threeeyedraven
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2014
- Messages
- 3
Hello,
This might be the wrong section, I feel I might get a lot of recreational users here who will just tell me about their trips but anyway.....
I was diagnosed with ADHD less than a year ago and am prescribed 70mg of Vyvanse a day. I have had hyper active, and focus issues since I was a child but only went in for a professional opinion last year. I am also prescribed 20mg a day of Adderall as an upper at the end of the day if I need to study because my body tends to metabolize some drugs very fast. So if I take the Vyvanse early and it starts wearing off lets say by 6,7,8pm I can take an Adderall if I need to do an assignment. I have pretty much all the ADHD/ADD symptoms, but some people tell me that my physical/mental reaction while on stimulants means that I do not have ADHD. I would just like to get out of the way early that even if I did not have it, I would still take Vyvanse because I suffer from EDS (Excessive Daytime Sleepiness). My doctor does not yet know what it stems from. She is not sure if it is depression or a sleep disorder. We are leaning toward a sleep disorder for lengthy reasons that I wont get into because the focus of this post is Stimulants and ADHD.
I do not use my RX everyday. I use my Vyvanse every 1-2 weeks and the Adderall rarely. The reason I do not use my Vyvanse as prescribed is because I have experiences on these stimulants that I am not sure other people with ADHD have. So let me tell you a little more about my experiences on them. (I might say some things you are adverse to, but please dont judge me. I just need educated insight. Not a scolding).
Stimulants do help me focus...kind of. I was mostly diagnosed with ADHD because I would look at a book and feel so distracted by all the words on each page, I would just not do my work because I could not focus on one sentence at a time. The meds do definitely help with this. Although they do help me focus, they make me feel so good all I literally want to do is listen to music. Many times I have been late to school or work or just not gone at all because if I went, I wouldnt be able to listen to music. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but its not. When I first take it, it gives me that energy I need for my EDS within minutes. However, after about half hour, I start feeling really good and have no self-discipline. I just want to do things I like. After about an hour there is just no fighting it. If I take one right before I leave for school or work I am fine. It does not make me want to do anything crazy or irresponsible like come back home after I have left or do inappropriate things while at work or school. Its if I take one with time to spare, that I am in trouble.
Many times I have decided not to go to work or school because all of a sudden listening to music is really important. Its something I MUST do. I am not kidding. Typical example: I will take a Vyvanse, and play some music on my laptop speakers while doing my hair or makeup. When the Vyvanse really starts kicking in, I just drop what I am doing, put in earbuds so the music sounds closer to my ears than it would with speakers, and just do whatever. I literally skip school and work because I dont want to be in a situation where I cant listen to music. Thats how badly listening to music is important to me, and how good it sounds. Unlike some I dont take it then want to go drink, hangout, etc. Its all about the music. I know stimulants typically make you feel good...but this is just weird. They dont spontaneously make people lose impulse control. People take them to focus. And this is my normal dose. Often times, I might even take lower doses than prescribed. So this is not because I am doing something I am not supposed to with my medication.
However, a few times a year I do misuse it, for studying. Please dont judge me. With studying, the medication does help me read and focus.....and the music still sounds awesome while I am focusing on HW. Then something in me says "No. The music would sound even more awesome if you werent focusing on a boring task". So then I put down my book and just listen to music while doing something leisurely. The music still sounds amazing while I am forcing myself to read.....but my desire to listen to the instrumentals and harmonies closely without interference or distraction....just the ability to really hear every single beautiful musical note, takes over and I lose self-discipline completely. I still take Vyvanse because its the only thing that can help me really focus on a large amount of reading but I usually end up doing the opposite. Eventually when exhaustion takes over, the strong desire to just sit and listen to music fades, and then I am just left with pure focus. This only happens at the very end when I have already been on Vyvanse for 12 hours or more and the sun is coming up. Its strange because its not like the reason I dont want to listen to music anymore is because the drug is wearing off. I know it is still in my system because I am able to read clearly, and work without checking my phone or surfing the net. I have trouble with this while not on ADHD medication. So the drug does help with studying for an exam or doing a large amount of reading......but only after I am getting tired and I have gotten the need to listen to an exorbitant amount of music out of my system. Please note, this is only if I am left to my own devices. At work and school while on Vyvanse I still crave listening to music but I still do what I need to do, and it helps me focus as it should. The difference is in these settings I cant just listen to music whenever I want so I focus on my tasks, as the drug is supposed to help me do. If it never helped at all and always made me weird like that, I would not be taking it.
All that being said, I still only use it about once every 1-2 weeks. Other than that, a few times a year during exams. So yes, I do misuse it during exams but I typically have hundreds of dollars worth of stimulants sitting in my drawer for months. A 30 day prescription has once almost lasted 4 months. Precisely because of this intense feeling. Yes, it feels good but I am a student and have a job. I have no desire to feel like this everyday. It does do what its supposed to do....so its not like I have it for no reason, and the only thing it does is inconvenience me with an overwhelming desire to listen to music. It wakes me up (EDS problems). Helps me focus, and minimizes jumbled thoughts (ADHD problems). The reason I even brought up the thing with my exams was not because I wanted to address very occasional mis-use, but because I wanted to demonstrate how strong the need for listening to music is. I thought it was a good example.
I know kids at school who buy Adderall to stay up all night and study....they focus on their work. They dont veg out for hours upon hours unwilling and unable to perform obligations, like me. They also are very tweaky and talkative. I am not. I am not talkative, tweaky, shaky, or bouncing off the walls. So keep that in mind if you are wondering if maybe this is happening to me because I have been misdiagnosed with ADHD. I am not saying I do or do not, I dont know. Im here for help and insight. But just keep that in mind......because from what I know of ADHD patients and brain chemistry: stimulants, stimulate a part of the brain that is under-stimulated, giving the individual with ADHD the ability to focus, and calm down. People who do not have ADHD/ADD, do not need this extra stimulation, thus become excessive with energy when they take stimulants. Which is why it makes them tweaky. I am really calm, relaxed, almost like I am on a benzo. I dont mean to insult anyone's intelligence with that, but I am new here and dont know how many of you are versed on exactly what stimulants do in the brain. Obviously I dont know everything or I would not be here! :D But I am fairly well informed on drugs and the brain....its just this issue that is perplexing to me.
Please know, that using my prescription really is the only thing that has helped me to read clearly without distraction in a really long time. When I first tried it I almost cried I was so impressed with my ability to do my work. I didnt think it was possible. I used to feel like an idiot. I used to have to read things over and over to process them. I would find myself "reading" with my book open on one page for 15 minutes only to realize I had been daydreaming the whole time, and did not process a THING. Same thing happens when people speak to me. Without even realizing it I nod my head and give signs I am paying attention but then when the person walks away I realize I havent a clue what they just said. My focus and distraction issues are really bad. So please just know that. However, all that being said I do find it troublesome that I get such an overwhelming desire to listen to music it completely obliterates my self-discipline. This is a problem. There is something wrong here, dont think I dont realize that.
As I said, once I am tired and have sat listening to music for half a day and have quenched my thirst, I can do HW properly and feel like the drug is working the way its supposed to. I am focused, without a total hippy attitude of good vibes only, and ignoring all things that bore me. Its just me with a book, reading, writing, completely myself, knowing what I have to do, and doing it. My prioritization and self-discipline is back.
What to make of all this?????
P.S- The music obsession is not new. So its not like a weird compulsion I have developed. I have always been obsessed with music. Its my first love. I have always needed to listen to music in the background with whatever I am doing. If I have a 3 minute walk to somewhere, I make sure to pop in my earbuds if only for those 3 minutes to listen to one song. Even before this drug, I could just lay down and do nothing but listen to music. But never have I ever missed school or work because I've decided listening to music for half a day is worth blowing off every single one of my responsibilities for that day.....
PPS- Please dont say ask your doctor. I want to hear what you guys have to say first. I dont want to risk my doc taking me off the only thing that helps my hyper active brain to read a 100 page assignment without thinking of 100 other things too. If you havent got anything to say, are not particularly informed, or will just tell me to ask my doctor then please just dont respond. I want this thread to be informative and insightful. And please no rude comments.
Thank you so much in advance.
This might be the wrong section, I feel I might get a lot of recreational users here who will just tell me about their trips but anyway.....
I was diagnosed with ADHD less than a year ago and am prescribed 70mg of Vyvanse a day. I have had hyper active, and focus issues since I was a child but only went in for a professional opinion last year. I am also prescribed 20mg a day of Adderall as an upper at the end of the day if I need to study because my body tends to metabolize some drugs very fast. So if I take the Vyvanse early and it starts wearing off lets say by 6,7,8pm I can take an Adderall if I need to do an assignment. I have pretty much all the ADHD/ADD symptoms, but some people tell me that my physical/mental reaction while on stimulants means that I do not have ADHD. I would just like to get out of the way early that even if I did not have it, I would still take Vyvanse because I suffer from EDS (Excessive Daytime Sleepiness). My doctor does not yet know what it stems from. She is not sure if it is depression or a sleep disorder. We are leaning toward a sleep disorder for lengthy reasons that I wont get into because the focus of this post is Stimulants and ADHD.
I do not use my RX everyday. I use my Vyvanse every 1-2 weeks and the Adderall rarely. The reason I do not use my Vyvanse as prescribed is because I have experiences on these stimulants that I am not sure other people with ADHD have. So let me tell you a little more about my experiences on them. (I might say some things you are adverse to, but please dont judge me. I just need educated insight. Not a scolding).
Stimulants do help me focus...kind of. I was mostly diagnosed with ADHD because I would look at a book and feel so distracted by all the words on each page, I would just not do my work because I could not focus on one sentence at a time. The meds do definitely help with this. Although they do help me focus, they make me feel so good all I literally want to do is listen to music. Many times I have been late to school or work or just not gone at all because if I went, I wouldnt be able to listen to music. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but its not. When I first take it, it gives me that energy I need for my EDS within minutes. However, after about half hour, I start feeling really good and have no self-discipline. I just want to do things I like. After about an hour there is just no fighting it. If I take one right before I leave for school or work I am fine. It does not make me want to do anything crazy or irresponsible like come back home after I have left or do inappropriate things while at work or school. Its if I take one with time to spare, that I am in trouble.
Many times I have decided not to go to work or school because all of a sudden listening to music is really important. Its something I MUST do. I am not kidding. Typical example: I will take a Vyvanse, and play some music on my laptop speakers while doing my hair or makeup. When the Vyvanse really starts kicking in, I just drop what I am doing, put in earbuds so the music sounds closer to my ears than it would with speakers, and just do whatever. I literally skip school and work because I dont want to be in a situation where I cant listen to music. Thats how badly listening to music is important to me, and how good it sounds. Unlike some I dont take it then want to go drink, hangout, etc. Its all about the music. I know stimulants typically make you feel good...but this is just weird. They dont spontaneously make people lose impulse control. People take them to focus. And this is my normal dose. Often times, I might even take lower doses than prescribed. So this is not because I am doing something I am not supposed to with my medication.
However, a few times a year I do misuse it, for studying. Please dont judge me. With studying, the medication does help me read and focus.....and the music still sounds awesome while I am focusing on HW. Then something in me says "No. The music would sound even more awesome if you werent focusing on a boring task". So then I put down my book and just listen to music while doing something leisurely. The music still sounds amazing while I am forcing myself to read.....but my desire to listen to the instrumentals and harmonies closely without interference or distraction....just the ability to really hear every single beautiful musical note, takes over and I lose self-discipline completely. I still take Vyvanse because its the only thing that can help me really focus on a large amount of reading but I usually end up doing the opposite. Eventually when exhaustion takes over, the strong desire to just sit and listen to music fades, and then I am just left with pure focus. This only happens at the very end when I have already been on Vyvanse for 12 hours or more and the sun is coming up. Its strange because its not like the reason I dont want to listen to music anymore is because the drug is wearing off. I know it is still in my system because I am able to read clearly, and work without checking my phone or surfing the net. I have trouble with this while not on ADHD medication. So the drug does help with studying for an exam or doing a large amount of reading......but only after I am getting tired and I have gotten the need to listen to an exorbitant amount of music out of my system. Please note, this is only if I am left to my own devices. At work and school while on Vyvanse I still crave listening to music but I still do what I need to do, and it helps me focus as it should. The difference is in these settings I cant just listen to music whenever I want so I focus on my tasks, as the drug is supposed to help me do. If it never helped at all and always made me weird like that, I would not be taking it.
All that being said, I still only use it about once every 1-2 weeks. Other than that, a few times a year during exams. So yes, I do misuse it during exams but I typically have hundreds of dollars worth of stimulants sitting in my drawer for months. A 30 day prescription has once almost lasted 4 months. Precisely because of this intense feeling. Yes, it feels good but I am a student and have a job. I have no desire to feel like this everyday. It does do what its supposed to do....so its not like I have it for no reason, and the only thing it does is inconvenience me with an overwhelming desire to listen to music. It wakes me up (EDS problems). Helps me focus, and minimizes jumbled thoughts (ADHD problems). The reason I even brought up the thing with my exams was not because I wanted to address very occasional mis-use, but because I wanted to demonstrate how strong the need for listening to music is. I thought it was a good example.
I know kids at school who buy Adderall to stay up all night and study....they focus on their work. They dont veg out for hours upon hours unwilling and unable to perform obligations, like me. They also are very tweaky and talkative. I am not. I am not talkative, tweaky, shaky, or bouncing off the walls. So keep that in mind if you are wondering if maybe this is happening to me because I have been misdiagnosed with ADHD. I am not saying I do or do not, I dont know. Im here for help and insight. But just keep that in mind......because from what I know of ADHD patients and brain chemistry: stimulants, stimulate a part of the brain that is under-stimulated, giving the individual with ADHD the ability to focus, and calm down. People who do not have ADHD/ADD, do not need this extra stimulation, thus become excessive with energy when they take stimulants. Which is why it makes them tweaky. I am really calm, relaxed, almost like I am on a benzo. I dont mean to insult anyone's intelligence with that, but I am new here and dont know how many of you are versed on exactly what stimulants do in the brain. Obviously I dont know everything or I would not be here! :D But I am fairly well informed on drugs and the brain....its just this issue that is perplexing to me.
Please know, that using my prescription really is the only thing that has helped me to read clearly without distraction in a really long time. When I first tried it I almost cried I was so impressed with my ability to do my work. I didnt think it was possible. I used to feel like an idiot. I used to have to read things over and over to process them. I would find myself "reading" with my book open on one page for 15 minutes only to realize I had been daydreaming the whole time, and did not process a THING. Same thing happens when people speak to me. Without even realizing it I nod my head and give signs I am paying attention but then when the person walks away I realize I havent a clue what they just said. My focus and distraction issues are really bad. So please just know that. However, all that being said I do find it troublesome that I get such an overwhelming desire to listen to music it completely obliterates my self-discipline. This is a problem. There is something wrong here, dont think I dont realize that.
As I said, once I am tired and have sat listening to music for half a day and have quenched my thirst, I can do HW properly and feel like the drug is working the way its supposed to. I am focused, without a total hippy attitude of good vibes only, and ignoring all things that bore me. Its just me with a book, reading, writing, completely myself, knowing what I have to do, and doing it. My prioritization and self-discipline is back.
What to make of all this?????
P.S- The music obsession is not new. So its not like a weird compulsion I have developed. I have always been obsessed with music. Its my first love. I have always needed to listen to music in the background with whatever I am doing. If I have a 3 minute walk to somewhere, I make sure to pop in my earbuds if only for those 3 minutes to listen to one song. Even before this drug, I could just lay down and do nothing but listen to music. But never have I ever missed school or work because I've decided listening to music for half a day is worth blowing off every single one of my responsibilities for that day.....
PPS- Please dont say ask your doctor. I want to hear what you guys have to say first. I dont want to risk my doc taking me off the only thing that helps my hyper active brain to read a 100 page assignment without thinking of 100 other things too. If you havent got anything to say, are not particularly informed, or will just tell me to ask my doctor then please just dont respond. I want this thread to be informative and insightful. And please no rude comments.
Thank you so much in advance.
