Breaching my probation

As part of the conditions of my probation (which now lasts 8 months) I'm required to continue drug counselling at the city alcohol & drug service. Trouble is, I don't want to. I'm finding these counselling sessions to be an incredible waste of time. I'm not gaining anything from them. Ever since my first counsellor, who I had an awesome relationship with, left the service I haven't been able to "click" with anyone else. Plus the work that I'm doing isn't even addressing the problems of my drug addiction... it's all psychological crap relating to my mental health issues (I'm diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, with major depressive episodes).

I don't want this and I'm not ready for it. I'm a private person and I find all this mental probing and analysing to be really invasive. I entered the service expecting support and strategies to help deal with my drug problems - not all this shit. So I'm now seriously considering quitting the service. I skipped my last appointment and I don't intend on arranging another. But I know if I do this I'll be breaching my probation, which could result in anything from a warning to a fine to 3 months in prison! When I told my mum about my decision she immediately said "so you're going to quit meth all by yourself?" and I replied "well that's pretty much what I've been doing!" The drug and alcohol service ain't helping at all.

Maybe I could arrange some kind of alternative treatment with my probation officer... narcotics anonymous would suit me, cos I'd just attend the meetings without really participating. I want to quit drugs myself, with the aid of my friends and family. Not strangers. Patients do have the right to refuse treatment, so I don't see how the court can actually force someone into it. And attending treatment against my will isn't exactly going to be productive anyway. The whole thing is a fucking joke. 8)

 

I'm a private person too P. I don't blame you whatsoever for not wanting to go.

As much as it may not seem like what you want to do, I urge you to go, just so you can be done that much quicker, and I am sorry it's still going to last 8 months. That's horrible.

To pass the time by quicker, may I suggest that you create a persona that is of a fictitious character, possibly a character whose nature is hilarious?

That way you can work on your acting skills (which can be a LOT of fun!!!) and also you don't have to share even 0.01% about yourself. You can be totally someone else "in character" and you can keep your true self for yourself outside of your little "drug/alcohol service" meetings.

I'm not familiar with what you have to do personally, but I am sure it's less of a waste of time than jail time, am I right?

I am a very private person too though P, and I totally feel why this is invasive and why you're not ready for it. If someone made me go through such a thing I would drag my heels in the mud and make everyone's life a living hell for pulling my heels through the mud in the first place! But maybe not, because I'm not there I guess. It's my instinct to be a private, shy person.

Best of luck P, hope everything turns out well for you.

 

^ Good advice. Next time I see my probation officer I'll explain to him how I feel about the drug counselling and see how he responds. Attending a meeting once a week beats prison time, so if that's what the result of quitting will be I'll obviously have to continue. But you're right - I can decide what I want to reveal to the therapist, and if I feel that it's too invasive, I don't have to cooperate. Merely attending the meetings should be enough to keep probation happy.

 

What CH said, P. Fake it till ya make it :D

I've never been court-ordered into therapy, but over here in the States people get court-ordered into AA/NA all the freaking time. Usually it's over DUI or possession charges, first-timers. I think it's a violation of "separation of church and state" as 12-step programs are rarely available for atheists and agnostics (I've heard of ONE). There was a lawsuit about that over here a few years back.

A once-per-week appointment to talk about shit you really don't want to talk about is absolutely an annoyance. Creating a "character" is kind of funny. I do it with one of my girlfriends back home to get guys to fuck off at bars. I hadn't considered doing it with a shrink. Sounds lulzy :D

Do you think you might be able to switch to a therapist with whom you have a better rapport? Your PO might be able to help with that.

I'm proud of the progress you've made and you should be too. Keep it up chica

 

^ Thanks hun. I don't think I'd have much success creating a "character", although it is a good (and lulzy!) idea. Switching therapists may be an option, although resources at the drug & alcohol service are rather limited so I'm not sure if anybody else would be available. Plus it takes time for me to connect with new therapists, so it might just make the situation even more difficult.