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Benzo withdrawal - what to do if it never ends?

B

burn out

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2006
Messages
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Location
Michigan
Long story short I took ~ 4 mgs xanax a day for a year and a half and tapered off over 6 months. That was 21 months ago that I took the last dose and my brain is still completely fucked.

I developed these symptoms while tapering and they have not gone away or improved much.

- extreme dysphoria
- anhedonia
- inability to feel positive emotions
- severe emotional problems
- ringing in my ears
- chronic fatigue
- severe cognitive impairment (this has improved a fair amount but, I guess it's not so severe any more)

and more....

anyway, living each day for the past couple of years has been incredibly painful and taken tremendous effort. however i always kept going because I thought it would getter over time. that doesn't seem to be happening.

i always told myself i would commit suicide if i didn't get better because living like this seems inconceivable. however, i really don't want to commit suicide. i just dont know what else to do. the only other thing i can think of doing is trying to get on disability and hiding from the world from the rest of my life.

i have been using heroin every third day for the pain and it barely even helps. that's how bad i am. even large doses of heroin do not stop the pain or even help it that much.
 
sorry man. I guess the first answer is to give it more time because some people do heal after longer amounts of time, so you certainly shouldn't give up yet.

what kind of emotional problems have you been having?

if you can get the documentation from the doctor maybe getting on disability wouldn't be so bad until you are feeling better. it is a long process though. are you still working now?

if you ever get to the point of actually killing yourself, I would try dosing with psychs first. since that isn't guaranteed to help though I'd save it as a last resort.
 
Hey Mr. Burn Out,

Please don't give up just yet.
I have done extensive research into the recovery process from MDMA, Meth, and SSRIs.

I have found that many people recover around the one year mark. Most will be fine by 2 years. But there seems to be another group that takes 3-4 years.

Strangely, many of them report sudden progress during the 3rd year.
You have to remember that the brain doesn't recover in the time that we experience life in. Brain injury survivors are told that it is a life-long process.
They are also told to exercise. A lot.

I have, and it has made all the difference in the world. I thought I couldn't even control my muscles, but I forced it. Sure enough, every night brought relief. After a week, I would feel euphoric from it.

Even if you don't achieve this level of relief, exercise does several very good things:

First, it speed up metabolism. This is like speeding up time!

Second, it increases blood flow to the brain. Eventually, new capillaries sprout in response! Cardio is the most effective for this, but it takes a few months.

Third, it improves the distribution of many neurotransmitters....like dopamine and serotonin. Weight lifting gives the biggest dopamine rush!

Finally, it increases a protein known as BDNF, or Brain Derived Neutrophic Factor. This protein stimulates the release of stem cells into three key areas of the brain: the hippocampus, the basal forebrain, and the cortex. This is proven, not just theory!

So, no matter what it takes, no matter how impossible it is....do ten to twenty minutes every day. No exceptions. I can almost guarantee results!

Lay off the Heroin. It will down-regulate your dopamine receptors even more. This is likely the cause of your problem in the first place. I promise, no suffering has been wasted, brother.

You are past the worse of it already. :)
 
villian said:
sorry man. I guess the first answer is to give it more time because some people do heal after longer amounts of time, so you certainly shouldn't give up yet.

what kind of emotional problems have you been having?

if you can get the documentation from the doctor maybe getting on disability wouldn't be so bad until you are feeling better. it is a long process though. are you still working now?

if you ever get to the point of actually killing yourself, I would try dosing with psychs first. since that isn't guaranteed to help though I'd save it as a last resort.
Click to expand...


I have already been dosing with psychedelics and I am planning to try LSD in the next few weeks. Tripping can help me to feel less suicidal for a few days but the the suicidal thoughts return as it becomes apparent that my life is just hell.

as for my emotional problems, well benzos destroyed my self confidence and caused me to have horrible mood swings. for instance, if something goes wrong i will get into a very negative mood over it. then it can take hours or even days to get out of tht negative mood. basically, i feel like i have the emotional maturity level of a small child.
 
Perhaps try some sort of recovery program? There's loads out there. I do na and I hear so many people say they had periods of abstinence but still felt the same emotional problems and it is only when they started to work some sort of a program that they started to get better and become comfortable. It may work it may not, but what's the worst that could happen?

In regards to acid I would be really careful as generally tripping will bring out an intesified version of what is going on for you. And the place you are at now in my opinion I don't think doing lsd would serve you any positive purpose. Who knows though?

I feel for you man. I really do. I felt for ages that I had 'damaged' myself beyond repair with my extreme drug use in my late teens and then really my subsequent various downer addiction was a way of dealing with this. I do believe now that I never caused any irrepairable damage and I actually feel OK these days, it may well be the 10 months abstinence but I have a massive massive feeling the recovery program I am working has had a huge effect.

:) <3
 
I would have a very hard time with a recovery program because I am often not feeling well enough to go the meetings. I feel like those things like NA are more geared toward people who are having problems stopping their use of drugs or suffering cravings. I have no cravings for benzos, I just have brain damage from excessive use. I also think NA would frown upon my use of other drugs like heroin, ketamine etc but I have no desire to stop using those entirely at this point.
 
Your suffering will end.
I know people from the benzo support forums like the.trap.org.uk.
Many many have had long periods like yours, and they recover fully.
I'm mid taper with my benzos and I fully understand how you are feeling psychogicaly and emotionally cos I am too.
 
Damn man. It just fucking sucks that you are still having to deal with a down-regulated GABA system. But, it is good that you are sharing it with bluelight, because you just might convince someone to not develop a dependency to benzodiazepines. If this doesn't scare the living shit out of someone, nothing will. I don't think many people can comprehend a withdrawal syndrome that can last years. I am very lucky, because mine only lasted months (aside from anhedonia). Hope you feel better soon man.
 
Is your anhedonia still plaguing you? Also with the length your taper was, I think you could count your withdrawal as lasting for years or a year. You were just able to lesson some of the pain by titrating.
 
Ah, it comes and it goes, but now, with months of daily kratom use, it's hard to tell if its still there. But, I do notice it still to some extent.
 
Have you ever tried a low dose of phenibut or lyrica before?
Maybe even with kratom might help idk.
 
^Ah, I try to avoid full GABAa agnoists, or anything that binds to any site on gaba. It seems the only sedative that doesn't fuck with me is kava. Even then, I still will get strange muscle fasciculations that can be very disconcerting, the source of which I am not entirely sure of.
 
I haven't tried phenibut or lyrica. I was using kratom but switched over to heroin because kratom gives me scary nods and next day hangovers. I use heroin every third day to avoid physical dependence.
 
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