Ugly, I still wonder why your daughter's approval of your pot smoking is so important to you? After all, it's not a daughter's role to approve of her mother. Ultimately it's none of her business, it surprises me that it offends you to such an extent. I know she's been a bitch about it but as much as you can, if it's a difference in attitude/political orientation I'd try to shrug it off. There is more to you than just a pot smoker and you're allowed to have different opinions. Of course, now she is in your house she will have to behave respectfully and keep those opinions to herself if she still holds them. Might be worth making this clear to her...
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Blers who are parents of adult children?
- Thread starter ugly
- Start date
Hi lola, the reason her attitude about me using cannabis is so much of a problem is that she blames cannabis for everything. If she gets a flat tire, cannabis did it. When I would tell her the boy was controlling her, cannabis said it. If I couldn't find my other slipper, cannabis did it. She rode me hard every chance she got about how cannabis was at fault for everything in the universe. Her boyfriend made her believe that. It was so ridiculous half the time I laughed, and she said cannabis was making it impossible for me to see that she was right.
I bought a five bedroom three bathroom home after 9/11... I wanted to have enough room for my kids to be near me in case the world was ending. (That was a scary time for us, if you remember.) I don't mind ANY of them living there. My other daughter and her husband, my son and his wife, live there now. Plus the husband and me.
With the six of us, for a year, there has been no drama.
My youngest daughter moved in like bulldozer with the expectation that I didn't remember all her insults. I and the rest of the fam think her attitude stinks and they have been talking to her, since I've been house sitting for my sister this weekend and not dealing with my youngest child at all. Maybe by the time I get home her older siblings will be able to begin de-programming her from the old boyfriends rules.
I hear what you are saying, invisible eye. It's a bitter little pill but I have to admit... you are right.
Miss_vanilla
Bluelighter
I don't think this is about your pot habit, at least I don't think that's the main issue.
You sound to me as if you love your daughter but are angry with her and I think you have a right to be. Also, your daughter should apologise for her behaviour towards you or at least acknowledge it - no point in behaving like nothing's happened, that won't solve anything. I'm of the mind that everyone has a line-cross and if people cross that line, they need to know their behaviour might be forgiven but not forgotten and sometimes things won’t ever be the same – those are the consequences of actions. Your daughter's taking you for granted and she's a grown woman, heading towards her late 20s - frankly I've never had the option of moving back home after break-ups, health problems or anything difficult since I left home, so I don't think your daughter's being treated badly, I think she's really lucky actually, especially since she's disrupting your life and those around you.
I do agree that you need to be the grown-up but so does she. She isn't a teenager after all. When you've calmed down a bit and don't feel so angry, have a chat with her about it and tell her how you feel in a reasonable, calm way then listen to her say her piece. Families often skirt around issues and don't confront them and they never get out in the open or resolved and everyone feels resentful forever.
I understand that children sometimes treat their parents badly but it's not reasonable to do this then expect your parents to suck it up, especially after being cut off for a while which must have hurt you greatly, and not acknowledging any past behaviour. I'd give anything to have a caring (yet pot smoking) mum - both my parents were .. problematic to say the least, and not remotely loving when I was growing up. Your daughter, like a lot of adult children I know, sounds fairly self-serving, maybe because she's the youngest.
I'm 28 and no kids, just thought you might see it from another viewpoint.
You sound to me as if you love your daughter but are angry with her and I think you have a right to be. Also, your daughter should apologise for her behaviour towards you or at least acknowledge it - no point in behaving like nothing's happened, that won't solve anything. I'm of the mind that everyone has a line-cross and if people cross that line, they need to know their behaviour might be forgiven but not forgotten and sometimes things won’t ever be the same – those are the consequences of actions. Your daughter's taking you for granted and she's a grown woman, heading towards her late 20s - frankly I've never had the option of moving back home after break-ups, health problems or anything difficult since I left home, so I don't think your daughter's being treated badly, I think she's really lucky actually, especially since she's disrupting your life and those around you.
I do agree that you need to be the grown-up but so does she. She isn't a teenager after all. When you've calmed down a bit and don't feel so angry, have a chat with her about it and tell her how you feel in a reasonable, calm way then listen to her say her piece. Families often skirt around issues and don't confront them and they never get out in the open or resolved and everyone feels resentful forever.
I understand that children sometimes treat their parents badly but it's not reasonable to do this then expect your parents to suck it up, especially after being cut off for a while which must have hurt you greatly, and not acknowledging any past behaviour. I'd give anything to have a caring (yet pot smoking) mum - both my parents were .. problematic to say the least, and not remotely loving when I was growing up. Your daughter, like a lot of adult children I know, sounds fairly self-serving, maybe because she's the youngest.
I'm 28 and no kids, just thought you might see it from another viewpoint.
My 29 year old daughter called me today totally upset. Our prodigal daughter ate up all my son in laws lunches for next week. (He lays tile and doesn't get a lunch break.) My prodigal daughter apologized.
I said apologized to her sister.
That is HUGE.
Maybe she IS learning!
I said apologized to her sister.
That is HUGE.
Maybe she IS learning!
I wish my parents would treat me like I'm the adult I am just like you did.
Still, you're a mother. You're a figure of a safe port, you should be glad your grown up daugther still feels that, though.
And more. You're going to be a grandmother! Maybe you need to step up one more level, and realize that as a grandmother you'll be an even
bigger 'safe port' and source of knowledge and good influence.
Also, there's no second hand smoke with cannabis in the same sense as tobacco. I am pretty sure that any pharmacist will agree on that.
Even in the same house, you can smoke in your bedroom or garage, whatever, its your house, her baby won't be born craving for weed.
Also, I didn't get it, she is anti-weed AND she smoked during her first months or pregnancy? That very strange...
Besides that... Everybody judges everybody, be it your son, be it your father, be it a stranger...
So don't judge her for that, you're over that.
Still, you're a mother. You're a figure of a safe port, you should be glad your grown up daugther still feels that, though.
And more. You're going to be a grandmother! Maybe you need to step up one more level, and realize that as a grandmother you'll be an even
bigger 'safe port' and source of knowledge and good influence.
Also, there's no second hand smoke with cannabis in the same sense as tobacco. I am pretty sure that any pharmacist will agree on that.
Even in the same house, you can smoke in your bedroom or garage, whatever, its your house, her baby won't be born craving for weed.
Also, I didn't get it, she is anti-weed AND she smoked during her first months or pregnancy? That very strange...
Besides that... Everybody judges everybody, be it your son, be it your father, be it a stranger...
So don't judge her for that, you're over that.
tricomb
Bluelight Crew
No, you are not a horrible person, you're an awesome individual. I think you'll find that most children judge their parents rather harshly and often unfairly.
If something bothers you, (mind you, I have no children and am a male) I think your totally within your right as a mother to be a roll model and show your children what's acceptable and what isn't, what's right and what's wrong.
What I'm getting at, is if you honestly feel angry at your daughter for what she did, and how she allowed some strange guy to come into her life and corrupt her image of her mother with his snobby views, then you have every right to be angry and I would defend your right to feel angry.
Especially since she does not appear to even be able to talk about it in a mature way.
augustaB
Bluelighter
Kids are constantly passing judgment on their parents.
We've got three and some grandchildren too.
They condemn you and walk out and then six months later they waltz back in asking you to make dinner for them.
They all got to learn, and so do we.
We've got three and some grandchildren too.
They condemn you and walk out and then six months later they waltz back in asking you to make dinner for them.
They all got to learn, and so do we.
Cornishman
Bluelighter
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
tricomb
Bluelight Crew
The polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons are certainly going to be a problem regardless, the key here is going to be not smoking around the baby, doesn't matter whether it's cancer sticks, cannabis, crack, meth, heroin whatever, don't do it around the kid.