I am prescribed 5 x 2mg day (10 mg daily) of alprazolam/XANAX, and I have been on them for three years. It has now reached breaking point after moving towns and leaving my lovely psych who would write 150 tabs with 2 repeats, to GP's refusing me my medication and me ending up at the Emergency Rooms after getting to the point I was having chest pain, could not stand light, migraines, tremours, and not being able to walk. Not to mention the unbarable psychological state where I just wanted to die.
Keep in mind, while I am am writing I am still struggling with this, and it's hard to put it all in perspective but will do my best.
The Good:
Being diagnosed with anxiety and Bipolar 1, i was having a hard time. I was first given alprazolam .25mg, and wow! All my flight or fight response had gone and my adrenal gland seemed to relax.
Alprazolam are fast acting, but have a short lifespan of 4 hours ( and a short half life) , so they are the most potant but the best when a panic attack is imminent.
The Bad:
The are Awesome for something to keep handy if you have underlying issues like panic and anxiety, but soooo not good for long term use on high dosages. I have only just learnt this the hard way, and I blame the above mentioned psych who put me ont he maximum dose and left me there knowing at some time or rather they would stop working. And legally, they canot prescribe more than 10mg a day. I have now gt to the stage where late last year I consumed a whole 50 2mg tabs, and I was rushing around like I was on cloud nine. This was not the desired effect. I realise then they are never going to work properly for me again, and knew it was time to taper.
The FUCKING UGLY:
Now the worst part...living without them.....
Now that I have been caught with too many authority scripts, I have found an understanding dr who is privately precribing me untill my new Private psych on the 16th of this month. Due to them causing me seizures, giving me psychosis at one point, the reccommendation was to go to rehab. Unfortunately, I cant afford a lengthy private hospital stay, and the only other unit that is able to take me in a 10-12 day detox centre(switching to valium and reducing off that) which does not allow visitors, smoking, and being stuck in a ward with who knows?? I really want to do this as an outpatient, but now as I have tapered down due to not being able to get more..i dont think I am able to do this alone. I am thinking now my only option is inpatient....but I will waait it out untill the 16th I hope...
arrghhhh....Did I mention the Diorhhea, vomiting, mouth filling up with syliva, insomina, and twitching muscles in your face that you never knew you had????
It really is FUCKING UGLY, and being an ex heroin addict and been on methadone and come off that successfully, I can tell you this is a whole nother bal;l park and a very dangerous one!!!
