I'm hoping this particular perspective will pass and that it isn't a reality. I sense it is truth.
I've come to realize that I'm the only one that can do anything about my personal life challenges and that I have to deal with them by myself. Essentially, people don't want to hear it.
I get support and can reach out to people that I have never met but I have been refraining from that. Besides, its pretty fuckin' sad that my real friends are screen names on BL and the occasional voice on the phone from long distances away.
This teaches me about personal responsibility. If I fail to do what is necessary than I am the only one to blame for the consequences. When I do manage to do what is required in the day-to-day I benefit from the results. I'm okay with this. Its simple and its something every person in existence experiences.
The perspective? Its one of loneliness. I got this... you can fuckin' bet on that, but, I sure would like to share the positive with folks regardless of their disappearances during the negatives.
I guess the positive is being shared, just not in a way that I am accustomed to.
I dunno... being aware that it is all up to me, that I gotta handle my pains without bothering folks is making me strong but it is also making me colder.
Expectations, man. They cloud my rational thought. Everyone does things in their own way. I just hate the selfishness and immediate conclusion from others that 'I got this'.
Fuck it, man. Do we really need others in our lives at a personal level? I think it is more of a 'want' than a 'need'. My responsibilities are my 'needs'. My 'wants' may happen later in this game.
Take care of shit 'now' for a better 'later'. Everything else (friendship, hobbies, fun, etc) are just extras. They'll come later.
My foundation is built and its strong. Those other things will hold strong on that cement some day. I hope I will have resolved my resentments towards others when I'm ready to build.
I've come to realize that I'm the only one that can do anything about my personal life challenges and that I have to deal with them by myself. Essentially, people don't want to hear it.
I get support and can reach out to people that I have never met but I have been refraining from that. Besides, its pretty fuckin' sad that my real friends are screen names on BL and the occasional voice on the phone from long distances away.
This teaches me about personal responsibility. If I fail to do what is necessary than I am the only one to blame for the consequences. When I do manage to do what is required in the day-to-day I benefit from the results. I'm okay with this. Its simple and its something every person in existence experiences.
The perspective? Its one of loneliness. I got this... you can fuckin' bet on that, but, I sure would like to share the positive with folks regardless of their disappearances during the negatives.
I guess the positive is being shared, just not in a way that I am accustomed to.
I dunno... being aware that it is all up to me, that I gotta handle my pains without bothering folks is making me strong but it is also making me colder.
Expectations, man. They cloud my rational thought. Everyone does things in their own way. I just hate the selfishness and immediate conclusion from others that 'I got this'.
Fuck it, man. Do we really need others in our lives at a personal level? I think it is more of a 'want' than a 'need'. My responsibilities are my 'needs'. My 'wants' may happen later in this game.
Take care of shit 'now' for a better 'later'. Everything else (friendship, hobbies, fun, etc) are just extras. They'll come later.
My foundation is built and its strong. Those other things will hold strong on that cement some day. I hope I will have resolved my resentments towards others when I'm ready to build.