TheUltimateFixx
Bluelighter
2 days ago stuck in a dismal impersonal hotel, exhausted, hungry, lonely and disorientated, I found myself literally crying to be home.
Home 2 days, and we're already having existential arguments over a couple cans of beer.
Not even illicitly purchased, non-approved beer ; but officially offered and sanctioned as a treat on my return. But apparently one 'drinking occasion' now equals one single can. I'm like sorry that's pointless and won't give me anything.
Nope, 'we' don't do that anymore.
So I snuck back a couple empty cans in place of the ones I'd drunk already into my fridge drawer, thinking it'll basically look the same unless you got into the drawer. Well OF COURSE she got into it.
So then I got the automatic 'have you started LYING again' lecture. To which I could have replied, 'have you started SNOOPING AFTER ME again'. She says she wants me to be more open, but being open means saying flat-out, yeah I wanna down 2 litres in the space of one hour or it doesn't even do anything for me.
If she hadn't looked she'd never have known and everyone would've been happier. I feel like 'honesty' is something forced on me as some kind of moral absolute, which if I don't comply with THEN also serves as a way of moral condemnation.
... And alcohol doesn't cut it even when consumed in the desired amounts. give me some fucking opiates ; oh god give me heroin I NEED SOME HEROIN
Home 2 days, and we're already having existential arguments over a couple cans of beer.
Not even illicitly purchased, non-approved beer ; but officially offered and sanctioned as a treat on my return. But apparently one 'drinking occasion' now equals one single can. I'm like sorry that's pointless and won't give me anything.
Nope, 'we' don't do that anymore.
So I snuck back a couple empty cans in place of the ones I'd drunk already into my fridge drawer, thinking it'll basically look the same unless you got into the drawer. Well OF COURSE she got into it.
So then I got the automatic 'have you started LYING again' lecture. To which I could have replied, 'have you started SNOOPING AFTER ME again'. She says she wants me to be more open, but being open means saying flat-out, yeah I wanna down 2 litres in the space of one hour or it doesn't even do anything for me.
If she hadn't looked she'd never have known and everyone would've been happier. I feel like 'honesty' is something forced on me as some kind of moral absolute, which if I don't comply with THEN also serves as a way of moral condemnation.
... And alcohol doesn't cut it even when consumed in the desired amounts. give me some fucking opiates ; oh god give me heroin I NEED SOME HEROIN
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