Boyfriend cheated on me with 3 different girls. Help, I'm destroyed.

[tender lamb shank]

Xeros... Old news buddy. Your bumping of old threads is getting really weird

 

[Antecessor]

I am so hurt and angry writing this but I just found out the day after my birthday that my boyfriend cheated on me with 3 different girls. I am very upset and confused....i don't know what to do. I broke up with him yesterday but I want to take him back soooo bad. This pain is overwhelming. We have been dating for only 3 months but I've been hanging out with him almost everyday for the past 6 months so we became good close friends before we started a relationship. I just turned 20 a few days ago and my now ex-boyfriend is 19.

So to make this long story short, he confessed to me over the phone crying that he cheated on me with a really unattractive woman while he was drunk. I am told by many people that I am really pretty girl so it made me wonder why he did this with not just one but 3 very ugly disgusting girls. He told me that he was really drunk and that they went to the girl's car and she gave him a blowjob. I was torn and full of anger so I broke up with him. He has been crying for the past few days, saying that he can't eat or sleep because he knew I was going to break up with him and that he feels guilty because he was losing the best girlfriend he's ever had and that he cares about me a lot. So a few hours later I'm with my boyfriend's best friend who also my best friend and he tells me that he also cheated on me with a 15 year old probably over 200 lbs chubby girl. He had sex with her while he was drunk. So I came over my ex-bfs and confronted him, he was sitting on a chair outside his porch with a hoodie over his head crying. I kept asking him and crying "why?????" and he said i don't know, i really fucked up, i regret it so much. He said he feels like shit, and he's embarrassed because now he's known as a cheater and he cheated on me with very unattractive girls. I knew about the chubby girl but I never doubted his word when people told me that he had sex with her. He denied it and said he would never be able to have sex with her drunk or not, it's just too disgusting...he couldn't live with himself.

Well now that the truth is out, I told him to tell me everything...to stop keeping secrets. He told me that one night he slept over his friend's sarah's house with his best friend because they live about an hour away from their home. I was fully aware that he was over there and sleeping over and because he's known sarah for over 2 years and he dated her best friend for a year and I know sarah. I thought it was okay and I was away from home at the time for about 4 days. He told me that he was on her bed with her and she gave him a handjob when they were all under the influence of ecstasy. He told me he never kissed her or anything, it was strictly her hand on his penis.

I was shocked by everything I found out about him. He treated me like a princess while we were dating and I never ever questioned his infidelity. He told me that i'm the first girlfriend he's ever cheated on and that he regrets it and the he doesn't expect me to forgive him because he knows how bad he's hurt me. He kept apologizing but he told me that he's not asking for forgiveness because he knows he deserves it and that I deserve the best. That he stills cares about me and likes me a lot but he feels guilty for putting me through this. I would have never EVER thought he was cheating on me, my friends loved him as my boyfriend. He told me that he's the best girlfriend he's ever had and I'm angry because he just threw this all away. He told me that he would never cheat on me again and that he's learned his lesson.

The thing is I want him back really bad and I know things will never be the same and I will always have trust issues with him but I will work past that as long as I get to be with him. I'm crazy about him and he was such a great boyfriend to me, we never got into arguments and always had fun and appreciated each other while we were together. Some of his friends called him "whipped" and told me that he seemed like he would do anything for me. He doesn't seem like the cheating type at all, he's not even all that attractive but I can't help feeling destroyed because of this. I had many chances to cheat on my boyfriend but never did, a lot of guys find me really attractive but i don't really care that much about looks anymore. I thought we had the perfect relationship. I don't know if I should take him back or not, I need help. Please help me

There is a reason I can think of that he may have cheated, he's ugly you said..

You're good looking.

Insecurity in what he felt as a imbalance in the relationship, he made himself feel more secure through intimacy with others, to reassure himself, to make himself feel more valuable.

Of course being 19 he wouldn't have known this consciously, and so he doesn't know why he cheated.

I could be totally wrong as I only have the few words you described him with here, but it's possible.

Oh great totally didn't look at the time stamp of the op, only the last comment. Lol.


Hey op if your still around, what happened?

 

[psyfiend]

You sound almost exactly like one of my best friends, almost same age too! She got cheated on 3 times by her loser ex-bf about a year something ago. They went out for over a year though. He admitted to it.. same shit. She eventually took him back after being with another guy (I don't kno why) and took him back again.. which ended quite badly.

Long story short he treated her really badly, she regrets to this day ever taking him back just to feel loved again. I know a part of her still loves him but seriously you like her should just move on and forget. I've been cheated on once by my xgf (4.5yr relationship) and sorry to say yeah that pain never goes away I was devastated for 3 months I didn't leave my house. I ended up going out one night and meeting the girl of my dreams, I was totally in love with her and I waited 3 months for a kiss! (sadly that didn't work out in the end) but I have to admit it was one of the happiest times of my life just talking and hanging out with her.

Relationships haven't worked out so great for me either but cheaters aren't worth your time no matter what excuse they give, I'm sure you'll meet someone great

 

[psychoblast]

I say take him back. The "politically correct" thing is to be the "strong woman" and to not put up with this infidelity. However, that is bullshit. You follow your heart and it will work out. You have a way of being IN SYNC with him. If you have that, everything else can be overcome.

Some say that people never change. That is also bullshit. Some people never change. Maybe most people never change. But there are those among us, seekers of change, who are spiritually evolving as we lead our lives. When I was 21 I told the girl I was madly in love with that I feared marriage because I could not imagine ever being monogamous. Now i've been with my wife for five years, five faithful years. And it has not even been an effort, the faithfulness. I changed. I'm older. I've evolved. My wife has, too. She realizes our love is not based on sexual fidelity, and that our present society bombards young men with so many sexual images, fetishes, and the like, it screws with us, it makes us horny for LOTS of women. Manufacturers use that to sell their products, putting sex in advertising. Marketers and advertisers have twisted men up, brainwashed us. We are sick, not evil, we have a dysfunction not of our own making.

How does a loving woman manage that? She accepts it, because it is true. If the loving bond is strong enough, she may even let her man have sex with other women (swinging, orgies, sex parties, etc.) She may find she can enjoy it to.

The reason most women are so desperate for monogamy is they too have been brainwashed by Hollywood and advertisers to think if a guy does not think you are the ONE AND ONLY that you are worthless. So you think if a guy really loves you, he will not even WANT to have sex with any other woman. That is bullshit. It is especially bullshit because Hollywood has also brainwashed men to desperately crave multiple partners, sexual variety, etc. Sex sells. Or, more accuratley, SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION SELLS. In a capitalistic greedy society, the horny guy who can't get laid buys products to sublimate his sexual drive, and the women buy products to try to prop up their self esteem. Hollywood and advertisers and marketers mess with our minds to make us saps for their products. Have you seen how much useless crap people buy? They would not do that if they all had healthy sex lives.

So, what you need to do is (1) let go of the impossible and wrongheaded fantasy that a guy who love you will only want sex with you. A guy in love will STILL have a very strong sex drive toward other women (though the more often you have sex with him, the more creative you are, the more open you are to doing new things that blow his mind, the more he will be satisfied with you. My wife blows my mind on a regular basis with new stuff and while I sometimes fantasize about other women, I'm often more intrigued to see what we'll come up with next between the two of us. Kinkiness helps but does not guarantee monogamy. But sex is just sex, and infidelity is a sign of sexual dysfunction, not lack of love. (2) tell him that you will take him back but you require one thing: absolute honesty.

Imagine if he actually knew he could be honest and tell you when he wants to fuck another girl? Imagine if he could be totally honest and tell you about his fantasies that involve other women? Most women fear that if they give a guy free reign to be THAT honest, that it will come back to bite them, that the guy will just be telling them all the time "oh, she's so hot," "Oh, I want to fuck her and her and her..." But the that is your own low self-esteem talking. Because in truth, a beautiful HONEST woman who ACCEPTS male honesty is such a turn on that when you give the guy that freedom, he turns around and GIVES you adoration and maybe even monogamy after all! You actually make him more confident and secure and thoughtful with your trust and honesty and acceptance, and it will pay dividends to you.

This can work between just about any two people, but it is best when you find some one you really sync up with well. You've found that. Don't blow it.

Oh, at his age, he may also have a vision for his life tha the's been brainwashed he's a loser if he does not have at least 10 or 20 or 50 lovers befroe he settles down. Maybe he's only had a handful. Maybe he is trying to sow his oats, reach is number, so he can still be with you and not have this hang up hanging over him. This is that Hollywood brainwashing that has fucked him up and he's the victim (as are you). This is why so many couples split up, who would be perfect for each other, because the "timing was not right" and "he was not ready to settle down". Well watching 1000 sexual images a day will make it fucking hard for a young man to want to settle down! We don't even have to seek these things out, they are all around us.

The timing, the settling, it's bullshit. If you do not DEMAND that he settle, then the TIME will be RIGHT NOW. Say, "Hey, I understand we have a sick society that has intentionally shot men's sex drives an expectations into overdrive, for commercialism, and that has screwed you up, too. It's screwed me up in some diferent ways, too. Now we are all kinked up. The only way to fix this is to GET KINKY. You turn a negative into a postiive. You become swingers, do bondage, role playing (a must! if you can play other women, you can be a whole harem for him, you can be all the hundred or thousand women he thinks he needs to fuck to be a success as a man, to hold his head up high with other men.

This, in turn, actually affects how men interact with each other. Because we sense each other's self-confidence, each other's power.

There is some classic kung fu movie or story where two greatest fighters from different lands who never met were finaly brought together to battle. They strode onto the battlefield, faced one another and stared. And then one walked away and said, "I cannot beat this man." He KNEW. He could SENSE that the other man had already sized him up and was too confident, that confidence cannot be faked. The fight was over. No blow was struck.

We forget that we are animals, that we have instincts and drives. When our drives are in tune, we can win any race. Our drives in this society are very clogged. This society needs a major enema to get this clog gone. But, anyway, the point is people are telling you to give up on love, to give up on listening to your heart, to follow your head. DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU WANT TO SPIRTUALLY EVOLVE AND BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE.

Here endeth the lesson.

~psychoblast~

 

[Lysis]

Oh god. He hit this thread.

 

[captainchronic519]

I just want to tell you, from the point of view of a man who does not cheat. That's fucked up, nailin ugly chicks when hes got a pretty girl at home. I'm a bit of a drinker, and there have been plenty of opportunities to cheat while blackout drunk, but I still didn't do it. If it was just a handy jay while he was rollin on E, I would let that slide. But definitely not having sex with other women. I mean, if my chick was out rollin on E and someone fingered her, I would act pissed, but I honestly wouldn't really give a shit. I think fingers and hands while on E are excusable, cuz, you know its E.

 

[Maya]

Please do not take him back.. He has disrespected you so much already and you are only dating for three months? Girl he can do it again! Trust me on that one!

 

[llama112]

The OP hasn't been on BL for two years, I'm guessing the problem has been dealt with