Here is the start of the drug scene to where I am now. I grew up in a fairly large town being exposed to drugs at the age of possibly 10 or younger. I did not take them. I just saw and heard talk of them and how cool they were. I started with weed first. I smoked a few times. Then I saw pills. Then I tried pills immediately. I wanted to because I decided I was going to be a druggie and that is where I would find acceptance. I found it! Acceptance. I use drugs and so do you. We hang out and use drugs together. Drugs get harder. People are still there just newer and better drugs. At some point half the crowd went to the needle. The other half grew up and moved on. Some came back. For a night or two.
This is where hanging out got complex. We can hang out over here and use drugs. That is if you do not use the needle. This was at 18-19. They started separated good drug addiction behavior from what they said was inappropriate. Me and my friends separated further into smaller groups. These groups surprisingly did not start losing friends for a good while. We secluded ourselves based on what drugs we did. I was into Heroin. It was a very large group of people maybe even as big as those who smoked lots of weed. We stayed in these small groups. I left for the Army. A year into the Army my friends started to die, and it went from being like "oh my god's how could this happen!?" to being a common occurrence. This was 3 years into my IV use. I am sure this will pass I thought. It did pass. When I got out of the Army my groups of friends were even more segregated by now they use multiple drugs only hanging with people who shared a common liking. Heroin and Meth. Crack and Heroin. Crack and Fentynal. Meth and Fentynal. It is now at this.
I am alone. I have no friends. I use drugs. I had friends who did. I have them no more. I am afraid to get busted. I am afraid to get busted if we hang out in groups of more than 2- 3 maybe. If I feel good and it is a rare occassion and someone we have not seen in a long time pops up! What a great night! Most times. If this ever happens. Now just in groups of 2-3 when we hung out in groups of 5-6.
Being alone you think a lot. I do anyway. I think of my friends. I think how much fun we had together. I think about the good times. Yet now I am alone. Drugs. Fear of incarceration. I have to get out of this mindset and be reckless and get away with it. I just do not think I can live my life like this anymore. I want groups of friends again. I am trying new things slowly with caution. Acceptance is where my life started with this. I found it. I do not want to die alone and in fear. I want to be free and love the moment I am living in carefree like when I was 15. When I look back after I have found acceptance I will say "wow my friends who did not use drugs are still here and alive". This is the hard part. Going from that alone mindset that I have held onto for many many years. I have to change that. I have had hopes of acceptance shot down because of being a drug addict and the stigma that all drug addicts will steal. Doors have been shut in my face. I just hope that anyone out there that feels this way know that you are not alone. I probably will not be your friend honestly. Why because I am probably being watched by the FEDs like usual right? You know what I mean. All I can say is do not give up hope because there are other people out there like you. I miss my friends. I am alone and used to it. However I need acceptance. I feel that any more put downs in my life will just add fuel to the thought that I will never fit into something.
An attitude that greatly impacted many more friendships was who the snitch was. It ruined friendships. Trust. I think that maybe we over thought it. I cherish my friendships. There are not many friends out there who would continue doing drugs with you I do not know what I am saying right now at this point I am getting fucked up. Acceptance. I accept everyone. I try to accept everyone. I will try my hardest no matter what. I look at others point of view and accept their opinion automatically. I know that they have one and it is valid because they think it is and it must be. If it is important to them it is important to me. Acceptance. Thanks to hand picking the most straight edge best of the best sir guys and women to form the FBI our country did not realize that they would be so successful in taking down every single drug ring big and small. I believe it is time now for them to stop and join minds and come up with a plan to legalize everything while still letting some be illegal or something. They got guys like me fearful of attempting friendships. Acceptance. That is a hope of the future. I am a purple heart recipient who fought in Kandahar, Afghanistan. I am still struggling to be accepted. I have my own barriers of course that have to be in place. Someday I hope that all mankind can entertain the idea that we need more diversified groups such as junkies and users because it makes us that much more colorful. Acceptance.
-NEG
This is where hanging out got complex. We can hang out over here and use drugs. That is if you do not use the needle. This was at 18-19. They started separated good drug addiction behavior from what they said was inappropriate. Me and my friends separated further into smaller groups. These groups surprisingly did not start losing friends for a good while. We secluded ourselves based on what drugs we did. I was into Heroin. It was a very large group of people maybe even as big as those who smoked lots of weed. We stayed in these small groups. I left for the Army. A year into the Army my friends started to die, and it went from being like "oh my god's how could this happen!?" to being a common occurrence. This was 3 years into my IV use. I am sure this will pass I thought. It did pass. When I got out of the Army my groups of friends were even more segregated by now they use multiple drugs only hanging with people who shared a common liking. Heroin and Meth. Crack and Heroin. Crack and Fentynal. Meth and Fentynal. It is now at this.
I am alone. I have no friends. I use drugs. I had friends who did. I have them no more. I am afraid to get busted. I am afraid to get busted if we hang out in groups of more than 2- 3 maybe. If I feel good and it is a rare occassion and someone we have not seen in a long time pops up! What a great night! Most times. If this ever happens. Now just in groups of 2-3 when we hung out in groups of 5-6.
Being alone you think a lot. I do anyway. I think of my friends. I think how much fun we had together. I think about the good times. Yet now I am alone. Drugs. Fear of incarceration. I have to get out of this mindset and be reckless and get away with it. I just do not think I can live my life like this anymore. I want groups of friends again. I am trying new things slowly with caution. Acceptance is where my life started with this. I found it. I do not want to die alone and in fear. I want to be free and love the moment I am living in carefree like when I was 15. When I look back after I have found acceptance I will say "wow my friends who did not use drugs are still here and alive". This is the hard part. Going from that alone mindset that I have held onto for many many years. I have to change that. I have had hopes of acceptance shot down because of being a drug addict and the stigma that all drug addicts will steal. Doors have been shut in my face. I just hope that anyone out there that feels this way know that you are not alone. I probably will not be your friend honestly. Why because I am probably being watched by the FEDs like usual right? You know what I mean. All I can say is do not give up hope because there are other people out there like you. I miss my friends. I am alone and used to it. However I need acceptance. I feel that any more put downs in my life will just add fuel to the thought that I will never fit into something.
An attitude that greatly impacted many more friendships was who the snitch was. It ruined friendships. Trust. I think that maybe we over thought it. I cherish my friendships. There are not many friends out there who would continue doing drugs with you I do not know what I am saying right now at this point I am getting fucked up. Acceptance. I accept everyone. I try to accept everyone. I will try my hardest no matter what. I look at others point of view and accept their opinion automatically. I know that they have one and it is valid because they think it is and it must be. If it is important to them it is important to me. Acceptance. Thanks to hand picking the most straight edge best of the best sir guys and women to form the FBI our country did not realize that they would be so successful in taking down every single drug ring big and small. I believe it is time now for them to stop and join minds and come up with a plan to legalize everything while still letting some be illegal or something. They got guys like me fearful of attempting friendships. Acceptance. That is a hope of the future. I am a purple heart recipient who fought in Kandahar, Afghanistan. I am still struggling to be accepted. I have my own barriers of course that have to be in place. Someday I hope that all mankind can entertain the idea that we need more diversified groups such as junkies and users because it makes us that much more colorful. Acceptance.
-NEG