RCs Breaking the Amphetamine/Benzo cycle for good.

[JackieChan]

A little background (sorry for the novel)

I was prescribed Xanax when I went to the ER in ~2004 or 2005 after having a panic attack after a few months of constant, horrible anxiety. I took them extremely sparingly (looking back, probably too sparingly, because I believe myself to be one of those cases whose anxiety/depression is pretty much purely chemical in origin - I have a great family, friends, and a great life in general, and I think taking "breaks" from the constant anxiety I felt would have done me a lot of good), with no addiction issues, etc.
I was prescribed Effexor XR in ~2006 for anxiety/depression, and man, my life turned a 180 with that stuff. It basically "cured" my anxiety, mild OCD, depression etc., and any negative side effects subsided with a few months. I've been on 150mg/day ever since and though I hate depending on any drug, am quite fine with that. I've tried going off a few times (the w/d's of which suck), and have gotten off successfully, but within ~6 weeks the depression/anxiety creeps back in, and going back on it makes me myself within weeks, so at least for now I'm content with being on it.

I maintained this prescription of 0.5mg Xanax as needed and 150mg Effexor/day with no issues until about 2 years ago when I was introduced to Adderall, and "discovered" RC amphetamines. I LOVED the way the amphetamines made me feel. But these "forced" me into taking more Xanax for the comedown and sleep, which pushed me to find RC benzos... you probably see where this is going.

About 2 months ago my doctor prescribed me my last bottle of Xanax and ceased to treat me, as there were too many "lost prescriptions", early refills, etc., and I guess I can't blame him, he saw through me and knew I had a problem (a referral to treatment would have been nice though...)

I've since realized that although amphetamines make me extremely productive, they don't seem to make me productive in the ways I should be (ie. finding a career job - I have 2 college degrees and am cleaning boats at a marina for $10/hour, it's almost embarrassing), and lead me to making big, risky decisions, and careless with money, as well as making my personality unstable (sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore).
That, the obvious health risks, the money, and the fact that I've GOT to get my s*** together, have made me determined to get out of this cycle and off the amphetamines (and therefore benzos).

For the record, I was never on huge amounts of either amphetamines nor benzos; When my tolerance is way up I may have consumed up to ~200mg of 2-fma/2-fa, and maybe ~3mgs of Xanax or an equivalent dose of an RC benzo, but generally I'd keep it to about 1mg of Xanax and ~100-120mg of amphetamines. Never any all-nighters, and albeit not much I always ate, and generally was pretty responsible about it (relative term I know).

The past few weeks when I went somewhat "cold turkey" (ie. no more amphetamines and the lowest dose of benzo I could tolerate), 0.5-1mg of Xanax or ~2mg of Etiz would put me pretty even-keel. Off them completely was manageable but fairly miserable.
That's what I've been doing the past ~week; the bare minimum of benzos and no amphetamines, and I've had zero motivation and a fair bit of anxiety.
But I've REALLY got to get some s*** done and in order, so I can't live like that right now.

So,
I just received a few grams of RC amphetamines (2-fma and 2-fa) and a (relative) mother-load of RC benzos... Flubromazepam, Pyrazolam, Nifoxipam, Clonazolam, and Diclazepam; a decent amount of each, with the intention of them being the last RC's I acquire, and getting out of this amphetamine/benzo cycle I (very foolishly) got myself into.

I intentionally chose a few (particularly flubro, diclaz) benzos that have longer half-lives to make it easier to taper.
I've tried them all in the past, but at various times, and I've not access to all of them at once, so I've been re-experimenting with each to examine their effects.

My intention is to take a Flubromazelam (my pills are 4mg) every 3 days or so; if necessary (hopefully not), a Pyrazolam to counter any day-time anxiety I may encounter, since it has little hypnotic properties, and some Clonazolam if I need help sleeping, as they are fairly hypnotic (again, hopefully I won't need either).
Then eventually break the Flubro into smaller amounts and taper down that way until I can take any of the other benzos I've got, as needed, until I'm off them completely.
The amphetamines I will simply taper/limit usage to 1 or 2 times a week.

Does this sound like a decent plan?
Also, I've heard that the mixing of benzos can make it easier to come off of them; anybody experience this or want to chime in?

Any comments/suggestions are welcome,
Thanks.

 

[JackieChan]

BTW, if anyone were to mention it as far helping a taper, I've tried (high quality) Phenibut, and in addition to not particularly enjoying it (it helps with anxiety but makes my head feel "full"), I don't want to trade one addiction for another.

 

[Dooofus]

Hi, Sorry if this comes off as sounding mean or judgmental. I don't mean to be hard on you and I'm certainly not better than you or anything, but here is my honest take since you asked.....

You realize that benzos and amphetamines are messing up your life or playing a role in messing up your life. Your solution is to source a bunch of your own benzos and amphetamines, so that you can ultimately quit. Does this sound like a decent plan? No. Not to me. It sounds like the sneaky and addicted part of your brain is rationalizing why you "should" buy a motherload of drugs, when in reality the better decision is probably to NOT buy those drugs. This is very common with addictions.

I don't really have the answers and don't know what you SHOULD do. Other than all the same stuff people repeat over and over. Diet, exercise, fill your life with other more positive activities, find some kind of support whether that is friends, family, a support group or whatever works. Find a Dr. who will understand your situation and care, and be honest with them. DON'T cold turkey off of benzos if you have a dependency because that can be dangerous. Find a Dr. who will work with you on some kind of a taper plan. I just think that if you try and do it all by yourself by buying a motherload of drugs, it's likely to end up even worse in the end.

One way or another, you are probably going to need some kind of help. I wish you all the best with it!! Take care.

 

[Mad Dash]

My friend you really are going about this all backwards. I am not going to go into detail but buying an unreasonably large amount of drugs to get off of an unreasonably large amount of drugs is just not going to work. You are going to have to be ready to quit and this does not sound like ready. When you are ready you will know it, because you will do everything in your power "on the floor begging them to let you into rehab." As a friend of mine says, just to feel what one day without that drugs hold over you is like.

When you have reached that level and do not think more of the same is going to work then you can try. I could understand the benzos to an extent, The WDs can be deadly. But the amp? That shit so be so far away from you if you wanted to quit that it might as well be in the moon. You are lying to yourself and you are doing a great job at it. Nobody can deceive you better than you.

 

[manboychef]

I am with mad dash on this one. Ask yourself two questions.

1.) What do I really want? (do I want a life free from drugs?)

2.) What am I willing to do to get it?

I know the answer to both as I was at the end of my rope before. Answer one should be. "God help me yes I want to get off this freaking rollercoaster right now!", and the Answer to two should be "Whatever it takes!"

Once you hit that moment you will know. If I were in your shoes, what I would do is go to a detox center, they will help you off the benzos with a taper. Then maybe a long term rehab. Go for at least two months, but try to get somewhere in the range of four to six. Thirty days is not enough to get your faculties back enough to make proper decisions that are in your own best interest. You have been living your life in a certain way for a while now, and you are going to seriously need to do some deprogramming and reprogramming which is what rehab is for.

When you say you have to get your s*** together and you feel urgent about it, you are merely projecting to far ahead. Think about this; You have a job that makes ten dollars an hour. You want to get a better one right? Well chances are you won't even be able to keep that one if you keep going the way you are going. Kill the monster that is right in front of you, before you start killing the dragon behind him. Your biggest problem right now is the drugs. That is glaringly obvious. If you are truly willing to do anything you will flush the amphetamines, check into a detox center and go from there. Worried about losing a ten dollar an hour job? Don't be those are a dime a dozen, and your health and sanity are way more valuable.

goodluck and keep us posted my friend.

 

[Beefy]

As far as Xanax and Benzo addiction. You should've bought ONLY ONE benzo and tried a taper with that one. And you don't need to taper any amphetamines. Specially if you already have benzos.
I also am with the rest who posted about having doubts about your plan. I don't understand the point in getting 5 different benzos if you plan on quitting benzos. You asked if mixing benzos are a good way to
come off of them. From personal experience, mixing benzos is better at getting you more f*cked up than getting you off of them. I have a 60 valium a month prescription. When I started taking them (2 years ago),
I didn't know the synergistic effect between benzos. I mixed 1 valium with a 2mg xanax and I was on the bus nodding harder than I ever nodded on dope.

Ok, we've all pretty much came to a conclusion that your plan is not a very well thought out one, unless you want to go out with a bang before you quit, which is what a lot of people do when they decide to quit.
I suggest you flush 3 of the benzos down the toilet. Flush most or all of the amphetamines down the toilet as well. Use a benzo that doesn't have a too short of a half life. Keep one that has a medium to long half life.
Use that to taper. Go from 4mgs every other day (2-3 days). You'll know when you need it, your back will start hurting to the point you're walking crooked, at least that's how my benzos WDs start. Then you take like 2mg,
and so on, till you're down to taking .25mg of the last benzo you have left. I suggest saving some left to see if you will no longer have any symptoms.
But getting yourself off of benzos with RC is just a bad move. If I was you, I would've just checked myself into a detox center if you live in a big or medium city or town. Or if you have a big hospital near where you live.
There you can be monitored and doctors would know more how to handle you, than anyone responding here (no offense BL). Please take care of yourself. Don't mix the benzos. You can also die from too many sedatives.
Specially ones that aren't that well known.

I hope you are successful. But don't forget what I said, don't be afraid to seek medical help if you're still feeling WD symptoms after you feel you have tapered yourself off by regular standards that you will read online.
Once, a doctor gave me 7 klonopins to taper off of xanax. So you don't need much to taper, just keep decreasing your doses.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I can only suggest that you do this under doctor's supervision. If you don't, relapse is just too close. You need to create more barriers between yourself and the substances. These drugs are more powerful than us. They twist our senses and literally hijack our reward system such that we perceive them as being absolutely necessary. It would be money well spent to simply go to a doctor (or hospital), lay it all out in front of them, then let them do the work. Even doctors needs doctors, especially when it comes to mental health care.

Your health is more important than anything else (except maybe some family members or friends, but you can't be there for them in your current state). Time off from work is probably a good idea. I don't think you can be fired for medical leave.

It's good that you're stopping earlier than you could have, but the bottom line is to get you to a place where you find happiness without relying on something outside of you to produce it. You need to find someone (a reputable therapist/psychologist) who will help you understand what motivates you to self-medicate. You will also probably need medication, in the short term, especially to deal with some of the nastier withdrawal symptoms.

Effexor is a good medication. Benzos, on the other hand, are all but unhealthy. They teach you to mask your symptoms, and eventually they tend to stop working.

Stimulants are good for productivity. But they can really damage the brain//mind if abused. You really should stay off of them for the foreseeable future.

Let us know how you're doing.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

IF you're not physically dependent on benzodiazepines (and that's a big IF), destroy the drugs you have now if you're truly sick of it. Just get ride of them. Fuck this learned helplessness, you realized that your habit has had a negative impact on your quality of life, so you have the knowledge, all you need to do now is act. Easier said than done I know, but personally I'd rather suffer than admit that I'm nothing more than a slave to a chemical.

Obviously if eliminating drugs is going to risk your physical health, seek medical attention.

 

[manboychef]

I think the answer is clear now. Go to a detox center, hospital, or GP to help get off the benzos. I hope you realize the red flags flying on this thread about benzos and how bad the withdrawal can be. That and alcohol are the only two withdrawals that can straight up kill you.

Another point. Flush the amphetamines. You do not need them.

Look, you are at the point now where it is shit or get off the pot. Take action.