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Bliss while Rolling Alone

PhoebeStar

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 14, 2000
Messages
2,135
Location
New York, NY
It had been raining earlier, so the grass felt like iced feathers underneath my bare feet. My entire world was breathtaking- and so amazingly beautiful. I felt like I was in love. with what? everything. It was my first time rolling alone.
Everyone was away.. and my favorite rolling partner had left for college. So i decided to take E alone.. i had EXCELLENT stuff (chai capsule, tested 10 supposedly) I figured I'd gain some insight into my life- like I usually do with calm, at home sessions.
Wow. it was unreal. I usually talk like crazy- letting everything out. but no one was around.. so all of this just inside me and driving me wild. but it was amazing having this wild energy inside of me.. sensual and ecstatic throbbing on every inch of my body. I spent a lot of time in my bedroom actually.. i danced a lot (ha.. with myself), played around with my strobes and glowsticks. I was dancing for about 2 hours without even realizing the time passing!! naked at one point too, for the fun of it (ow ow!) Danced to Paul Van Dyk, AP and some Omar Santana. it was like a dream. I also did those falling tricks onto my bed. i had watermelon POP ROCKS! wow. i cant even tell you... just try it sometime.
I was coming down by about 11pm (I started VERY early...) I was stretching out on my wet lawn performing my favorite hatha yoga positions and exercises. (yoga rocks on xtc comedowns!! especially with the all of the different breathing techniques!!! a MUST! im surprised no one posted on this yet) Working out my entire body- especially my arms and abdomen muscles- was better than the usual e hugs even.
I made insights on my career and direction in life. (things ive been obsessing over lately) I rediscovered my passion for art and design.. but I somehow formulated some kind of plan, as far as my career goes, to just incorporate this love into something technical and scientific. But beyond that, the pressure to "decide" is gone. I just feel a desire for learning in general.. to learn more and better myself in any way possible. i no longer burn to find some kind of "formula" for success. there never was a formula.
I confronted my feelings of inadequacy and loss- and was able to find happiness and satisfaction in the future. everything seems so bright and clear. and I'm very happy. Usually when I roll with friends I care more about their time- I want THEM to have the best night. I want THEM to be in total ecstacy (im very giving...) But after last night I felt the power of a "selfish" roll. and I had an amazing time.
I do, however, miss bonding with someone while rolling. Hugs and close bonding with someone is essential for me. They are my favorite things to experience on e. i missed the good massages too. Last time my friend had me writhing in his lap with my shirt off. I missed that far too much.
Ecstacy. my favorite drug. it helps me see the best in my life... total bliss.
Phoebe
and uh, just to add?.. i have eye twitching???? and it wont stop? when does this go away?
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Not enough ecstacy for me, not enough life, joy, kicks, darkness, music, not enough night. - Kerouac
 
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