King-Anubis
Bluelighter
Hey,
This is going to sound an odd question, but whats the best way to meet people in a major city such as London? I've been finding it paradoxically hard, despite there being millions of people within a dozen miles of me! 8(
A little background (AKA the long version):
I (18yo, Male) spent the majority of my life living in small towns in the south west of England. Coming from a military family I moved around a lot and never really settled anywhere long enough to call 'home'. In small towns there is very few 'options' when it comes to dating. Most people meet their partners at school or college, and for most of my teenage years I stayed out of it because of my health. Once I had recovered though I didn't really find anyone, out of the dozen or so people I knew well, worth dating, so I decided just to wait it out knowing I had plenty of time in the future.
Six months ago a managed to obtain a position at the University of London - I was ecstatic, but not because I was happy to get a place, but rather because it would be a huge opportunity to meet new people. I thought to myself "I can't fail to find a partner in a city of eight million!" and sure enough when I arrived I threw myself into university life. I got to know more people in a week then I had done in the past five years in the south west. I quickly settled into a social group and made many good friends, but I never really 'clicked' with anyone. Many did, but not me. It's not that I wasn't trying, things just never worked out. Often people found out about my health and then distanced themselves - but it's the sort of thing I wouldn't feel comfortable hiding in a relationship. To me, if they can't accept I was once psychotic, and that I could possibly relapse in the future, then they are probably not right for me.
Time went by, and I began to feel strangely lonely. London is weird like that. Once I had 'exhausted' all the typical avenues of meeting people (university gatherings, societies, lectures, etc) I was somewhat stuck. I felt somewhat stupid - how could I be struggling to meet people in a city this size? So I started going out to cafes to write (as I work freelance) but nothing ever came of it. Again, it's not that I didn't try - I'm just terrible at flirting and showing affection, not that I really had to chance to. I wouldn't say I'm overly shy either, I just find it impossible to make first contact - which is somewhat problematic as a guy. I'll be completely silent until someone says something simple like 'Hi', then I become like anyone else. It doesn't matter what they say, as soon as it happens something clicks within me and it turns them from 'stranger' into 'friend' and I open up, no matter who they are. Friends often joke that I would happily befriend a serial child killer and not bat an eyelid about his actions for as long as they didn't cause me or any loved ones any harm.
Regardless, I've recently turned to the internet in my search for a partner. I figured I'm more likely to find someone like me here, someone more accepting. It's also a lot easier on me, as I'm far better talking through a computer, or via text on a mobile, initially then I am in person. The 'first contact' thing still is problematic though. I also refuse to use dating websites because it feels too much like I'm 'shopping' for someone. When using them I tend not to care who they are, but what they look like, and that feels wrong. I've unexpectedly fallen in love with people I initially disregarded before, so I'm not too fond of judging people immediately. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true.
Despite this I'm not desperate - I know I'm still young at 18, and have plenty of time left to work something out - but y'know... slightly tired of being alone when everyone else isn't. For that reason I've finally decided to get 'out there' more when I return to London in the new year. I've been telling myself that I would since I was 14, but this time I'm set on it. I just need a little help finding where 'there' is. Cafes and Clubs have been done (I don't mind clubbing, but it never leads to anything meaningful). I was thinking about classes, but they tend to be a little too expensive, and I prefer to save what money I can for day's out with people.
So yeah, any help would be greatly appreciated!
This is going to sound an odd question, but whats the best way to meet people in a major city such as London? I've been finding it paradoxically hard, despite there being millions of people within a dozen miles of me! 8(
A little background (AKA the long version):
I (18yo, Male) spent the majority of my life living in small towns in the south west of England. Coming from a military family I moved around a lot and never really settled anywhere long enough to call 'home'. In small towns there is very few 'options' when it comes to dating. Most people meet their partners at school or college, and for most of my teenage years I stayed out of it because of my health. Once I had recovered though I didn't really find anyone, out of the dozen or so people I knew well, worth dating, so I decided just to wait it out knowing I had plenty of time in the future.
Six months ago a managed to obtain a position at the University of London - I was ecstatic, but not because I was happy to get a place, but rather because it would be a huge opportunity to meet new people. I thought to myself "I can't fail to find a partner in a city of eight million!" and sure enough when I arrived I threw myself into university life. I got to know more people in a week then I had done in the past five years in the south west. I quickly settled into a social group and made many good friends, but I never really 'clicked' with anyone. Many did, but not me. It's not that I wasn't trying, things just never worked out. Often people found out about my health and then distanced themselves - but it's the sort of thing I wouldn't feel comfortable hiding in a relationship. To me, if they can't accept I was once psychotic, and that I could possibly relapse in the future, then they are probably not right for me.
Time went by, and I began to feel strangely lonely. London is weird like that. Once I had 'exhausted' all the typical avenues of meeting people (university gatherings, societies, lectures, etc) I was somewhat stuck. I felt somewhat stupid - how could I be struggling to meet people in a city this size? So I started going out to cafes to write (as I work freelance) but nothing ever came of it. Again, it's not that I didn't try - I'm just terrible at flirting and showing affection, not that I really had to chance to. I wouldn't say I'm overly shy either, I just find it impossible to make first contact - which is somewhat problematic as a guy. I'll be completely silent until someone says something simple like 'Hi', then I become like anyone else. It doesn't matter what they say, as soon as it happens something clicks within me and it turns them from 'stranger' into 'friend' and I open up, no matter who they are. Friends often joke that I would happily befriend a serial child killer and not bat an eyelid about his actions for as long as they didn't cause me or any loved ones any harm.
Regardless, I've recently turned to the internet in my search for a partner. I figured I'm more likely to find someone like me here, someone more accepting. It's also a lot easier on me, as I'm far better talking through a computer, or via text on a mobile, initially then I am in person. The 'first contact' thing still is problematic though. I also refuse to use dating websites because it feels too much like I'm 'shopping' for someone. When using them I tend not to care who they are, but what they look like, and that feels wrong. I've unexpectedly fallen in love with people I initially disregarded before, so I'm not too fond of judging people immediately. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true.
Despite this I'm not desperate - I know I'm still young at 18, and have plenty of time left to work something out - but y'know... slightly tired of being alone when everyone else isn't. For that reason I've finally decided to get 'out there' more when I return to London in the new year. I've been telling myself that I would since I was 14, but this time I'm set on it. I just need a little help finding where 'there' is. Cafes and Clubs have been done (I don't mind clubbing, but it never leads to anything meaningful). I was thinking about classes, but they tend to be a little too expensive, and I prefer to save what money I can for day's out with people.
So yeah, any help would be greatly appreciated!
Either way, as it sounds like y'all study at UoL perhaps I'll see you around - certainly nice to know I'm not the only one having this problem.
