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Being Competitive is NEVER good

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Setarcos

Bluelighter
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Oct 17, 2001
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Not sure if this is philosophy or life orientated but since it is about relations between people (and not in an anthropological sense or anything) I have put it here.
Well I have become less and less competitive through life (normally because I would lose anyway ;) )
My attitude now is that it is almost impossible to be happy if you revolve around being better than other people all the time.
You may be in danger of doing things not because you would naturally do them but because you are being led on by your competitive spirit.
I also (and this is not based on personal experience) imagine that even when you reach the top it will only be short lived glory and you will want to make sure you stay ahead of the opposition too.
I think it should also be realised that while everyone is best at one thing compared with how they are at other things. But some people do just have a greater pool of talent than others.
A competitive atmosphere is terribly wrong while this exists and I believe that it encourages people to pursue things that they would not naturally do.
I do think that competition may lead people to be more productive than they otherwise would be, but in my opinion there is no point in being productive if you are not happy.
Certainly not on the level of a whole society, ie if the production of a society is high but the people are unhappy then there is no point.
Thanks :)
 
Setarcos, I agree with what you're saying, but you have to keep in mind that it depends upon the nature of competition.
There's *positive* competition (striving to be faster than someone else, and mutually pushing each other to succeed) and *negative* competition (hating yourself or someone else because they are faster than you).
Competition can lead to bitterness and resent if you allow it to, but it certainly doesn't have to. Like anything else, the urge to compete can become an obsession, and that's the real danger of it.
A *cooperatively competitive* environment can be wonderful, and allow (or at least help) people to achieve things they normally wouldn't, because it can force them to reach for things they wouldn't dare to or think in ways they didn't know they could in an effort to move forward.
I think the negative aspects come into play when there is a determined "success vs. failure" dichotomy. We're socialized to judge ourselves, and competition constantly raises the standards...by this reasoning, more people become failures constantly, although they are still what they were the moment before.
My attitude now is that it is almost impossible to be happy if you revolve around being better than other people all the time.
You're absolutely right. The focus needs to be *internal*, not external...comparing yourself to someone else becomes unfulfilling eventually, and you need to be able to accept yourself in order to continue moving forward.
spinkle
Click to expand...
 
I disagree.
Competition can push a person to really see what they are made of, what they are capable of. Sure, in an ideal world we would all be self motivated enough to really push our boundaries on our own. The practicality is that we need others to go beyond what we thought we could do.
Competition can be unhealthy. I believe in being a good sport. I will accept defeat when it comes my way, and I will not gloat at those I outperform. I think the key to being a good sport is to recognize that, in truth, we are only competing against ourselves.
 
I wish I were'nt so competitive.Especially around other guys.Wheather it be in sports,finacial status,or who can just finish their beer the fastest.The worst part about it is that it's inevitable that sometimes i'm gonna lose,and for me losing means failure,and failure means that i'm worthless and should hold my head down in shame.Sometimes this shame last for a few days other times it ways down on me for months,years,hell to this very moment.As much as I love him,I blame a lot of my irrational competitive nature on my father.He's lived a somewhat unfullfilled life because he could not always live up to the unrealistic goals he places on him self.But you know the scary part is that over the last few years i've noticed that the older I get and the harder I try not to be like him,the more and more like him I become.
 
i agree with you setarcos. if somebody thinks that they have to compete i dont see it as a way of them pushing themselves to see what they are capable of , i see it as them not aproving of themselves and feeling like they have to be better.like they have issues and they have to prove something to themselves. sorry, but thats how i feel.
its one thing to try to beat your own score, to compete against yourself,-if you feel you must 'beat' something- but another thing to feel like you have to beat someone else. if i have to play someone something and they feel like they have to win. so be it. whatever makes you happy. win. im not gonna fight you.
we dont allow our children to get wrapped up in little league baseball or football, ect. because we think organized sports are ridiculas because of the competition and dont want our kids wrapped up in it. our sons excell, and i mean the are very, very good, at skating,surfing, and freestyle biking. if they want to challenge someone ,then they can challenge themselves, but there will be no competing.
another reason we homeschool is because we dont want our children stressed out over test or being picked for something . the adult world is hard enough. we dont want them to have to deal with the bullshit when the are kids.
 
^
What Blue Lava said..
Competition totally pushes a person to their max, be it sports, competing for a girl, competing in a 1/4 mile foot race. I think it is good.
 
spinkle, i see what you're saying, though until I see it myself I won't be convinced that it is possible to seperate the first from the second.
Beanergrl actually said what I tried to say better in my opinion, that post really was an excellent description of myt beliefs too thanks :)
 
some people see it as bringing out the best , i see it as bringing out the evil.
 
^^^^^
I have to agree that competiveness can be rewarding if done for bettering yourself, overcoming stumbling blocks, reaching for a better way of life, helping others in need.But not fooling yourself into believing that life doesn't have down times, times to reflect and learn from. We all need reality checks, and prayer and guidance from within and without.
Anything done in a positive manner can also build self-esteem, but if it is only done for power over others, I feel this is wrong.
That's where our creative abilities come into play. When undescovered you can fall to depression.
When you feel you haven't got any creativenes, and compete for others creativeness you become dissatisfied but....we all have special gifts,IMO from God that are in us all along. So it is a discovery that brings us to a feeling of joy, that we have something to offer to ourselves and others around us.
Some may think they have a greater purpose in life to furfill than others, great kings, prohets,
doctors, writers, artists whatever. People that are writen about in history books or whatever. But I believe we all have purpose, whether it's saying hello to someone on the street and smiling, and using kindness to inspire ourselves or others in positivity. Anything IMO, done with Love and positiveness to yourself and others around you IMO will bring joy of LIFE.
IMO everyone is a reflection to everyone else,
sometimes sorrow, sometimes joy, all in all we still learn.
Much Peace NITTY GRITTY, hi Beanie
[ 06 August 2002: Message edited by: nvr2old ]
 
It's in our nature to compete with each other, as with all species.
Why compete when you can just have fun?
I never got anything out of competitive sports unless I was having fun. The only reason I played was to do exactly that with your mates.
Awards, medals and recognition mean nothing if you aren't happy with your life, especially if you spend your life in search of the recognition.
Peace!
 
I just watched a documentary on Britany Spears. At age 7 she begged her mother to take her to NYC so she could become a star. Her mother did and began enrolling Britany in dance, singing, and performance classes. By age 9 she was already on broadway. And... look where she is today.
My point? Dreams.... are what give us life... at least a vibrant life. And... those who want their dream bad enough will in all likihood be the one who gets it. It's not necessarily about how smart you are, our how rich your parents are. It's about how bad you want something. When dealt a blow do you pick yourself up and keep going, or do you wallow in self defeat... 'The world is against me, I can never win, I'm not lucky enough, oh boo hoo hoo.'
Yeah, luck, fate, advantages all play a part in one's success or lack thereof, but dreams only go to those who want it bad enough... who want it more than the next guy, or next girl. It's not so much about competition as it is simple a question of who wants it bad enough. Britany, bitch though she may be, is a worker. She wanted it and that's why she is where she is today.
Jus some random thoughts. :)
 
"She wanted it and that's why she is where she is today. "
I agree completely, and that is why I hold this view. I don't think she wanted to be more of a star than everyone else, she just wanted to be a star.
If you are going to be great at something, then I don't think competition will be an issue. You will just be so full of it that you will want to do the best you possibly can.
[ 07 August 2002: Message edited by: Setarcos ]
 
^ i concur. jimi hendrix, whitney houston, and natalie merchants parents all knew from babyhood that their children were gifted and going to make it. but they wanted their children to be children first. they knew that their talent would always grow and their children would be someone at the right time. every one of their parents was approached at an early age and they all said "no, in time it will happen for them". and it did.
its a shame that britneys mom didnt see that if her daughter had real talent she could live like a kid while she could. it doesnt matter what the child wants. a child is a child and your the adult in charge of making mature decisions for the child. it upsets me the way britneys mom pimped her out. and pimp she did. she was fifteen when she made her video of her in the school girl uniform. a fifteen year old should have no business making soft kiddie porn for perverted old men. her mother totally exploited her or allowed for it to happen. and if youve followed britney this past month you would see how shes about to lose it. (smoking, flipping off reporters, bitching about her fans,standing her fans up at an autograph party then refusing to sign them, saying the f- word repeatly on an open mike which was picked up by someone and is now huge on napster, and last sat after singing for 15 minutes on her mexican concert she stopped it and walked off stage leaving 50,000 fans just standing there. she told them sorry and that she needed to "take time to do what britney wants to do".) so yeah, real nice way to let your child live her dream.
if britney had that drive/dream in her that would of came out when she was old enough to handle it. but perhaps with all the "competition" she would of been up against as an adult her mom and her thought best to mold her into this product to sell while she was young and could easily be sold like that.
with real talent there is no competition, you are you with nothing to prove to anyone. cause you are already the best.
[ 07 August 2002: Message edited by: beanergrl ]
 
I guess the point I was getting at is that I don't think too many people are working so hard to beat someone else as they are working to get to someplace that happens to be where others want to be. Convuluted I know. What I'm saying is the driving force behind succesful people isn't an urge to beat others, but to get someplace... like stardom. However, in striving for this you will beat out others to this place. So, is it competition, or not? Because others are vying for the same spot. I think competition as seen as beating another rarely exists. It's not about beating anyone. It's about going for something. Something that others too are going for. Thus, it's a competition even though the focus is on the prize, not the competitors.
 
^^^^ hahhaaaa! That is so funny, because that's exactly what I think sometimes when I read some threads. We are ALL compeditive, it's instinct.
And bluelight is a perfect example. Since this is a written forum, here the only things we can compete with are our intellect, eloquence and wit ... and since most people here have those qualities in abundance it can be a little intimidating at times.
But I must admit it does stretch you.
I wish it weren't so, wish I could chill out sometimes and not always have to have the last word.
 
I agree with what blue lava said above, all of it, of course im too lazy to be competitive. :)
 
^^^
Yeah, but it's great to read though and pretty funny when we all ram our perceptions down everyone else's throats.
You know why it's even better? Cuz we get to learn about ourself in the process.
[ 08 August 2002: Message edited by: RevHead ]
 
Good points, all around. One specific thing i want to mention on the nature of competition is this: it is a public exhibition where people are watching and judging one's abilities. To the individual, it is probably more important to look good and competent around the people watching than it is to 'crush one's opponent.' Exhibiting oneself in front of a large audience generates a good amount of pressure and effort to practice and improve one's skills. At the very least, out of anxiety of trying not to look bad. But eventually that turns over into a realm of acceptance that may eventually become intoxicating.
Basically, you do something by yourself, you may just dick around. You do something in front of other people, you put a little more into it. I see it as a good thing. Competition is not always cutthroat.
 
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