even imagine. Well I went and hangout with my mate and scored so now when I get dropped home I have motivational substance and I will get things clean and organised, then maybe I csn try start again trying a better way to do this.
 
I try to do this. I say "try," because I end up not doing the task and rewarding myself anyway. At least you get shit done.
 
Libby said:
Well I went and hangout with my mate and scored so now when I get dropped home I have motivational substance and I will get things clean and organised, then maybe I csn try start again trying a better way to do this.
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I am not going to judge you for getting drugs, nor do I think less of you. :)

However, I am so glad you said you wanted to try to find a better way to "do this" (get motivated to take care of life's situations?) - this is definitely good. Sometimes for me, if there's something I really don't want to do, I'll think of it like, the sooner I get it done, the sooner I can kick it back and enjoy the rest of my day.

I also have to realize that if I procrastinate and don't get important things accomplished, nothing good will come of this, and it will not serve me well in life. So sometimes, just having the "well, I'm trying..." attitude can go along way. :D
 
Libby said:
I don't know, normal un-broken people, people who have nothing wrong with them, successful people, they work hard, they achieve, they do their homework, they clean their room, they wake up to their alarm clock, go to work everyday, you knw the type. Normal people lol
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They don't exist! They just appear that way to you. We are way harsher on ourselves than we are on others and other people like to look like they've got their shit together. But they don't. And even if one thing seems easy to them, there's guaranteed to be something that isn't. How do you know those people aren't drug users or don't have secret mental health issues or aren't "bribing" themselves to go to work or to clean their house?
 
my room is clean. then I spent like hours sketching, one was really good if I had've known when to put it away and not kept going at it for several more hours until it was no longer so great. I wrote my boyfriend rambling bullshit letters which I guess I will still send him anyway even though delusions of grandure are very apparent. Now I feel crap and want to kill myself like usual, I have more shit I could probably just take more but I don't want to ick. I want my bf :( I always do this and then I'm like why do I do this, I don't like it, it makes me feel awful. *stabs self* Anyway... Productivity, motivation, life, etc...
 
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