Benzo hell

[cavzfan366]

I'm very new to these forums and don't really understand the structure so I apologize if I am going about this wrong.

Basically, I am on here to get feedback from people who have been threw benzo withdrawal and what they did to make it threw.

I began taking klonopin about 3 years ago. The part that gets VERY messy is that I did so without a prescription. It was always available from someone close to me. At first I would only take .5mg about 3-4 times a week (which is nothing). I was not doing this for recreation, it was to cope with very bad anxiety. It did wonders at first.

Long story short, I am still taking it, however daily and roughly 1.5mg throughout the day. This is just to cope due to the fact that I have built a tolerance. I know the amount may not sound like much compared to what some people are on, but the way it effects me when I miss a day or two is scary as hell.

Over the course of the past two years, there have been times where that special person couldn't not get it for me for a couple of weeks. I've dealt with some bad alcohol withdrawal in the past, but nothing compares to the anguish of going thru benzo withdrawal. Can not even leave my apartment due to extreme fear, turning off my cell phone due to the fact that I am afraid to talk to anyone even close friends and family. Not having the will to eat, not sleeping, just basically terrified of everything. Not able to function at all. I don't know how I even made it threw those times.

Well I'm rambling so I will get to the point. Obviously this is a very serious problem that needs to be addressed immediately. In the past before all this I saw maybe 2 mental health specialists. I explain to them that it isn't so much the depression as the anxiety, but all they want to seem to do is prescribe anti depressants (paxil, zoloft, and lexapro) which just heighten my anxiety.

During one of my withdrawals, I some how managed to drag myself to a hospital (metro cleveland) and got to see a "specialist". For once I decided to come clean and was honest about taking benzos, but not for recreational use. But there was the fact that I was doing so without a prescription so who knows what she thought. She could see I was in complete agony, however all this did was give me a script to lexapro (makes anxiety worse) and vistril for anxiety which did nothing except make me slightly groggy, but did not help with sleep, withdrawal, or horrible anxiety.

I really want to put this problem behind me, but I don't know how to go about it. I don't have insurance but I can go to places that would except me. The main problem is what exactly should I tell the doctor. How do I explain a 3 year habit to a controlled substance without them looking at me as someone just trying to get pills? The only solution I see if to convince a doc to help me taper with valium (longer half life makes the tapering easier). I can't stand going thru another withdrawal and this really is hell. How can I even go about trying to get better? Sorry for the extremely wordy story, any advice, ideas, anything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. -Jim

 

[Regenesis2]

You are right, do a taper. try benzo.org.uk for info. best not to take Lexapro or vistaril IME. they won't address the underlying cause anyway and there is potential to make things worse with more drugs. Do your taper and stay clean and try to rest as much as you can. this hell can last a long time. I'm 15 months off cold turkey and not better yet. tapering is so far the best way to avoid a terrible and long-lasting withdrawal. good luck.

 

[chitown rollin]

i went through the same thing recently and tried to quit cold turkey without any doctors.. big mistake! read my post in TDS titled 'benzo withdrawal' if you want to see how bad it can get. you need to see a doctor for a taper plan. if you are too scared to do this you need to bump down to 1.25 mgs a day for maybe a week and then move down .25 each week until you are at zero.... there is no other safe way to come off benzos especially when you have been taking them for three years. good luck to you and please PM if you want to talk about this.

 

[RobotRipping]

I went through a good 6 weeks of benzo withdrawal when I cold turkeyed it in January. I still have terrible anxiety but it's better than being in benzo withdrawal. My advice is to taper very slowly (think 6 months). It's frustrating that the one thing that works for anxiety, somehow works too well. Look into alternative treatments for anxiety. The only way I'll take benzos now is if i have them prescribed for life, the withdrawal is traumatizing.

As for what to tell your doctor... I have no idea. Maybe being truthful and saying you want to taper is a good idea. But this does not work in my experience. I would get more klonopin and bring your dose down slowly as to avoid seizures/awful withdrawal symptoms. It is going to be a painful ride either way, but as you start to get your cognitive abilities back you'll be thankful that you did it. As well, anti-histamines work for me, eating good food, good tv/movies/games and anything that makes you happy regularly. It's going to be a long boring ride so having entertainment will help at least.

I also recommend reading a lot about benzo withdrawal in order to get a clear understanding of what you're going through. At first I wasn't sure if I went crazy or had died. Good luck.

 

[Charles Ferdinand]

Tell your doctor that you were prescribed the oirignal dose 3 years ago for whatever reason.
He has got to believe you. He is there to help not judge.
Either way the only way to taper is with another GABAergic (I did it with Carisoprodol), so either if you want more pills or not, he's gonna have to give them, to you.
Tell him you DON'T want any SSRIs, or antispychotics, antihistaminics or anything. Not even Gabapentin. You may try Pregabalin if you want, it will make withdrawal dissappear without ever worsening it.
Remember not to suggest or ask him not to give you any of those, you are TELLING him. If for whatever reason s/he doesn't complain or gives a good reason to try one of those meds, then just leave.
I would seriously recommend Pregabalin.

 

[MrRoot]

I am currently tapering off from xanax 2mg per day and valium 20mg per day + occassional weekend recreational usage with double dose for over a year. Currently on a 10mg diazepam per day and 1mg alprazolam per day and I have not suffered any withdrawals. In fact my mind is more focused now and I feel less anxious each day as I am able to use the methods I have learned in cognitive behavioral therapy now. I am waiting for next monday to drop it into half from the current and then leave out the alprazolam to when needed.

It seems that the tapering has been the best that has been happened for me for many months when it comes into my psychological aspects.

 

[Bojangles69]

I would go with gabapentin before I went with soma personally (@charlesferdinand).

Soma wds can get awfully nasty themself and I don't think gabapentin has the same level of intensity as far as I know (could be wrong). But long story short I abused gabapentin (neurontin) for about 4 months at one point, stopped, nothing at all happened except a tiny bit increase in anxiety for a few days and a few missed hours of sleep.
Have been taking soma for only 6 weeks, stopped (I could have refilled but wanted to see if there would be wds) and there IS definitely wds. And from only 6 weeks it feels way worse than what the neurontin did which was nothing after a longer time.

Also with soma, my tolerance increases with that drug faster than any benzo, lyrica, neurontin, even opiates. Its INSANE how quickly larger doses stop working. I started at 350mg day 1. By week 6 I was taking the max allowed per day which is 2,800mg of soma. And get this, it still didn't feel as relaxing as day 1. It turns into more of a fatiguing/"out of it" high then that clean muscle relaxant feel I got the first few times.
I personally believe soma is much more addictive than most people think. I mean its been pulled off shelves already in other countries and it seems like its controlled status gets investigated in the US like every 6 months. Eventually its just gonna be labeled controlled everywhere, and people will start to respect the drug for how addictive it can really be.

So I'd personally taper with lyrica or neurontin. Just watch out for potential depression because people (including myself) have noticed an increase in depression on both (rare however). Although I think wd wise it takes much longer to happen, and they aren't as bad as soma. Just one mans opinion. Take it for what it is.

 

[euphoricc]

i love benzos i compare that wd to suboxone feels same kinda ehhh!

 

[STiLife]

i find this really interesting because i had taken 3 mg of klonopin and 3 mg of ativan daily for 2 years and sometimes would binge on weekendends taking 6 mg of both and i went through no withdrawl symptoms at all. I have been off them for nearly a year now. am i a freak of nature?

 

[Supeudol]

^ Some people just don't get withdrawals from benzo's. Just like my father doesn't get Alcohol withdrawals. You are just lucky! I Wish I was the same.