My story is a long and confusing one. I'll try to keep the necessary details in here. I also understand that what I have done, and what I am doing goes against recommended advice, both by doctors, and by people who know exactly what they're talking about. Trust me, I am on your guys' side, I believe a slow taper is the best way to do things, I did not have that luxury.
March of this year is when my heavy "use" began. Before this I used to take klonopin on and off, once a week maybe, truly "as needed". My addiction began with a huge dose and a fear of withdrawling from that dose. When I used to take klonopin, everyone knew it the next day, even a half a mg or a whole mg, I would be cranky, irritable, generally just feeling like shit, it was my counter-balance to keep me from becoming the addict I am/was. Unfortunately I realized I wouldn't feel like a complete zombie if I just took some when I woke up, thus beginning the vicious circle. To make the long story shorter, over the next 6 months I would take as much as 8 mg a day and as little as none for 2-4 days straight if we were running out. Beginning in late june/july I started to taper myself off, rapidly. Now by a taper here's what happened, over the course of a week I took 2 mg daily and then after that, as small a piece of a pill as possible just to keep the ocean out of my head.
This is where I thought I was on top of the world, "Look ma' I'm sober!". Within the next few days we had completely run out of klonopin and thought we were going to be perfectly fine. I start thinking about whats going to actually happen knowing the withdrawl isn't truly over, while I'm thinking about this, I get a little dizzy and thats all I remember. I wake up with my wife screaming and crying hysterically, I feel fine, albiet I can't see, everything sounds like it's in a tunnel, and I had such bad amnesia I couldn't even remember my wifes name for 10 seconds. Apparently I had just dropped to the ground seizing, at this point I still couldn't even believe my wife. I was unbelievably lucky, I could have been doing anything, driving, crossing the damn street, walking down the stairs, I cracked my head on the cement outside, I'm lucky I didn't cause any damage just from that, nobody was around when I dropped. After this we both agreed it was time to stop trying to be superman and to get back on a low dose .
Flash forward to present day, I've been on a low dose for about 2 - 21/2 months and it's getting bad.
The best way to explain it is I feel numb, head to toe, inside and out and I don't know what to do anymore. I'll burst out crying over things that barely even make sense and I can sit there emotionless over the death of a family member. My wife has been wondering why I've been acting more and more "retarded" lately and the only thing I can really attribute it to is the withdrawl.
Has anyone come off of benzos like this? Is there any advantage to my "almost cold turkey" method in terms of time for your receptors to rebalance or am I just putting my system in such shock that it is going to make it much worse in the end.
March of this year is when my heavy "use" began. Before this I used to take klonopin on and off, once a week maybe, truly "as needed". My addiction began with a huge dose and a fear of withdrawling from that dose. When I used to take klonopin, everyone knew it the next day, even a half a mg or a whole mg, I would be cranky, irritable, generally just feeling like shit, it was my counter-balance to keep me from becoming the addict I am/was. Unfortunately I realized I wouldn't feel like a complete zombie if I just took some when I woke up, thus beginning the vicious circle. To make the long story shorter, over the next 6 months I would take as much as 8 mg a day and as little as none for 2-4 days straight if we were running out. Beginning in late june/july I started to taper myself off, rapidly. Now by a taper here's what happened, over the course of a week I took 2 mg daily and then after that, as small a piece of a pill as possible just to keep the ocean out of my head.
This is where I thought I was on top of the world, "Look ma' I'm sober!". Within the next few days we had completely run out of klonopin and thought we were going to be perfectly fine. I start thinking about whats going to actually happen knowing the withdrawl isn't truly over, while I'm thinking about this, I get a little dizzy and thats all I remember. I wake up with my wife screaming and crying hysterically, I feel fine, albiet I can't see, everything sounds like it's in a tunnel, and I had such bad amnesia I couldn't even remember my wifes name for 10 seconds. Apparently I had just dropped to the ground seizing, at this point I still couldn't even believe my wife. I was unbelievably lucky, I could have been doing anything, driving, crossing the damn street, walking down the stairs, I cracked my head on the cement outside, I'm lucky I didn't cause any damage just from that, nobody was around when I dropped. After this we both agreed it was time to stop trying to be superman and to get back on a low dose .
Flash forward to present day, I've been on a low dose for about 2 - 21/2 months and it's getting bad.
The best way to explain it is I feel numb, head to toe, inside and out and I don't know what to do anymore. I'll burst out crying over things that barely even make sense and I can sit there emotionless over the death of a family member. My wife has been wondering why I've been acting more and more "retarded" lately and the only thing I can really attribute it to is the withdrawl.
Has anyone come off of benzos like this? Is there any advantage to my "almost cold turkey" method in terms of time for your receptors to rebalance or am I just putting my system in such shock that it is going to make it much worse in the end.
