Benzos Benzos, Pregabalin, Ketamine. Subutex, cocktails. My life and how i'm going out like this, can't find another way...

[boomhs]

Hei... I'm Pedro, not Mexican, Europe Mediterranean. Here's my life.

Long ago in years far away i smoked joints of regular weed... 3 times. from 1 to 3 increasing I had disassotiacion feelings, like cognitive functions wacked out, mentally felt "in and out" of "who i am, what i am, what is... life?". Slept. Woke up, symptoms remained somehow.
I was 14. Am 30. Life wrecked. Highschool was zombie like, not going out at nights (i was a precocious af). Stopped leaving home, stopped eating, bang committed to a good psych ward. Diazepam+Anafranil IV during 2 weeks i slept.

IMPORTANT, forgot: The unluck is such Efexor\Anafranil act on my "condition". Once the doc Joined both after a summer where i was in a beach house dead inside at 21yo. I started feeling weird... Distant, confused, crashed on floor and had spasms (according to mom). Had to stop both. 1 month after i wouldn't leave bed due to depressed state, got committed, Got again IV Anafranil..................................................................................... I wish dr House was real and would fken click this pseudo epileptic undiagnosed THINGY outta me.

Life after was hard. I was happy some time... some vacations... Yet all drank a few beers i drank 'till almost passing out... Then kept drinking... enrolled into film school with a whisky bottle in my backback daily (Now i smell whisky and puke). Result college dropout. Failure irl. Family dissapointed. Parents copped, sad. Tried dillies. Oxy. Heroin (all through Dark Web).
Realized i can't go into foreverness in a feel good haze of opioids\ates for € (i'm not poor tho, still lol) and for after some months of bliss ending up either killing myself (can't, would wreck family, wish i could), so would wind up in some Rehab.

Without... anything. I wake up. Feel sad. Feel so sad i need something, grab 3 beers. Then more. Then at night ask dad for wine. That's no life.

Enter Subutex. Some doc got me 2mg prescription warning "don't overdo". Well i was alive again. Used abused, got a gf, vacations. Ended up having to quit it. Still take it (tard psych is just my drug dealer, and is top country psych, but he knows(knew) w\o subutex i'd HAVE to drink. So he keeps me on it. I have shitload resistence but i guess helps in the cocktail.

Important P.S. announcement: I do not sleep. My fried head ended up revealing epilepsy traces. REM increased, atm all my nighttime is REM (nightmares to go insane). This is dr. House shit, but my psych is an idiot, would only put me on a sleep overnight exam if i dropped ALL PILLS. Fuck him piece of shit, if WITH benzos my REM is 95% isn't it fucking ALARMING?... Well hence before bed i drown in benzos

Enter pills which i've learnt and dealt with for years. Before bed i'm like:____ 2mg Xanax XR, 2x1mg Xanax regular, 30mg Diazepam. Now got my hands on Clonazepam, crushing and sublingual is GREAT. And from my granny got 75mg Pregabalin which i've done, and i know with Clonazepam is a buzz.

Problem: Depression Major is still here. So i got to know Ketamine (google "why Ketamine is the greatest drug on earth"-Vice Article). Or youtube it. So i got some grams... Went to the K-Hole... Now realized life is good just taking bits along the day (it's rly short action). Darkweb market down i'm almost out, oh well

Any input i'd thank. Ty bros. Bluelighter since 2010.

Edit: PS along the way lost all all friends, family same aged cousins... Am lonely child..

 

[negrogesic]

Hey pedro, can you clarify what you are asking? I am not sure what your question is unfortunately...

 

[boomhs]

Hey pedro, can you clarify what you are asking? I am not sure what your question is unfortunately...

Can I live in my cocktail for some months\years or will i always need more and more due to resistance? I guess i wonder that...

Will i end up on crazy dosages then be committed and, well kms because i can't detox... ever... Just for the "partial epilepsy unidentified" i need Valiums...

IMPORTANT, forgot: The unluck is such Efexor\Anafranil act on my "condition". Once the doc Joined both after a summer where i was in a beach house dead inside at 21yo. I started feeling weird... Distant, confused, crashed on floor and had spasms (according to mom). Had to stop both. 1 month after i wouldn't leave bed due to depressed state, got committed, Got again IV Anafranil........... It's all cause of this "condition" that fucking TAC\MRI machines don't see...... oh god i lost my life.....

So i guess i need to drop Anafranil if possible, it's bad for me. Maybe with this new Nasal S-Keta treatment i could... i'd stop a shitty chemical that's in my blood for 13 years...
Fuck i need a Neurologist... I need Dr House...

 

[Swim15]

I’d suggest getting some actual help and not just shoving loads of drugs in your body that will probably make things worse.

Taking K throughout the day is also a terrible way to use it. I’ve been using it for depression but it works worlds better with increased estrogen. Additionally, R or racemic works much better than the S-isomer. Also look at clinical dosing because IME, daily dosing like that would be a waste

 

[boomhs]

I’d suggest getting some actual help and not just shoving loads of drugs in your body that will probably make things worse.

Taking K throughout the day is also a terrible way to use it. I’ve been using it for depression but it works worlds better with increased estrogen. Additionally, R or racemic works much better than the S-isomer. Also look at clinical dosing because IME, daily dosing like that would be a waste

Thanks a lot! But man can you... translate it for me... If i go by google i'll end up confused.

Btw i wouldn't even mind to take that post to my psych and tell him, Do this. If he got it...

In January ima start the Keta taking in Hosp once a week (nasal not IV, no idea how nasal works making me feel good for a week...) In that time can i take my own keta? Or is it dangerous to be on Keta treatment and well.. snorting your own?

Thanks man.

 

[boomhs]

Sad bump of hope

 

[Jebcity]

You're taking copious amounts of different benzos while drinking. That is very dangerous. The short answer is no, you cannot keep this up without tolerance increasing. It will likely increase quickly.

 

[boomhs]

You're taking copious amounts of different benzos while drinking. That is very dangerous. The short answer is no, you cannot keep this up without tolerance increasing. It will likely increase quickly.

Sry you didn't really read the post. That was years ago, i did it and done. I'm a substance graduate now, i wish those were my problems