bi-polar

[jones-in_J]

I realized after staying up all night thinkomg about my life im definately bi-polar to the text book definition

Ive been addicted to drugs for a long time so that made it a lot harder to identifuly

Whenever i get significant periods of clean time im clearly bi-polar though... one minute im real depressed then i get really amgry amd then i feel insane happiness and euphoria... all for no reason at all

Luckily imbstarting an outpatiwnt rehab mext monday amd its at a psych place so theyll be able to look at it more. Ive been to rehabs and when asked questioms to identify if im bi polat even whem i knew the amswers would suggest that i didnt wamma believe i had any problems like that so lied to not get that diagnosis... besides thats only fucking crazy people that get those diagnosis right??

Well im pretty fucking crazy. And pretty fucking bi polar it seems. I could go into specific instamces of my life that show it but i dont feel like it right now at 350am. But it is keeping me up thinkomg about it

Not looking for spathy by any means lol btw... dunno what im looking for. But ive just now realized its blatently truevand had to put it somewhere i guess :/

 

[sconnie420]

your not alone friend, i have an apt in about 2 weeks for the same thing...guess we're both crazy.. keep ur head up bud!

 

[jones-in_J]

Glad im not in it alone, though sorry youre going thru it too :/ we should keep in touch thru this thread and update on what happens at our appointments/with meds..

Im considering not taking any meds till im off opiates completelt though... yesterday was my first day clean and so its been about 50 some hours since my last shot of heroin... i know im done this time, even told my dealer to fuck himself... im tapering down with suboxone over the next week and want to be off it and over withdrawals before putting anything else in my body you know??

Honestly im scared to take any kind of psych meds some of them can have crazy effects... the main thing i think im gonna shoot for getting this is a very very low dose of seroquel like 25mg (which ill break in half at first just to see what its like)... ive been reading a lot on it and actually took it once and know how much it helps with sleep.

Actually maybe ill just try to get it when i go to the doc monday so i have something to knock me out once im done taking suboxone you know?? I don't go crazy that often so i think ill def take it on an "as needed" basis

I dont know though man, ive changed a lot since when i was clean 3 years ago. At that timw i lived alone hy myself in a different state and wanted nothing to do with antone... i was really mad a lot of the time or really halpy or really sad... but then i started doing drugs again and then got clean again for about one year up until the lasy few months

The more recent time getting clean i was entirely different and hace become a real people person, its mainly when im by myself that i have problems within my head... i get anxious in social situations with a lot of people or when i dont know people but not to any extreme so i don't think theres an abnormality there... i dunno man now im starting to think this may mean im not bi polar....

Who the fuck knows. Guess ill see what the doc has tobsay on monday..

 

[DooMMooD]

I just want to say bipolar disorder is not minute to minute mood swings.

Bipolar disorder is decent periods of time of depression interrupted by periods of time of mania, or elevated mood. Its not like one minute your happy the next minute your sad the next minute your laughing.

So like, you'll go 3 months depressed as shit, unable to get out of your bed, wanting the world to end. Then you'll go another 3 months running around, starting a billion projects, like you have rocket fuel in your tank.

That is manic depression, aka bipolar disorder.

 

[herbavore]

Hi sconnie and jones-in! I am glad that you are going to be able to talk to somebody soon about the diagnosis. Bipolar disorder really exists on a continuum of severity and also has many variations (rapid cycling, depression dominant , mania dominant etc.) so it will be very good to talk with someone about your particular experience with it. One of the best things happening right now is a grassroots movement among people with BP to change the way they are typically medicated. Getting to know your triggers and learning to avoid them, good nutrition and exercise, and other non-drug therapies like CBT and Mindfulness are all playing a huge part in lessening the need for medications. You won't hear about this from psychiatrists so you have to search on your own both online and asking about non-drug therapies at the clinic you go to.

I am going to leave this thread like it is for a few days and then merge it with the Bipolar Megathread where you will find lots more posts about other people's experiences. Good luck to both of you. And remember this--being "crazy" in this society is often a very sane response! When it makes you miserable or out of control of your own thought processes it's a problem. Like any problem, it just needs addressing and then you can figure out adaptations that work for you.

 

[jones-in_J]

I just want to say bipolar disorder is not minute to minute mood swings.

Bipolar disorder is decent periods of time of depression interrupted by periods of time of mania, or elevated mood. Its not like one minute your happy the next minute your sad the next minute your laughing.

So like, you'll go 3 months depressed as shit, unable to get out of your bed, wanting the world to end. Then you'll go another 3 months running around, starting a billion projects, like you have rocket fuel in your tank.

That is manic depression, aka bipolar disorder.

Yea dude ive definately experienced it exactly as you said in this post too... mainly in my most recent year clean.. at first was really unhappy for the first 3 months tjen the next 9 months all i did was work 60-70 hours a week and like you said i worked like a fucking crazy person

:/

 

[sconnie420]

We can most definitely keep in touch, add me if u like.. I'm a good listener also, so if u ever need 2 vent, I'm here... We're in very similar situations.. Best of luck, keep us/me posted..

 

[Hazey420]

I am there with you I was diagnosed with Bi-polar in my late 20s, I dont really have any mania episodes, well once, and I took care of that. I have mood swings and Anger lots and lots of anger I can argue for sport and win. My anger comes out in a wave that washes over me and makes me this different person that I dont like but that person is there to protect what I have left inside myself and my heart.That is the only way I can describe it. I hate it. Where would the world be without us genetically skewed people.

 

[JJ-180]

I'm now 54 and have been living with a bipolar disorder for as long as I can remember. I'm at the depressive end of the spectrum which means I don't even get many of the fun hypermanic episodes in comparison to the number of crippling depressive episodes.
I just want people to realise that this condition can be managed though,learning to spot episodes and getting help as soon as you identify them is key.Bipolar disorder is not the end of the world(although, believe me, sometimes it feels like it), it's not pleasant and can be severely disabling like any chronic health condition.

 

[webbykevin]

one minute im real depressed then i get really amgry amd then i feel insane happiness and euphoria... all for no reason at all

Those are called emotions, they happen to everyone, there is nothing wrong with you, I wish people would stop believing the pharmaceutical company's spin, they have turned every single normal condition into something that requires their expensive drugs just by giving things a fancy name and diagnosis.

Seriously, no wonder people are so fucked up, it gives everyone an out, a reason to play the poor little me I'm sick game.

 

[jones-in_J]

Those are called emotions, they happen to everyone, there is nothing wrong with you, I wish people would stop believing the pharmaceutical company's spin, they have turned every single normal condition into something that requires their expensive drugs just by giving things a fancy name and diagnosis.

Seriously, no wonder people are so fucked up, it gives everyone an out, a reason to play the poor little me I'm sick game.

Yea after making this thread ive thought about it i dont think im bi-polar anymore i dont think

But im still kind of crazy sometimes lol. Who knows fuck it

 

[stardust.hero]

I was just talking with my significant other the other day about this. About my issues that I know I currently have. I think these diseases/problems/disorders people have and are diagnosed with can come and go. It's not a life long thing in my opinion. I think there are certain things in life that bring out these disorders that are natural born into us.

If the disorder is inhibiting your perfomance on a daily basis I would look into treatment. The treatment can be enough to get you through whatever the root cause actually is and by that point you can hopefully discontinue the treatment.

If it's not interfering too drastically but you are noticing tendencies, know that it is normal. I think these "disorders" people are diagnosed with: anxiety, depression, bipolar, multi personality, etc can be temporary or in some cases permanant depending on the person and their history and the root cause.

Much love bud

 

[paranoid android]

I just want to say bipolar disorder is not minute to minute mood swings.

Bipolar disorder is decent periods of time of depression interrupted by periods of time of mania, or elevated mood. Its not like one minute your happy the next minute your sad the next minute your laughing.

So like, you'll go 3 months depressed as shit, unable to get out of your bed, wanting the world to end. Then you'll go another 3 months running around, starting a billion projects, like you have rocket fuel in your tank.

That is manic depression, aka bipolar disorder.

Unless you have rapid cycling bipolar or ultra rapid cycling bipolar like i do. You can literally be in the cheeriest of moods one minute then you can feel yourself going down what i call the black pit. Usually i go from manic, to depressed to mixed state and i can go through all these moods in the manner of a day if i am not medicated or medicated properly. Thank fucking god for lamotrigine as it has really really helped with the rapid cycling more then any other medication i have taken. I do get long episodes of depression and hypomania and full blown mania as well though. It's so lovely to want to kill yourself but not have the energy to even plan it out for about 6 months 8( . Equally as lovely as going around like someone constantly on some weird fucked up stimulant that does not wear off for months on end and then realize you spent all your money on absolute bullshit.

To the OP if you are actually diagnosed as having bipolar i would suggest taking whatever medications you are prescribed. Yes the side effects of some mood stabilizers/anti-manic drugs as well as anti-psychotics can look damn right scary but many people get no side effects or very little from their medication. As a example i take lamotrigine, seroquel, bupropion and clonazepam as a cocktail to help with my bipolar. The only side effects i really get are awful dry mouth hence why i always have a water bottle wherever i go and increased sensitivity to both the sun and heat. I always burned fast but now 20 minutes in 25C sun will make me start to tan enough to notice atleast abit. I have to drink alot more water now as well due to the dry mouth and increased sensitivity to heat which makes me sweat. But all that is a very small price to pay for not having moods all over the place and to not feel like I'm going crazy all the time.